Wild Ones
by xxxxninaxxxx
Summary: Two years has passed since the unforgettable incident in Vegas. Now, the wolf pack is off to Thailand for Stu and Jamie's wedding. But what happens when they get thrown in a same loop since Vegas? Join Phil, Paige, Stu, Jamie, Alan, and Connie as they work together to find Zoey's little brother and try to make it back in time for the wedding. Phil/OC Stu/OC Alan/OC SEQUEL
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ MY PREVIOUS STORY "RAISE YOUR GLASS" I SUGGEST YOU READ THAT FIRST BEFORE READING THIS! PLEASE TURN BACK NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**Hey everyone! I'm so excited for this new installment! I hope you all enjoy it as well! As always, please tell me what you thought at the end of the chapter :)**

_Chapter 1_

_Two Years Later_

"Aw, I love the smell of barbecue." Jamie said as she flipped over a few patties and hot dogs on the grill outside in her huge backyard. "Just kidding, I hate it." She heartily joked. It was a beautiful day on the fourth of July. Jamie was planning on hosting a small little barbeque with her closest friends. Stu was the first to arrive to her house. They have been happily dating each other for the past two years since the memorable and unfortunate incident in Vegas.

"Hey, Four Eyes." Jamie called behind her shoulder towards her boyfriend who was lounging on a chair with a beer in his hand, resting in relaxation. He opened his bright blue eyes and playfully narrowed them through his new glasses that his girlfriend forced him to buy.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that, huh _beautiful_?" asked Stu in a playful tone directed towards his girlfriend who was busy grilling up the food for the guests to arrive soon. Jamie smiled and stuck her tongue at him cheekily to which he heartily laughed at. She was a grown woman but a child at heart. That was for sure.

"Four Eyes, can you pretty please get some more wieners from the fridge? I don't think we have enough food for over, what, like ten people?"

"Sure thing, beautiful. Be right back."

"Hurry, my little Four Eyed Lover."

"You're hilarious."

"You're not."

"I know."

"Good."

This pretty much summed up their entire relationship. Back when Stu was dating Melissa, he was so used to being uptight about everything with that insufferable woman he called his _girlfriend_. Boy, was he in denial. After spending lots of time with Jamie, she definitely succeeded in loosening up Stu, big time. In a strange way, Stu loved acting childish and silly with his girlfriend and being able to joke around and not take everything so seriously unlike that bitch, Melissa. In the most part, Stu felt happier than he ever felt in his life. Now it was the fourth of July. Both Stu and Jamie were excited to invite their friends over for a nice little barbeque party.

Hurriedly, Jamie ran around the house and backyard, trying to make sure everything was cleaned up and no embarrassing stuff were lying around. She made sure to grab paper plates and utensils and set everything up nicely and neatly in the backyard. Yes, believe it or not, she was a little bit of a clean freak even though she hated to admit it.

"Pumpkin." Stu stated as he noticed her fussing around, trying to make things look nice. She quickly worked around the kitchen, trying to clean the mess she made with seasoning the ground beef and shit like that. She didn't pay attention to him as he tried to get her attention. Finally, he gently grabbed her shoulders and forcefully turned her to face him.

"Four Eyes, can't you see I'm a bit busy?" she mumbled out, a bit annoyed that he wouldn't let her finish cleaning the kitchen.

"You need to calm down. Okay. Everything looks fine. You don't have to impress everyone with your _Mr. Clean _magic skills, all right?"

"Are you kidding me? Yeah, I kind of do. In case you haven't noticed, Paige is one hell of a gossiper. You'd be hella surprised of how much she can talk despite her painful shyness."

"Since when do you care about what others think? Okay. Who are you and what have you done with the real Jamie?"

"Very funny, Stu. But, I just really want to turn things around a bit, you know?"

"No actually, I don't know."

"Meaning I want to show people that I can be responsible and host an elegant barbeque all on my own."

"_Elegant_ barbeque?"

"Figured it would make me sound more responsible rather than saying _dope_ barbeque."

"Okay." Stu couldn't hide his laughter at her attempt of trying to be a responsible adult. It was just too funny. "Well, good luck with being a _responsible_ adult. Text me when that _doesn't_ work out for you."

"Fuck you, Four Eyes." Jamie started laughing too as she pointed her metal spatula at him. "I will use this against you."

"I'd like to see you try." With that, Stu playfully tickled her sides, causing her to immediately drop her weapon as she cried out in a contagious laughing fit.

"S-S-Stu, s-stop it!" she laughed out as tears started coming to her eyes. Showing no mercy, he laughed himself as he continued to tickle her sides and stomach. Her laughing expression was just truly too funny for words. Finally, when he gave up, she playfully giggled and slapped his arm, feeling a bit out of breath from laughing so much. "You're such a jerk!" she pointed a finger at him.

"But you love it." Was his unusually cocky response before he leaned down, closing the gap between their lips. She smiled against his mouth, reaching a hand up and gently caressing the side of his smooth face. Jamie could never get enough of kissing him. It was an addiction that she could never pass up. Stu reached up with both hands and cupped her face as their kiss slowly deepened.

"Oh God." Suddenly came a disgusted female voice from behind them, instantly breaking the kiss. "Get a fucking room, will ya?"

"Connie, bitch tits." Jamie greeted with a breathless laugh as she passed Stu to hug her incredibly odd best friend. "Love the new hair!" Two years ago, Connie had dyed her hair an almost neon pink color that actually looked good on her. A few days back, Connie decided to change the color and went for bright blue hair. "Kind of looks like a smurf pissed all over your hair. Like Katy Perry."

"Oh, I know." Was Connie's enthusiastic response. "That's kind of what I was going for." She looked past Jamie and waved to Stu who was still in the kitchen. "Hey, Stuey Griffin." Connie greeted happily as she walked forward and gave him a hug.

"Wow. Your hair looks great." He complimented her as he hugged the small girl back. Connie grinned.

"Thank you. So, sorry to interrupt your little _sexy moment_ back there. Totally rude of me to just walk in the front door without even knocking."

"Yeah, it _is_ rude, Connie." Jamie shot her an annoyed expression. Connie only grinned cheekily back at her before sticking her tongue out.

"Jamie, whatever happened to being a responsible adult?" asked Stu with a haughty smirk on his face. Placing her hands on her hips, Jamie shot him a look.

"Since the moment this bitch decided to walk in without knocking and interrupted our little _sexy_ _moment_ in the kitchen."

"So, you're saying this is my fault?"asked Connie innocently.

"Yes." Jamie bluntly said while Stu replied at the same time, "No."

"I'm so confused." Connie sighed.

"I'm so hungry." Jamie sighed.

"I'm so cockblocked." Stu sighed. Both Jamie and Connie had to stifle laughs that were threatening to erupt from their mouths.

.

.

.

Their guests were arriving very quickly after Connie showed up. Stu's best friend, Phil, ended up over much to Jamie's dismay. She seriously disliked the man. Phil had mutual feelings of disliking her as well. After Phil, Doug and Tracy, unfortunately along with Alan as he begged them to come with. Connie was a bit baffled when Alan was there since they have not visited each other in the past two years. She believed the last time she saw him was at Doug and Tracy's wedding when he spat cake all over her face and tried to eat it with his bare fingers. Gross. Zoey showed up too and lastly Paige, much to Phil's utter surprise. Again, they haven't seen each other in quite a long time.

Everyone was outside in the backyard hanging out in a circle of lawn chairs with a few beers, all chatting and talking.

"So, who wants to listen to _One Direction_?" asked Jamie excitedly while she flipped over a few patties on the grill outside in her nice backyard. From one of the lawn chairs that were lined in a circle, Stu could be heard with an annoyed groan. Ever since Jamie bought the new CD of a British boy band, Stu wanted to shoot himself in the head. Phil who was sitting in a lawn chair next to Stu, he looked confused and slightly annoyed.

"What the _fuck_ is that?" he asked bluntly. Stu shook his head in annoyance.

"You don't even want to know." Was Stu's quiet response.

"Oh my Gosh!" Alan gasped eagerly. "I love One Direction! I love Harry Styles! Especially his fluffy hair! He's so attractively British! I'm thinking about dressing up as Harry Styles for Halloween." Stu, Phil, and Doug sent him odd looks.

"Oh my God! I know right!" Zoey jumped in with Alan's conversation. "His hair is just the fluffiest of them all! And his British accent, talk about holy shit!"

"Like, seriously." Alan agreed. Again, the guys sent him major _what the fuck_ looks. "If I were British, I would never shut up!"

"Play the fricken' CD already, Jamie! Quick before Alan starts talking about how much he wants to perv on an underage British kid!" Connie told Jamie in an urgent voice. She was starting to get a little creeped out from Alan's weird point of view on _One Direction_. Truthfully, she loved _One Direction_. Especially Liam Payne. He was soooooo hot! Well, actually all of them are. Connie liked them all equally. But she's just saying – Liam's the hottest of them all. _Haha._

"What's _One Direction_?" asked Tracy confused. Connie, Alan, and Jamie gasped dramatically as Paige, Zoey, and Stu all rolled their eyes at the same time.

"Have you been living under a rock for your entire life?" asked Alan, looking almost hurt. _How could Tracy possibly have not heard about One Direction?_ He thought in horror. _What's wrong with her? Is she brain damaged? _

"Have you been living in our parent's household for your entire life?" Tracy fired back at Alan. Connie had to give Tracy some credit for the amazing retort.

"Ooh. Burn. Better put some ice on that." Connie joked as Alan only stared at her thoroughly confused. Before anyone else could say anything, Jamie disappeared and started playing the CD on the stereo, blasting the music through loud speakers.

"_You're insecure,  
Don't know what for,  
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,  
Don't need make-up,  
To cover up,  
Being the way that you are is enough_."

"Someone please just shoot me now." Stu said seriously, not wanting to hear this annoying crap over and over again.

"The _fuck_ is this god awful shit?" asked Phil with a look of disgust on his face.

"Is this _Backstreet Boys_?" asked Doug with a confused expression. Alan smacked a magazine against his head as if he was scolding him like a child in trouble.

"Get your facts right, Doug. How many times did we repeat that this is _One Direction_?" asked Alan, narrowing his eyes on the startled Doug. Phil looked at Alan in almost complete horror.

"How can you listen to this shit, man? It's fucking terrible."

"Hey!" Connie pointed a threatening finger at Phil. "Watch your mouth Mr.! Or it's the time out zone for you!"

"Oh, fuck off." Phil shot back, waving her off. Connie glared.

"Tell _One Direction_ you're sorry." Connie threatened towards an annoyed Phil.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No." Connie smirked.

"Yes." Phil accidentally said.

"Ha!" Connie grinned triumphantly.

"Fuck!" Phil yelled. Damn the blue-haired chick. She got him good.

"_Everyone else in the room can see it,  
Everyone else but you, Baby you light up my world like nobody else,  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh, oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
If only you saw what I can see,  
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,  
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,  
You don't know,  
Oh, oh,  
You don't know you're beautiful,  
Oh, oh,  
That's what makes you beautiful_."

All the girls were singing along including Tracy who nodded along to the catchy song while tapping her feet while all the guys (except Alan who was shamelessly singing along to the top of his lungs) all complained about the terrible song.

_Three Hours Later_

.

.

.

The sky was beginning to darken. Meaning the fireworks were going to come around soon. From the past three hours, everyone happily ate and talked, enjoying their Fourth of July with each other. Soon, Paige had some exciting yet at the same time sad news to tell everyone.

"Okay, I would like to get everyone's attention, please. Yoo-hoo." Paige called for everyone to look at her. She had to hide her blushing face when she noticed that Phil was practically ogling her with lustful eyes. _God. He's still trying to make a move on me? _She thought disgusted. _Even when he's married? Fuckin' pig. _She ignored him while looking at everyone else's expecting faces.

"All right, I have some good news and I got some bad news."

"Let's start with good news." Zoey told her with a smile. Paige nodded.

"Okay then. Good news is I'm going on a tour around the US to promote my new book!" she told everyone happily. An excited chorus erupted all at once. Since the past two years after their experience in Vegas, Paige wrote a book based on their crazy misadventure in Nevada. A few months back, she finally got the courage to publish it. It wasn't easy at first as a bunch of companies rejected the book, calling it _unrealistic_. Paige begged to differ. Finally, a company loved her book and published over more than a thousand copies, all of them being sold out. Now her dreams were finally coming true of going on a tour to promote it. Her beautiful book that she gladly titled, "_The Hangover_." It was a shocking success.

"Oh my God, Paige! That's so exciting!" Zoey smiled.

"You go, Glen Coco!" Connie quoted from _Mean Girls_.

"Congrats, Nancy Drew!" Jamie congratulated.

"Really, that's great!" Stu said with a smile.

"Congratulations, Paige." Doug said.

"That's amazing news!" Tracy grinned.

"You deserve it." Phil told her.

"You wrote a book?" was Alan's confused response. A few people chuckled from the random question.

"Okay, bad news is I'm going to be gone for over six months."

"Aww." Almost everyone said bummed.

"I'm gonna miss my bff." Connie said with a thoroughly bummed expression.

"I'll miss you too, Con."

"Hey, Paige. If they ever made a movie about us, who do you think would play you?" asked Jamie curiously. Paige shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Who do you think would play me?" asked Connie. Jamie pretended to think for a moment.

"What about that one Emma Stone chick?"

"Yeah. She's hot enough to play me." Connie smiled.

"Ooh. Who would play me?" asked Zoey excitedly.

"That Asian chick, Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior." Jamie immediately said.

"Fuck you." Zoey replied.

"We should strike up a few fireworks in the street." Jamie changed the subject. Stu looked at her worriedly.

"Isn't that illegal nowadays?" he asked nervously. Jamie clicked her tongue disapprovingly and grinned at her anxiously adorkable boyfriend.

"It's only illegal if you get caught." She replied with a smirk.

"I'm down for this shit." Phil agreed.

"No. Stu's right. It is illegal." Tracy said, looking at all of them frowningly.

"We should drive in the middle of nowhere and do it then." Connie spoke up, making Paige shake her head.

"No. Can't. I think I forgot to mention that I'm leaving tomorrow for the tour…"

"What?" almost everyone snapped at her in surprise. Paige cringed.

"Okay… maybe I did leave out a _few_ details." Paige muttered.

"Wow… okay then. Since its Paige's last night, I vow that we will make sure she has a good time with us before leaving tomorrow." Connie spoke.

"Oh fuck…" Paige cursed, knowing for a fact that something was going to happen that night.

_One Hour Later_

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.

.

_Happy Fourth of July! _Everyone stood in front of Jamie's house, all of them sitting on the sidewalk on the edge of the curb watching the beautiful fireworks that were erupting in front of her house. Doug and Tracy both cuddled up to each other, watching them with smiles on their faces. Since Tracy had been pregnant for a month, she laid Doug's palm against her stomach, thinking of their future son or daughter.

From next to the happy couple, Alan and Connie sat together, both of them entranced by the fireworks. Of course, Alan would try to cuddle into Connie every once in a while before she would slap him on the head, warning him not to touch her.

Sitting next to them, Paige and Phil both sat, watching the fireworks with wide eyes. He would always try to pull a move on her by casually throwing his arm around her shoulder but she would knock his arm off every time as he only pouted in her direction.

Zoey sat next to them, ignoring them while Stu and Jamie were on the other side. Jamie wrapped her hands around Stu's arm and leaned on him, resting her head on his shoulder happily. Finally, Stu couldn't help it anymore as he stood up and gained everyone's attention.

"Okay, um, heh," he began a bit nervously, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully as Jamie only looked questionably at him. "So, uhm… Jamie… Jamie Christopher Webster…" he started. Phil snickered at Jamie's middle name.

"Goddamn dad for naming me _that_ as my middle name…" Jamie mumbled. Stu nervously pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and Jamie sighed. "Great… this is gonna take like two hours." She grabbed a magazine out of her purse from nowhere and began to read it while Stu cleared his throat, beginning his speech.

"Jamie Christopher Webster… Ever since I smashed your face against a glass door in a gas station… which by the way was an accident… I felt this bizarre connection between us. Like fire and ice almost. We're like Romeo and Juliet—"

"Err… Romeo and Juliet died." Connie interrupted. Stu glared at her for interrupting his _speech_.

"Shut it, Connie. Your opinion is irrelevant." He shot back. Connie frowned.

"Anyways… back to my super-duper awesome speech…" Stu continued while Phil rolled his eyes at him.

"You did not just say that." Phil muttered.

"Oh yes, I did. Now everybody stop interrupting me and let me talk!" Stu took a breath before continuing. "Anyways, I believe that Jamie is one of the most beautiful and annoyingly smart and different and hottest girl I've ever luckily met—"Stu looked down to Jamie and realized she wasn't paying attention as she was still reading the magazine she pulled out of her purse. Immediately, Stu ripped it from her hands and threw it out on the dark street. Jamie protested.

"Hey! What the fuck, Stu? I was reading an article about Taylor Lautner!" she complained crossing her arms.

"I don't fucking care!" Stu practically yelled at her. "Now shut up and listen!" He opened his mouth to say more about his speech until he got interrupted again! What the fuck?!

"What time is it?" asked Doug while Stu just looked like he wanted to kill the shit out of him.

"You were reading on article on Taylor Lautner! Oh my God! Was there a shirtless pic of him?" asked Paige excitedly towards Jamie.

"Sadly no. All of his clothes were still on." Jamie answered her in a disappointed tone of voice.

"Bummer…" Connie sighed.

"Was there an article on Channing Tatum?" asked Zoey. Stu finally snapped.

"Fuck this shit!" he was getting so pissed off. Finally, he bent down on one knee in front of Jamie and pulled out a velvet box out of his pocket. Jamie only stared at him in confusion. He angrily ripped open the box, inside was his grandmother's holocaust wedding ring with diamond added to the center. "Jamie _fucking_ Webster, will you marry me?" he asked through gritted teeth. Everyone gasped in surprise including Jamie.

"Y-you mean it?" she asked looking like she was ready to burst into tears. Stu could almost roll his eyes.

"Duh."

"Then, hell yeah, I'll marry you!"

Before he could react, Jamie tackled him forcefully, making him land on his back on the concrete. "Fucking OWW!" he cursed as his back throbbed in pain. "I'm pretty sure you just broke my back!" he mumbled as she gave him a huge bear hug before planting numerous kisses on his face.

"Aww, aren't they adorable?" asked Paige towards Phil as he only looked at looked at them before shuddering in disgust.

"Sure." He sarcastically muttered.

.

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.

**I really hope you all enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it! More to come very soon!**

**Please review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**Aw, I'm so glad that you like this story so much. I hope you continue to like it. Now I give you the second chapter just because I was so thrilled and inspired by all of you! Anyways, as always, please leave comments and tell me what you thought!**

**A huge thank you to** 11Dr-Luv, MrsBellaWhitlock123, PrincessMeowKitty1889, LivinYoungAndWildAndFreeeee, Ryan1441, SecretWonderland96, seasidewriter1, Outsidel0okingin, bella-pg18, **and** Porcelain-xox **for your wonderful reviews! :D**

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 2_

_10 Months Later_

It has been ten months since Stu had proposed to Jamie on that Fourth of July weekend. Because Paige ended up going on a six-month tour to promote her surprisingly successful book based on their experiences, Stu and Jamie decided to wait to get married until around the next May so Paige could help Jamie with the wedding planning.

After months of deciding where to have the wedding, Zoey hooked up Stu and Jamie with a deal; meaning they could have their wedding at Zoey's parent's hotel and resort which they owned in Thailand. Both Stu and Jamie agreed to have the wedding there considering Zoey's parents would pay them no charge for spending a weekend at their resort. The only fees they would end up worrying about was plane tickets and food and other wedding coordination's.

Phil despised the idea of the wedding being set in Thailand; it was such a hassle. He couldn't understand why Jamie and Stu couldn't just get married in Vegas like they did the first time. Stu didn't want to be reminded of that; he wanted something new and fresh and one that he could _remember_. Jamie didn't care if their wedding was going to be in a foreign country. As long as they got the resort for free, she was cool with it.

It was a dream wedding that they were both looking forward to… until something happened that was _not_ supposed to happen.

.

.

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"_Hi, you've reached the office of Doctor Stuart Price, please note that the office will be closed until the 24th, if this is an emergency please try..."_

"_Hi this is Doctor Stu Price, I'm getting married, so I'll be out of the country for two weeks. I'm not sure if I'll have cell service, if this is a dental emergency ple-_"

"_Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run For The Cure. This is Pam. Hahaha. Just kidding. This is Jamie Webster speaking. Obviously for obviously obvious reasons, I can't get to the phone right now either because I don't like you or I don't care or I'm too lazy or all of the above. Anyways, please leave a message after the annoying beep!"_

"_Hello, this is Paige Franklin. I'm sorry if I failed to answer the phone but I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible, I promise. Please leave a message after the beep!"_

"_Hello?... What's up?... Ahhh! Gotcha! Such a gullible motherfucker! Sorry, okay, this is Connie Miller and you were just talking to a sneaky voicemail message that I personally set up! Hahaha! If you really have to leave a message then leave one. But just note that I am very lazy when it comes to reading voicemails so make it quick! Byeee!"_

"Shit…" Zoey muttered worriedly about her friends and her younger brother, Teddy, wondering where the hell they were. Literally, the wedding was about to start in a couple of hours and both the bride and groom weren't present.

"Any luck?" asked Lauren, Zoey's younger sister with a concerned expression. Zoey only shook her head and sat down on the couch with Lauren and Doug's wife Tracy across from her strict parents. Zoey's father and mother then began to speak in their native language. Zoey looked at them annoyed, knowing that they were talking shit about the groom. You see, ever since Jamie known Zoey since they were younger, Jamie was very close with her family along with Lauren and young Teddy. Zoey's parents treated Jamie as if one of their own.

"Daddy, please." Lauren interrupted. "You're not helping." Tracy looked at her and Zoey in confusion and then to her parents.

"He's not right for Jamie. I expected more for her. When I looked into his eyes, not the eyes of a man, the eyes of a coward." Her father spat. Zoey and Lauren's mother looked at him worriedly. She grabbed his hand and began to mutter to him once again in their native language. Tracy's phone then began to vibrate, she quickly excused herself from their presence and went to stand out on the balcony.

"Phil?" she asked.

"_Tracy. I'm sorry_."

"Where the hell are you?"

"_It happened again_."

"Don't say that. Please."

"_No. This time, we really fucked up_."

"Seriously. What is wrong with you six?"

"_So much, Trace. I don't even know where to begin_."

"Oh God. How bad? Like, no wedding bad?"

"_Yeah. A little worse than that_."

_One Week Earlier_

.

.

.

"You really need to floss more." Stu said, as he observed over Phil's teeth.

"Fuck that." Phil responded, slightly annoyed. "That's why I come here." Stu lifted the light out of Phil's face and turned towards the counter as Phil sat up a bit.

"Then you should come more than once every two years." Stu pushed back his chair, separating him and his best friend.

"Why, so you bleed me out of all my money?" Phil argued. Stu bent over a pad of paper and wrote something down, trying not to get aggravated over Phil's selfish ways.

"I never charge you a dime, Phil."

"Hey!" Phil called, grabbing the mask. "How do I work the Nitric?"

"Uh, you don't, actually." Stu said, busy doing his work.

"Oh! Come on!" Phil argued again, his voice muffled by the mask. "Just one hit."

"Fillings look pretty good." Stu responded, ignoring his complaints. "Any other problems?"

"Yeah, actually." Phil said, as he leaned back in the chair. "You're getting married in Thailand. For starters that flight for me, that's two grand right there and then my ex-wife is watching Eli, so now they have got these whole new things to hold over my head, plus," Phil added, before Stu could interrupt him, "It takes five days to get there."

"It's a sixteen hour flight," Stu corrected irritated. "And it's beautiful when you get there."

"Whatever, it's a hassle."

"It is kind of far." Stu agreed. "Jamie's been there a couple times to visit Zoey's family. But really, it's worth it once you get there. Plus, it saves money from our pockets. I mean, Zoey's parents loves Jamie so much that their willing to give us the resort the entire weekend without charge. Jamie's dad even agrees that it would be worth it."

"Who gives a shit about Jamie's fuckin' crazy dad." Phil complained, as he took off the bib. "Her dad hates you." Phil walked over to the window and looked outside.

"He doesn't hate me." Stu argued weakly. "He only hit me in the balls with his cane, one time in Vegas and called me a few names, but other than that, I think he kind of likes me."

"Heh. Yeah fucking right. I just don't understand why you can't just get married in Vegas like you did last time. It's so much easier."

"Why can't you just be excited for me? This is my wedding!" Stu explained. Phil thought about it for a few moments and then he looked back at Phil.

"You're really happy, huh?" asked Phil. Stu nodded without hesitation.

"I really am." Stu agreed. Phil thought about it for another moment and then he took a deep breath. He wasn't going to get Stu to change his mind, he'll just have to admit defeat.

"Alright." He said, caving. "I'm happy too." He shrugged and began to walk out the door, but not before he slapped Stu on the shoulder. Stu thanked him.

"It's going to be fun." Phil agreed, he slapped Stu on the shoulder once more and then made to exit Stu's office. But not before he noticed a very familiar book lying on his counter. Phil picked it up and inspected it. _"The Hangover." Written and Experienced by Paige Franklin. _Phil snorted as he turned the book over.

"You're reading Paige's book?"

"Yeah, actually I am. It's pretty good and detailed. Paige definitely has a talent for literature." Stu smiled. Phil nodded.

"Bet she does." He paused for a moment. "Paige is gonna be at the wedding, right?"

"Well, of course."

"Yep. This is _definitely_ gonna be so much fun." Phil smirked wickedly before setting the book down and saluting Stu before walking out.

"Phil!" Stu called before he could get away. "Put the prescription pad back." Phil stopped and turned to look at Stu. He walked back into the office and reached down the front of his pants to pull out the prescription pad. He slammed it on the desk. Stu thanked him once more.

"You know that's a felony, right?"

"Fuck you, man." Phil swore, before he turned and walked out the office door once more.

"Was this right up against your scrotum?" asked Stu, picking up the pad of paper.

"Yep," Phil answered, without stopping.

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Jamie Webster was currently driving to her best friend, Connie Miller's house. They were both scheduled for a hair and nails appointment. The black-haired woman was excited to spend an all-girls day with Connie. Both Zoey and Paige were both busy that day, doing who knows what.

Pulling the car into Connie's driveway, Jamie stepped out of the vehicle, looking cute in her jean shorts and plain white tank top with a pair of adorable pink flip-flops. Also, she really needed to get a good hair trim when they get to the salon. Jamie's hair was down past her boobs and nearly hitting her ass. Her dark hair was that long.

She hummed an annoyingly addicting Katy Perry song under her breath as she walked up to Connie's doorstep and knocked on the door. Twice. She held her huge wedding planner for dummies binder and book in her hands as she tapped her fingers against her shorts impatiently. _Jesus Christ._ What was taking Connie so long to answer the door? _Was she taking a shit or something?_

Finally, Jamie had enough as she grabbed Connie's spare key under the matt. She unlocked the door impatiently and went inside, shutting the door behind her as she went. As soon as she looked around her surroundings, the whole place looked dark; all the blinds were closed, no usual T.V. was turned on. _What the hell?_ Was she even home? Her car was parked right outside.

"Connie?!" Jamie called out, setting her binder down on the counter along with her car keys. "Hey, bitch tits?"

No answer. How strange. Hmm. Maybe she went to check the mail or something. But wait. The mailbox was right outside her house. Perhaps she was taking a walk… Nah… Jamie knew for a fact that Connie was way too fucking lazy to take walks. That's incredibly weird. Then where the fuck is she? Doesn't she know that she's supposed to have a non-lesbian day date with Jamie?

"What a slut…" Jamie muttered, realizing that Connie obviously forgot about that. She began to mindlessly walk around, trying to look for Connie. Until she stumbled upon something on the staircase. _What the fuck?_ She observed closer and picked up the material and realized it was huge ass whitey tighties!

"Ew, ew, ew, ew!" Jamie cursed as she threw the large underwear behind her. She could've sworn she saw a brown stain in the back. That only means… the gross thought made her gag and make her want to throw up. _God damn, wash your fucking asshole, Connie! But wait, Connie's ass isn't that big… What the fuck? Did someone break into her house and rape her?_ Jamie grabbed a baseball bat that was lying on Connie's floor and began to walk up the steps to the second floor. She would beat the shit outta the mothafucka who intends to lay his filthy hands on her.

She slowly came to the first room and with her bat ready, she kicked the door open and yelled, "BOOGA BOOGA MOTHERFUCKER!" Oh. There was nobody there. Bummer. She really wanted to bash someone's head in.

Suddenly, she heard something. Sounded more like giggling. _The fuck?_ Jamie tightened her hands around her bat and snuck up on her tippy toes to the next room. More giggling was heard. _What the hell? Did Barney decide to show up and rape Connie? Oh wait, I forgot, he only likes to rape little boys and girls. _Jamie came to the next room and aimed her bat if necessary. She kicked open the door like a boss.

"FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER! I GOT A BAT, SON! DON'T FUCK WITH THE— OH MY GOD!" Jamie screamed, dropping the bat as she shielded her eyes. Much to her wild surprise, both a naked Connie and Alan screamed in return as they covered each other with the blankets on the bed. "MY EYES! OH GOD! WHAT THE FUCK CONNIE! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU ON DRUGS?!"

"Jamie, no, it's not what you think!" Connie covered her chest with the blanket, looking both shocked and scared. Alan just looked confused.

"NOT WHAT I THINK? NAKED YOU PLUS NAKED ALAN OBVIOUSLY EQUALS BEASTIALITY!" Jamie completely turned around and still shielded her eyes. She could've sworn she saw Alan's ding-dong. Ew. Just ew. It will be forever imprinted in her mind.

"Hi, Jamie!" Alan waved happily. "How are you? Ow!" He complained after Connie slapped his shoulder, obviously hinting that it was the wrong time.

"How dare you, Con! You'd rather have sex with an animal than hang out with me!" Jamie complained, still covering her eyes, not daring to open them.

"Oh, shit! The non-lesbian day date was today?" asked Connie before scrambling out of bed. "Sorry, Al. It was fun and all but girl duties call!" She began to get dressed as Alan watched her like the pervert he was.

"Okay. We should play hide and seek under the blankets again another time. It was fun." Alan smiled shyly. Jamie audibly gagged. Connie smiled before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Another time." She agreed. Alan nodded and began to put his clothes back on. Before he left, he turned to Jamie.

"Have you seen my underwear lying around?" he asked confused.

"Yeah. Downstairs. By the way, they need to be washed. Pretty sure I found a shit stain." She said disgusted towards the fat, bearded man.

"Oh, that's not poop. That's chocolate." He grinned as Jamie looked at him weirdly but didn't say anything. He waved to Connie happily. "Byee, Connie bunny!"

"Byee, Alan pookie!" She grinned. "Call me!" she called out as he shut the bedroom door. She was smiling like an idiot until she noticed that Jamie was staring at her as if to say a major _What the fuck_?

"What?" asked Connie innocently as she began to put clothes on.

"_Pookie_?" asked Jamie disgustedly. "What the hell, Jamie? Last time I remembered, you hated Alan. And now he's your fuck buddy all of a sudden? I'm so confused."

"Hey! He's not just a fuck buddy! He's more than that!" Connie argued as she pulled her blue hair into a bun. "He truly has a heart of gold when you get to really know him."

"That's gross."

"So's your relationship with Stu."

"Our relationship is not gross."

"When you make out constantly, it's gross."

"We made out in front of you once. And it was only because we had a little too much to drink that night."

"Still gross."

"So is Alan's underwear."

"Okay. Yeah. I agree. That is gross."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

.

.

.

After a long and weird day with Connie, Jamie came back to her house and immediately packed up a duffel bag and headed for Stu's house to spend the night. She called him during work when she was driving over there, letting him know for once that she was staying over. Of course he didn't mind whatsoever. Once she got there, almost instantly she fell asleep on his couch, waiting for him to get home.

When Stu did get home, he decided to surprise her with a beautiful bouquet of roses which were Jamie's favorite. He also picked up a tub of strawberries and chocolate dipping sauce, knowing that was Jamie's favorite too. Unlocking his door with a wholehearted grin on his face, he stepped in to find Jamie asleep on the couch in a hilarious position. Her mouth was wide open and her legs were sprawled out on the sofa with her arms lying in inhuman positions. She looked like a fuckin' exorcist when she slept. Stu smiled lovingly.

He quietly shut the door behind him and placed his bags and roses on the kitchen counter before slowly heading towards Jamie was sleeping soundly, actually snoring loudly and obnoxiously. How did he get so lucky? He smirked, deciding it would be funny to scare the shit out of his fiancée. Grinning giddily, he ran and retrieved his stupid gorilla mask. _Wait till Jamie wakes up to this_… Stu thought amused.

He quietly snuck up to her, placing the stupid-looking gorilla mask on. Stu watched her for a moment until he decided to make his move. His hands suddenly tickled her sides and he gave out a stupid gorilla roar that sounded retarded.

Jamie's eyes shot open. She screamed and without thinking, she unknowingly punched Stu in the face, effectively knocking him off of her. She continuously screamed as she sat up on the couch, looking desperately for something to defend her with. Jamie grabbed a bottle of lube that was sitting on the table next to the couch. _Wait, what the fuck?_ _My future husband owns a bottle of lube?! _She quickly discarded the thought as she repeatedly smashed the bottle over the gorilla's head several times making the gorilla scream like a little bitch. _Yeah! Be afraid!_

"BAD GORILLA! I GOT KARATE KID MOVES YOU NEVER SEEN MUTHAFUCKA! DON'T FUCK WITH THE—"

"BABY! STOP IT! IT'S ME! STU!" He practically yelled out desperately. Jamie halted with the bottle of lube and looked at him confused. She couldn't hear him because his voice was muffled behind the mask.

"Huh? What was that?" The only response she got was Stu stripping off the gorilla mask completely. He was breathing heavily like he was about to have a heart attack. "Stu! What the fuck? I thought you were an intruder!"

He didn't answer as he tried to get his breathing in control. He pulled off his glasses and noticed a crack in them.

"Baby, I'm so sorry! You should've said something! By the way, why do you own a bottle of lube?" asked Jamie thoroughly confused as she stared at it. He looked at her with wide eyes before turning away purposely. _Well that didn't go accordingly too planned_. He thought bitterly as he limped back to the kitchen.

.

.

.

"Oh my god!" Tracy gasped as her and Doug were in the car, driving to somewhere. "I just realized."

"What?" asked Doug.

"I forgot to renew my passport."

"Oh no!" Doug said, feigning sadness. "It's a good thing I did it last week, it's in the kitchen drawer."

"You're the best!" Tracy smiled at her loving husband.

"Hey!" Doug responded, grabbing her hand and planting an affectionate kiss on it.

"And you are a great person." This statement confused Doug a little. "Like a really good person." Tracy continued.

"Thank you." Doug said, a little scared about where this was going.

"So I know you're not going to get mad."

"Mad? Mad at what?"

"Alan found out from Connie that we're going to Thailand for Stu and Jamie's wedding." Tracy explained.

"So?"

"So? He's heartbroken, Doug." Tracy explained. "You guys are like his family."

"No, you're family, is like his family." Doug corrected. Tracy looked at him miserably.

"All Alan talks about is the seven of you." Tracy argued. "And that weekend." Doug shot Tracy a cautious look.

"Wait a second." Doug realized. "Is he the one that keeps calling me at all hours of the night, and then hangs up?"

"He does that when he's upset." Tracy explained. "He doesn't understand why he's not invited."

"Can you just run it by Stu?" asked Tracy desperately. "Just run it by him. For me." Doug only gave her a look and continued to drive.

.

.

.

"No fucking way!" Stu snapped. "Absolutely not." He argued. Right now, he and his best pals were at a local IHOP in town, eating brunch while the girls all had a shopping day.

"Come on Stu, its killing him." Doug reasoned. Stu looked at him suspiciously.

"How the hell did he find out?" asked Stu, starting to get angry.

"Connie." Doug answered.

"Damn her!" Stu complained.

"Stu, just invite him! He's upset right now!" Doug tried to argue once more.

"I don't care. Honestly, the two of you were barely invited." Stu shot at both Phil and Doug. They both groaned at the cheap shot.

"I get it. I really do." Doug conceded. "It's just you know what, Alan considers you to be one of his best friends."

"I consider Alan to be insane." Stu argued. "Not to mention, he totally spied on me and my fiancée in bed!"

"Wait, what?" asked Doug, shocked. Phil only snorted.

"You and Jamie had sex? I thought you were one of those freaks who waited until they get married or some shit like that." Phil said as Stu only blushed.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out."

"Fuckin' Stu! Jesus Christ!" Phil interjected annoyed. "So what if he spied on you idiots in bed! Who wouldn't? Throw him a bone. Doug already said, that his dad has already said that he'll pay for everything he eats and everything he breaks. You know what, we should try to squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party."

"That's good." Doug agreed, while Stu looked a little uncomfortable.

"I'm glad you brought that up because this is the bachelor party."

"What?" asked Doug.

"What are you talking about?" Phil asked in confusion.

"Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch." Stu explained, while the pair looked at him in confusion. "Go crazy, get same chocolate chip pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress." Phil slammed his cutlery on the table.

"That's bullshit." Phil groaned. "You can't just skip out on the bachelor party, Stu."

"You see that," Stu asked, pointing to his glass of orange juice on the table. "That's orange juice with a napkin on top. Do you know why? So nobody roofies me."

"Well I refused to eat fucking cantaloupe at bachelor party!" Phil snapped angrily.

"Come on, Stu!" Doug argued, as well. "Don't you think you're over reacting?"

"No." Stu answered. "I don't. I'm still putting the broken pieces of psyche back together." Phil laughed sarcastically and began to mutter under his breath.

"And you know what the glue is?" Stu asked. "Jamie. And I'm not doing anything to screw that up."

"Oh please, you wouldn't even be with her, if it wasn't for us!" Phil argued.

"Oh, this'll be good." Stu said sarcastically.

"Stu." Phil called, "Think about it. If it weren't for Alan almost killing us from colliding with that truck or me having to take a shit and Doug needing gas for the Mercedes, you probably would have never met Jamie. Take Vegas out of the equation and you would have married a complete cunt." An elderly couple that set next to their booth, look at Phil in shock and anger.

"Oh, it's okay!" he told the disgusted couple. "I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait," he paused, "There's no alcohol. I forgot, we're in a fucking IHOP." Doug shook his head, as Phil replaced his sunglasses back on his head.

"Well, it's my decision and its final, so how about a toast!" Stu offered, as he raised his glass of orange juice in the air. Phil slammed his cutlery onto the table once more.

"This sucks!" he announced. "I'm going to wait in the car."

"Come on, Phil." Doug said as Phil stood up from his seat. "Where are you going?"

"No Doug, I just don't get it. He's getting married in Thailand and marrying a bitch. That's great for him, but what about us? It's just selfish. Shame on you." Phil said and then left the restaurant not bothering to look back at Doug and Stu.

"Don't worry Stu, I will stand up for you no matter what." Doug said, as he slapped Stu on the back.

"Thank you." Stu answered.

"But you got to help us out with this Alan thing." Stu looked up and then at Doug. _Oh fuck!_

.

.

.

"Guys, I can't tell you how much this means. Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got wind of the wedding." Sid explained, as he led the threesome towards Alan's room.

"I'm sure he has." Stu mumbled sarcastically.

"Yeah." Sid agreed. "He's been standing outside by the mailbox every day."

"Wow, that's rough." Phil said.

"Yeah, I, uh, I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas, you know. He really needs this." Sid clarified then knocked on the door as the threesome exchanged a look.

"What?" they heard Alan call, not bothering to come to the door.

"Sweetie, its Papa, you have visitors. Go in slowly. Give him a chance to activate." The group nodded. The door opened and Alan stood there looking at all of the guys surprised.

"Hey Alan!" Doug greeted with a big cheesy smile.

"Hey guys!" Alan answered. "Hey Phil."

"Hey bud," Phil greeted, also with a fake grin. Alan stumbled a bit before he invited them to come in. They all answered positively even though Stu's were a little forced. He gave them each a slap on the back or a hug when they walked through the door. His father smiled at him.

"Okay, see you on the court in half-" Alan slammed the door in his face. The threesome looked around Alan's room.

"Pretty cool room, Alan." Phil complimented.

"Oh, thanks Phil." Alan answered, smiling bashfully. "My dad pays my rent." It was then that Doug and Stu saw the pictures up on his wall.

"Alan, what the fuck?! We were supposed to delete these. You made a promise!" Doug exclaimed, once he spotted the photos.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Stu complained, "What the hell? I'm not cool with this at all. You can't have these."

"Chillax Stu." Alan explained, while Phil smiled and laughed at some of the photos. "Nobody ever comes in here."

"Total violation of trust!" Stu complained. "Oh my God!" he screeched when he spotted a photo of him and Jamie in bed when they found out that Alan was spying on them at Stu's house. They were both screaming, trying to pull the covers up as Alan gleefully took the photo. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Alan?!" Phil laughed when he saw the photo.

"Mother, I'm done with my lunch!" Alan said into the intercom, ignoring Stu's complaints. "It's just sitting here."

"_I'm sorry, honey, I'll be right up_."

"I can't believe you guys stopped by." Alan said in awe. "This is really cool."

"Wait a second." Phil interrupted, looking at another photo. "Alan, is that Mr. Chow?"

"Yeah." Alan answered casually. "We still keep in touch."

"Chow, the guy who kidnapped us?" asked Stu, looking at Alan strangely.

"He didn't kidnap us, he kidnapped black Doug. Remember, it was a whole misunderstanding. He's actually quite charming." Alan explained.

"Alan, he's a criminal!" Stu reasoned. It was then that Mrs. Garner walked in.

"Excuse me everyone." she greeted.

"Hi, Linda." Doug greeted, smiling at the older woman.

"Hi, Dougie!" she smiled, before she grabbed Alan's plate and melted milkshake.

"I guess we don't do desert anymore." Alan complained, narrowing his eyes at his mother. "I didn't get that memo."

"I'm sorry, darling." Linda answered. "I'll be right back."

"Would a cupcake kill you?" Alan snapped. Doug looked at him in shock for being so rude to his own mother.

"Holy fucking shit!" Phil exclaimed, noticing a few particular pictures laying on Alan's desk. "Is that Paige?"

"Yeah!" Alan laughed as Phil picked them up. "During her tour in New York!" Phil looked over the pictures and immediately realized that Alan must've been somehow stalking her. There were a few random photos of her walking through the streets of New York, some of them of her texting on her cell phone or looking behind her, the expression on her face obviously stating that she felt like she was being stalked. And she certainly was. Phil noticed another picture and frowned down at it. She was shown hugging another guy. And they looked awfully close.

"Alan, who is this?" asked Phil, showing the picture to Alan. He smiled.

"Oh, that's her boyfriend! They like to cuddle a lot!" Alan grinned like a pervert. Phil clenched his fists as he stared down at the picture angrily.

That was when Stu's phone began to ring. He silently thanked that it was Jamie calling him.

"WARNING! WARNING! IT'S THE WIFE! WARNING! IT'S THE WIFE!" Doug and Phil laughed at the ringtone. Stu picked it out of his pocket and politely excused himself, stepping out of Alan's room and settling in the hallway for some privacy.

"Hey, honey!" Stu tried to add enthusiasm in his voice but failed miserably.

"_Hey, baby_!" Jamie's enthusiastic voice on the end. "_Just calling to let you know that we're going to go out to dinner tonight! I'm too lazy to work in the kitchen tonight! Shopping is such a workout_!"

"I bet!"

"_Yeah! And oh, my gosh! You'll never guessed where I just shopped at… Victoria's Secret and picked out the cutest little outfit for… well you know_." She drawled out the words a bit seductively making Stu gulp.

"Um, awesome!" Stu didn't know how to respond to that as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "You'll never guess what I'm doing right now…"

"_Taking a shit_?" she guessed automatically. Stu frowned.

"No."

"_Sex change_?"

"What? No!"

"_Masturbation_?"

"NO!"

"_Then what? Holy fucking shit! Just tell me_!"

"I'm inviting Alan to our wedding!" Stu yelled out in frustration. There was a pause.

"_Are you drunk_?" she asked seriously.

"No."

"_You sure_?"

"Yes, Jamie. I'm sure."

"_Oh God_."

"Yeah, I know."

"But why?" she complained.

"Because." Stu answered. She groaned.

"_Aw, you suck_."

"Love you too, boo."

"_Heh. Love you even more, Four Eyes. See ya when you get home_." She then hung up. Stu let out a sigh as he pocketed his phone and went back into the gremlin's room.

"You know, I still don't think this is a good idea." Stu said, reminding Doug, why they were there.

"Um, Alan." Doug said, before Stu could say anything further. "We have a little surprise for you. Stu would like to invite you his wedding." Stu put on a fake smile.

"Well, only if you're not busy." Stu continued, hoping silently that he was in fact and he would not be able to come.

"Stu." Phil reprimanded lightly.

"Well maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town." Stu offered desperately.

"No. They're in Rally during that weekend." Alan answered, dashing Stu's silent prayers.

"Are you really being serious, Stu, you're inviting me?" he continued to ask. Stu struggled to answer positively.

"Yeah, why not." Stu finally answered after a moment. "It'll be fun, right?" Alan then turned to Phil.

"Phil, are you going?"

"Of course!" Phil answered.

"Then it will be fun!" Alan decided, and he slowly smiled. It was then that the smile disappeared off his face and he reached for the mini fridge. He pulled out a small needle and he jammed it into his thigh. Stu and Doug gasped in surprise.

"What the fuck are you doing, man?" Phil asked.

"It's my immunizations." Alan explained casually. "It's the last day I can do it." He pulled the needle out of his thigh once he finished with it.

"That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse!" Stu told him.

"I am a nurse!" Alan answered, holding up the used needle. "Just not registered." He threw the needle onto his desk and then went into one of the drawers.

"Oh, hey Stu!" Alan said, as he pulled something out of the drawer. "Look at this. I bought it because I thought of you." After fiddling with the thing he placed it on his desk and the threesome looked at it. It was one of those chattering teeth toys. This one specifically had a tooth missing, the exact tooth that Stu had pulled out when they were in Vegas.

Stu glared murderously at Alan while the goon fuck himself only grinned at him.

.

.

.

**Whoo! Second chapter done! Yay! Also too, don't worry, for all of you PhilxPaige lovers out there, seriously don't sweat it! It will be certainly interesting when they see each other soon!**

**Also, just saying, please don't expect them to get together so quickly because I just don't find that realistic, one of the main reasons why they don't automatically get together in the first one. I want them to develop a little bit first before having actual actual feelings! Trust me, when they realize they love each other... it... will... be... epic...!**

**Please tell me what you thought ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: Aw, I'm so glad that you like this story so much. I hope you continue to like it. Now, I give you the third chapter to Wild Ones! Yay! I'm on a roll here with these chapters :D Oh and also, my very good friend **seasidewriter1 **created two awesomely awesome posters for Raise Your Glass and Wild Ones! If you want to check them out, I put a link up on my profile! Please check them out! They are amazing! Also, I made a few new sets of what the girls are wearing for their trip. Again, I put up a link on the profile, you should be able to find it :)**

**A huge thank you to**11Dr-Luv, PrincessMeowKitty1889, LivinYoungAndWildAndFreeeee, Ryan1441, SecretWonderland96, seasidewriter1, Outsidel0okingin, bella-pg18, takemetowonderland33, ClarityJones43,**and **Porcelain-xox **for your wonderful reviews! :D**

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 3_

Finally, the long week before the wedding was over. Everyone decided to meet each other at the airport. When they did, they all walked through the airport together. Jamie and Stu walked arm in arm, both of them either rolling or carrying suitcases. Phil walked right beside them, checking his ticket. From behind them, Tracy and Doug walked together along with Connie and Alan who were in the very back. Comically, Alan was shown smoking a pipe which questioned Connie greatly. Didn't he know smoking wasn't allowed in an airport? Guess not…

_S099G6 Copenhagen 2:35 Boarding B14_

_UA998 New York 2:50 A5_

_DL2781 Bangkok 3:15 On Time B10_

_AB626B Montreal 3:20 C28_

_MX861E Mexico City 3:45 A7_

_AV307E Vancouver 3:55 5:15 Delayed A2_

_TT884 Seoul 4:15 B11_

Paige wasn't with the group at the moment considering she was still in New York with her boyfriend. She was supposed to arrive later probably most likely during the rehearsal dinner that was later that night.

"Hey, losers." Jamie greeted with a smile as she noticed Zoey and her younger brother Teddy with her. She thought of Teddy like her own younger brother. She smiled at him and hugged him before hugging Zoey. Stu also gave Teddy a hug, already met him a few times since the past couple of years since he's known Jamie.

"How are you, man?" asked Stu, smiling at the younger teen.

"All right, thank you." He answered shyly. Jamie thought he was absolutely adorable.

"Who's this guy, Jamie?" asked Alan, a little rudely. Both Jamie and Connie shot him a look. He seemed a little angry that someone else was joining them on their flight to Thailand.

"This is Teddy." Stu told him happily. "Zoey's little brother."

"Zoey has a little brother?" asked Alan, looking more confused than ever. Connie mumbled an "oh my God" and pinched the bridge of her nose. Sometimes it really was hard to take Alan anywhere. She was starting to regret about telling him about the wedding.

"Yes. He goes to Stanford. Pre-med." Jamie explained to Alan while rolling her eyes at the bearded devil. "Teddy, obviously you've met Stu. This is Phil, but beware, he's an asshole." Jamie whispered to Teddy as Phil shot her a look; he really wanted to strangle her. "This is Doug and his wife, Tracy." Teddy and him shook hands. "And this is one of my best friends, Connie, and her abnormal boyfriend, Alan." Connie smiled as she shook hands with Teddy while Alan only glared at the two of them, looking a little jealous.

"Wow." Said Phil in surprise as he shook hands with the younger boy. "Stanford? How old are you?"

"He's seventeen." Stu answered for Teddy. "Kind of a genius."

"Actually I'm sixteen." Teddy corrected. "And I'm not a genius. My dad just let me take the entrance exams early."

"Because you're a genius in the family, doofus." Zoey said to her brother as everyone chuckled politely in return.

"So, what are you a doctor?" asked Alan, narrowing his eyes.

"No." Teddy answered. "Not yet. I'm pre-med."

"Ever hear of that guy, Doogie Howser?" questioned Alan. Connie gave him a weird look.

"Yeah…"

"Well, he turned out to be a gay." Alan elaborated.

"Alan." Both Doug and Connie chided.

"Dude." Jamie scolded.

"Connie, put a leash on that thing." Zoey told her friend, glaring at Alan for being so rude to her brother like that. "And better yet, a dog muzzle on him or something."

"I wish." Connie snorted before turning to glare at Alan. He only gave her an innocent look. "Knock it off, or no cuddling for a week." Alan looked at her horrified.

"What? That's not fair! I was just stating a fact that he turned out to be gay! It's true, I read it in Teen People!"

"Right, okay." Teddy said a bit awkwardly. "Well, I'm going to get a book or something for the plane. Do you guys want anything?" Phil, Jamie, Doug, Tracy, Connie, and Alan all turned down his offer.

"Actually, I would actually like a smart water." Stu said. Teddy nodded.

"Cool." And then he walked away, probably feeling awkward as hell. Thanks to stupid Alan. After Teddy walked away, Jamie snorted at Stu's choice in drink. Stu looked at her innocently.

"You're such a dork." She chuckled half-heartedly.

Stu straightened himself a bit before replying innocently, "No, I'm not." Jamie raised her eyebrows as if daring him. "Okay, maybe a little." He admitted. Jamie smiled at his cuteness.

"That's my boy." She leaned up and kissed his cheek softly making him smile.

"I'm not a _boy_. I'm a man." He said. This time, she snorted sarcastically.

"That's, like, the funniest thing I heard all day, babe." Stu rolled his eyes at her before deciding to avert his attention on Alan who was still glaring at Teddy's back. He scolded him.

"What's the matter with you? He's sixteen-years-old."

"Yeah, Alan. Take it easy, man." Phil agreed with Stu.

"Well… well I'm a little confused." Alan explained, causing the group to look at him stupidly. "Is he here just to see us off or what? How does this work?"

"How does what work, _pookie_?" asked Connie softly, placing her hand on his shoulder. Jamie rolled her eyes and silently gagged at the gross nickname.

"Is that person coming to the wedding?"

"Yes, Alan." Zoey confirmed in annoyance. "My little brother, is coming to the wedding. Is that okay with you?" Alan put on his sunglasses.

"Well, it's just the first time I've heard about this. You could have paged me." he said, as he walked towards a group of chairs. The group stared at him in frustration. Jamie turned to Connie questionably.

"How in the hell do you manage to put up with that _thing_ every day?" she asked, jerking a thumb towards Alan who was picking his nose and inspecting it. Connie shrugged.

"Seriously, Connie? What is wrong with you?" added Zoey who grimaced at the ugly sight of Alan. Again, Connie shrugged.

"I'd rather not answer that question, Zoey." Was Connie's simple response before she followed after Alan to make sure he wasn't causing any trouble.

Afterwards, everybody situated themselves in chairs. Of course, Connie (who was reading a book) and Alan (who was staring straight ahead at nothing) sat together, leaving an empty chair. Then Stu (he was reading some book) and Jamie (reading a magazine) were sitting together. Then Phil (observing his airline ticket) sitting next to Zoey (texting on her iPhone). Following them were finally Tracy and Doug (both of them reading).

"Hey." Teddy said, as he found them. "Mind if I sit?"

"Wolf pack only." Alan snapped. "Find another chair." Connie slapped him upside the head as Stu looked at him in frustration and then lifted the bag that Alan had placed between the two of them.

"There's no wolf pack, Alan. Come on." Stu said getting upset over Alan's sudden rudeness towards the younger and innocent boy.

"It's no problem." Teddy said, not wanting to cause any trouble. "I can find…"

"Teddy." Stu interrupted, attempting a smile towards him. "Don't be ridiculous. You're sitting here."

"Careful." Alan shouted as Stu tossed the bag on the floor. "That's a Lewis…That is a Lewis Vuitton."

"Ignore him." Jamie told poor Teddy. "He's messed up in the head." Teddy only nodded, not really knowing how to reply to that. Handing Stu his water he requested, Teddy took the empty seat between Stu and Alan.

"That's a nice neck roll." Alan suddenly complimented. Teddy looked at him in partial surprise.

"Thanks." He answered, trying to stay on Alan's good side. "You can use it if you want." Teddy offered. Alan snatched it from his hands, playing with it for a moment before he suddenly threw it across the gate like an asshole. Connie slapped him on the head again while the others glared at him for his bad behavior.

"He needs a shock collar, I swear." Jamie mumbled, glaring at Alan. But he only ignored her and the others, tuning them all out as he put his headphones on, playing his music.

"Why is Alan being a dick, all of a sudden?" Stu whispered in Jamie's ear. She only shrugged and continued to read her magazine.

"I don't know." She simply answered, still looking at her magazine. "But, man! Check out those abs on Channing Tatum! _Channing! Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Channing! I wanna Channing all over your Tatum_!" she sang and Stu only looked at her irritably.

"Can I see that?" he asked innocently, holding his hand out.

"Yeah!" she smiled and handed him the magazine.

"Oh. Good." Then he threw it across the room, much like Alan did with the neck roll. Jamie's mouth hung open as she stared at her fiancée in disbelief.

"What the fuck?" she asked in frustration at the smug look on his face. "You did not just do that!"

"Oh, I did. And it felt _great_." He smiled at her before returning to his book. She only glared and huffed, pouting and crossing her arms and slouching in her chair. Stu smirked victoriously.

.

.

.

The flight was long and tiring. Phil ended up falling asleep. As did Zoey and Teddy. Connie fell asleep too and leaned her head on Alan's shoulder as he only stayed awake, still listening to his music and staring at Teddy who was sitting a few seats away. Jamie fell asleep cuddling into Stu's shoulder as he stayed up on his laptop.

Once they finally landed, everyone was happy to get off the freakin' long plane. Two white limos were waiting outside for them and take them to the hotel (which Zoey's parents owned) in which they would be staying for the duration of their time in Thailand. Zoey and Teddy along with Doug and Tracy took the first limo. Stu and Jamie and Connie and (unfortunately) Alan along with Phil took the second limo.

Jamie gasped and "ooh" at the inside of the limo. It was nicely clean with long seats across from each other and a bottle of champagne inside an ice basket along with some champagne glasses. Stu and Jamie occupied one of the seats while the others piled on the one across.

They broke out the champagne and poured it into the glasses for a pre-celebration. They all raised their glasses prepared for a toast.

"Jamie, I have known you since we were little." Connie started. "I even remember the first day we met. You were trying to steal my ham sandwich and then I punched you in the face. And then we became friends since that day. You are the most eccentric little bitch I've ever known and I'm glad that you finally found love in your life. You deserve it. Congrats to the both of you! Cheers!" Connie raised her glass and clinked them with everyone.

"Okay, my turn." Phil spoke up. "All right, Stu, buddy. I guess I really don't have much to say at the moment but I have to say this." He paused. "I'm proud of you, Stu. Almost like a father would be proud of his son. And Jamie, I'm only being nice to you because of your wedding but I'm just gonna say, I'm glad that Stu is marrying you and not that cunt Melissa."

"Gee, thanks." Jamie said wryly as Stu only chuckled with a huge grin.

"Here's to Stu and Jamie. The best of luck to both of you weirdos." Phil smiled at the both of them and raised his glass. "Cheers!" Another round of clinking glasses before everyone took a sip.

"Alan, do you have anything to say?" asked Connie, looking at her boyfriend expectantly.

"I do, actually." He suddenly took out a big piece of paper and everybody groaned out loud, especially Stu and Phil.

"Alan, don't!" Everybody complained. "Come on!" Alan ignored them all and started to read off his paper.

"Hello." He started, pausing a bit for dramatic effect. "First of all, I would really love to congratulate both Stu and Jamie, especially Jamie because she's so beautiful." Connie cleared her throat uncomfortably and Jamie forced a smile towards him. "It's such a shame that you're gonna be taken off the market." Stu and Jamie both shared looks. _Market? What?_ "But seriously, Jamie, Stu…" Another dramatic pause.

"Holy shit, man! Get on with it!" Phil complained once more.

"You two are perfect for each other." Alan said seriously. Both Stu and Jamie looked partially surprised but smiled anyways. Jamie placed her hand on top of Stu's and held it. "To Stu and Jamie!" He raised his glass, as did the others. "May the farts be with you!" he announced proudly. Everyone gave him _fucking_ _really_ looks.

"Sweetie, it's may the force be with you!" Connie corrected. Alan only ignored her.

"Cheers!" everyone clinked glasses and took another sip, deciding to drop it.

Soon, everyone was having fun and they all blasted some music. Everyone started to sing, surprisingly including Phil. Or maybe it was the alcohol that was influencing him.

"_You know I flaunt ya. Cause girl I really want ya." _Alan sang, looking directly at Connie as she danced in her seat.

"_And you lookin' nice. Got me cooler than a bag of ice_." Jamie sang, grooving her hips to the beat on her seat.

"_Now, freeze, freeze, freeze.._." Everybody sang, gradually slowing down for a dramatic effect.

"_Now go_!" Connie crooned.

"_Drop it fast and move real slow_." Alan added.

"_Oohhh… whaaat_?" Everybody chorused.

"_You smell so fruity_." Connie sang, banging her head in the air.

"_I'm a pirate. You're my booty, arghh_!" Stu sang, slinging an arm around Jamie and trying to sound seductive but failing miserably making Jamie laugh and smile.

"_So move it there close_." Phil sang, gesturing with a finger.

"_And let me have my daily dose_!" Stu added. Both Jamie and Connie gasped for dramatic effect. He turned to Jamie. "_Girl, I've been thinking about you, thinking bout me. Whatcha thinking about me_?"

"_Five fingaz to the face_!" Connie sang, giggling. "_Five fingaz to the face_!"

"Five fingaz to the face!" Jamie chorused, dancing on her seat to the beat. "_Five fingaz to the face, bitch_!"

"_I love Martina, Vanessa, and Georgina_." Phil sang.

"_It's the lady's choice_." Stu sang. "_So Imma make sure to make some noise_."

"_And now we're sweatin'. Got my turbo engine revvin' (vroom_)." Alan sang horribly off-pitched.

"_They stop and stare. All them haters think it's just not fair_." Jamie sang.

"_That I'm six foot one and I'm tons of fun_!" Phil stood up, singing.

"_And I'm about to put this club in gear_." Stu also stood up. "_So fellas, grab a cup_!"

"_What_?" all the guys chorused.

"_All my ladies, you know what's up_?" Stu sang.

"_Yeah_!" Both Jamie and Connie chorused.

"_Put your hands in the sky if you're feelin' fly_!" Alan raised his hands up, also standing up.

"_And tell me that you_…" All Phil, Stu, and Alan sang.

"_What…?"_ Jamie and Connie chorused.

"_Cuz I'm the man in charge."_ Phil sang.

"_And you know I'm livin' large."_ Alan sang.

"_I got a big white house and a fancy yacht!"_ Jamie sang, standing up and dancing in her spot.

"_And a garage full of classic cars!"_ Alan added.

"_What you talkin' bout, boy?"_ Jamie rounded on Alan.

"_Oh, calm down."_ Alan sang.

"_I know you don't think you can just come up in here and buy me_!" Connie waved a finger in Jamie's face.

"_Come on_!" Alan chorused.

"_You know what I got for you_?" Phil asked.

"_Five fingaz to the face!"_ Connie sang. _"Five fingaz to the face!"_

"_Five fingaz to the face, motherfucker_!" Jamie sang.

"_Five fingaz to the face_!" Both Connie and Jamie sang.

"_Ohhhh_!" Everybody sang.

.

.

.

After the random moment in the limo of singing the gayest song ever, they arrived at the beautiful hotel. The hotel was beautiful on the outside and it became even more beautiful when they entered.

"Ah, it's good to be back home." Zoey sighed out in relief as they walked inside.

"I wonder if there's a McDonalds around here somewhere." Connie wondered out loud.

"Hey, Connie." Alan caught her attention. "If you were McDonalds, I'd be your Burger King. I'll have it my way and you'll be lovin' it."

"Shut up, Alan." She said annoyed.

"If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be the McGorgeous."

"Enough with the cheesy pick-up lines, Alan."

"I do love cheesy cheese burgers."

"Alan!"

"What? They're magically delicious!"

"Oi, I'm gonna need some therapy after this damn wedding!"

"You know, Four Eyes." Jamie said as her and Stu walked in holding hands. "You know why I love the fact that we're going to be married soon? Because it's just so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

"Oh, goodie." Stu said sarcastically.

"Hey guys!" Zoey's little sister Lauren greeted them all happily. "Welcome to Thailand!"

"Hey, Lauren!" Jamie greeted, pulling her in for a hug. "Long time, no see!"

"I know right! Four years is a very long time!" Lauren agreed. "But congratulations so much! Where's the fiancée I've been hearing about?"

"Right here." Jamie tugged Stu forward forcefully. "Lauren, this is my fiancée, Stu Price."

"Oh." Lauren looked surprised before she gradually covered up and firmly shook hands. "It's nice to meet you, Stu. I'm sorry, I thought you were her brother."

"Her what?" Stu asked with confused frown.

"Okay, let's go see our rooms, shall we?" Jamie attempted to change the subject by pulling Stu along. When he kept on complaining about what Lauren said, Jamie sighed. "Don't sweat it, babe. Everybody in Thailand is a little rude."

"Could've warned me."

"I didn't feel like it at the time."

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.

.

_**Okay so this was more of a filler chap, nothing really important! I'm really excited because next chap we get to see Paige again and the dinner rehearsal and let's just say writing that is gonna be really... interesting. Shit about to get real.**_

_**Btw, I don't know why I added that song from Victorious in that chapter! Yes it was random and stupid but that's what this story is all about; not being taken seriously and just being goofy and random! Guess I was just feelin' like it! Plus I thought it would be hella funny and fun and random and absolutely sexy if Phil sang along! Like Holy Shit! It's amazing what fangirling can do to you ;)**_

_**REMINDER: Check out the posters and the outfits that the girls are wearing on my Polyvore. I put up a few links on my profile so you should be able to check em out!**_

_**Thank you guys so much for your support and I'll see you next chapter!**_

_**Please, as always, tell me what you thought in a review :)**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: Aw, I'm so glad that you like this story so much. I hope you continue to like it. Now, I give you the fourth chapter to Wild Ones! Yay! This chapter is mostly going to consist of the crazy rehearsal dinner and the bon fire scene :D Can't wait to hear what you guys think! Oh! And also, check out the posters for this story and Raise Your Glass! I put up links on the profile! Thanks to everyone who checked them out :D**

**A huge thank you to** PrincessMeowKitty1889, LivinYoungAndWildAndFreeeee, Ryan1441, SecretWonderland96, seasidewriter1**, **Outsidel0okingin**, **bella**-**pg18**,**takemetowonderland33**,**** and **ClarityJones43** for your wonderful reviews! :D**

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 4_

"Stu." Snapped an irritated Phil. "What the fuck? You said that Paige was going to be here for the wedding." Stu rolled his eyes. Both of them were outside the hotel, dressed nicely for the event. Guests were arriving for the rehearsal dinner.

"Stop complaining for once, Phil." The exasperated dentist replied to the taller man. Phil was seriously starting to get on his last nerve. "And for your information, Jamie told me that she's supposed to be here tonight."

"God. This fucking sucks." Phil sighed dramatically, crossing his arms. "For a minute there, I thought that maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. But hey – guess fucking what? I changed my mind. Coming here was a bad idea."

"Are you on the rag or something?" asked Stu with a slight smirk. He only received a glare. Stu snorted. "Phil. You are overreacting. Like, _really_ overreacting. Chill out, man. I promise you – the girl of your unrealistic dreams in going to be here tonight. I assure you."

"Let me ask you something, Stu – and I want you to answer it truthfully."

"Okay…" Stu wasn't sure where Phil was going with this.

"Does she really have a boyfriend?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Fucking yes, Stu. Just answer the question."

"You're not going to like the answer."

"Fuck." Was Phil's short and quiet response. Stu slapped him on the shoulder gently.

"Hey. Cheer up, man. It's gonna be okay."

"I hope you're right." When Phil looked behind Stu's shoulder, he noticed Jamie exiting the hotel door. "Found your pain-in-the-ass fiancée."

Stu rolled his eyes annoyed at his best friend before his eyes landed on his fiancée. If he thought she was beautiful before – he was surely mistaken. She was wearing a gorgeous raspberry-colored lace one-shoulder mini-dress. **(A/N: Look up the set on my Polyvore.) ** Gentle waves of dark hair fell down her shoulders. Jamie looked absolutely stunning. Stu felt like he almost couldn't breathe. Phil only rolled his eyes at Stu's reaction.

"Hey, boys." She greeted, slyly grabbing a champagne flute from a passing waiter. She stood in front of them. "Stu, you look incredibly handsome." Her fiancée reddened. She turned to Phil. "Phil, you look incredibly annoying." Phil's eye twitched.

"Same goes for you." He replied dryly, taking a long sip from the champagne. "Well – I'll take this as my cue to leave. Careful with the devil's spawn, Stu." Then he walked away. Jamie flipped him off from behind.

"Asshole." She commented absentmindedly before turning to her fiancée. "Wow. Everything is so beautiful out here. I can't believe we're about to get married in a gorgeous place like Thailand." Jamie smiled excitedly.

"I can't believe I'm about to get married to the most crazily beautiful woman I know." Stu responded happily. Jamie's smile grew. She leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. He gratefully returned it. "You really do look beautiful tonight." He whispered in her ear. Jamie's heartfelt response was a kiss to his cheek, pulling him closer.

"I love you." Was her whispered response.

"I love you too." Was his whispered response.

"Jamie Webster." An older voice said from behind them. Both of them startled, they instantly broke contact from the hug. Jamie instantly recognized the older gentleman.

"Papa Chang!" It happened to be Zoey's father. Ever since Jamie and Zoey were young, she would always refer to Zoey's father as _Papa Chang_. She even called Zoey's mother _Mama Chang_. "It's been so long! How are you?" she asked as she gave the older gentleman a hug.

"I am well, dear Jamie. You look beautiful tonight." Papa Chang replied with a smile towards the younger woman. "And it has been too long. You need to come and visit here more often."

"Absolutely. Have I introduced you to my fiancée, Dr. Stuart Price?"

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Stu smiled and shook the man's hand. Papa Chang's smile was forced and stiff.

"Likewise." Was Papa Chang's short response.

"This is absolutely beautiful. We can't thank you enough for everything you have been doing to make this wedding happen here." Stu wrapped his arm around his bride's shoulder. Papa Chang once again forced a smile.

"Of course. So, tell me, Stuart. What is it that you do back in your country?"

"I'm actually a Doctor."

"Impressive." Papa Chang acknowledged with an actual smile.

"Of dental science." Jamie added with a smile.

"Not so impressive." Papa Chang's smile fell. Stu frowned. "You have to realize that in my country, we don't consider dentists to be real doctors." _Ouch._

"I understand." Was Stu's forced response. Jamie placed a hand on his arm. She knew how much that affected him. His feelings easily got hurt.

"Papa Chang." Jamie spoke up, surprising the older gentleman. "Look, Stu may not be an actual Doctor but you don't have to go and insult him like that. Stu is an amazing dentist – I would know this because he's the one who cleans my teeth for free."

"You're right, Jamie. I apologize. That was out of line." Papa Chang told them both. "I hope you two both enjoy tonight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and talk to Teddy about his cello performance tonight." Papa Chang walked away, leaving the bride and groom in an awkward silence.

"Papa Chang is scary." Stu commented, still staring at Zoey's father.

"I know." Jamie agreed, also staring at Zoey's father.

"Papa Chang is obsessed with his son, isn't he?" observed Stu. Jamie nodded in agreement.

"Teddy is his prized possession." The bride explained. "It's always been that way. Besides Teddy, Zoey and Lauren were both spoiled by Papa Chang. Every time I would go to Zoey's house, her father would have a present for each of those kids every time. Almost like having Christmas every day."

"Lucky bastards." Stu mumbled.

"I know, right?"

That was when Alan and Connie were walking towards the couple. Connie looked stunning tonight, wearing a similar dress like Jamie's except her dress was the color of a dark-pink. Her blue hair was curled nicely and her bangs were styled perfectly. Alan was wearing something very ugly while he was talking on the phone.

"That was my dad. I'm a stay at home son. We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense." Alan randomly told Jamie and Stu. Connie only rolled her eyes.

"Oh, that's so unnecessary." Stu said. Alan completely ignored him and turned to Jamie.

"I've been meaning to ask someone. I noticed this is a fishing village. Is there a Long John Silver's on the island?"

"Or a McDonalds?" Connie added.

Jamie's eye twitched in annoyance. "No, you guys. We don't have a Long John Silver's or a McDonalds here in Thailand. At least, not that I know of."

"But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood." Stu added.

"Better than Long John's?" asked Alan.

"Yes."

"I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening. Connie, follow the leader." He told her as he suddenly took Jamie's champagne flute and walked away, Connie trailing behind him. Jamie stared at her empty hand until she turned to Stu.

"I could've sworn I was holding a champagne glass just now." She huffed in annoyance. Why was Alan being so rude all of a sudden? And why the hell was Connie _allowing_ it?

"God. When did Alan become such a dick?" Stu complained, staring in disbelief at the bearded man. A few years back, he was a total sweetheart. An idiot, but a sweetheart. _What the fuck happened?_

"Who knows, Stu?" Jamie shrugged, sighing.

"JAMIE!" an excited voice squealed out. The bride and groom spun around to find a familiar female – Paige.

"OH MY GOD, PAIGE! YOU MADE IT!" Jamie instantly sprinted towards Paige and engulfed her in a huge hug – Paige couldn't breathe. Ah, but what the hell? Alas, the two best friends hugged each other.

"I'm so thrilled that you're here." Jamie said, smiling like an idiot. She let go of Paige to let her breathe. "Really though, I'm so happy. This day just got a whole lot better."

"Yeah." Paige laughed at her best friend's giddy excitement. "Sorry I'm so late. The flight took longer than expected."

"No need to apologize." Jamie dismissed with a wave. "All that matters is you're here now. And oh my gosh – you colored your hair!" Jamie realized. Over the past week, Paige dyed her chocolate brown hair with caramel highlights. It looked good on her. "And holy shit – you got a tan!" And Paige had a nice glowing tan – not like Snooki or anything, but a nice natural one that made her teeth look instantly whiter.

"Thanks for noticing." Paige said with a breathless laugh.

"Hell yeah! You look hella hot! No homo!" Jamie added, giggling. Playfully, Paige rolled her eyes.

"Thanks." She said before turning to the groom. "Stu! It's been too long! You look great!" She complimented before giving the lucky man a hug.

"It has been too long – you need to come and visit more often." Stu told her, accepting the hug. "And thanks, you look great too." They broke apart, smiling politely at each other.

"So, where's Con Con?" asked Paige, looking around aimlessly. Jamie shrugged.

"Probably at the buffet with fatso." Paige quirked an eyebrow at the unfamiliar nickname. "Alan." Jamie clarified.

"Ah." Paige nodded, now understanding. "Figures." She muttered, shuddering at the thought of Connie possibly liking Alan more than just a friend. Ew. Just ew.

"Hey, babe." Said an unfamiliar voice from behind Paige. The caramel-haired woman turned around at the mention of her nickname. A handsome man strolled up to her, no older than age-thirty. He had jet-black hair and the most smoldering blue eyes that Jamie has ever seen on a man. **(A/N: Picture Ian Somerhalder.) **

"Eric." Paige grinned at the sight of him. Without warning, he pressed a heated kiss to her surprised lips. Paige wasn't about to complain as she only wrapped her arms around him. Both Jamie and Stu frowned at the sight.

"Ew." Stu mumbled, only loud enough for Jamie to hear.

"Gross." She agreed. _Get a fucking hotel room – this isn't Vegas!_

Finally, the couple pulled apart. Paige had a huge grin on her face – Eric was smirking in glee – Stu looked disgusted – Jamie looked like she was going to throw up on the spot.

"Babe, you gonna introduce me to your friends?" asked Eric, smirking a bit. For some reason, Jamie didn't like the vibe she was getting from this strange man.

"Oh, yes." Paige replied, almost breathlessly. She gestured between them. "Eric, this is my best friend, Jamie – the bride. And Stu – the groom."

"Ah. Congratulations to the both of you." Eric flashed a charming smile towards the to-be-married couple.

"Thank you." Stu replied firmly as he shook hands with Paige's _new_ boyfriend. Eric turned his attention to Jamie.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Webster." Unexpectedly, Eric grasped Jamie's hand and pressed a chaste kiss against it. Paige only smiled at her boyfriend for the sweet gesture – Jamie stared suspiciously at him – and Stu only looked away uncomfortably, not liking this gesture one bit.

"Thanks." Jamie replied flatly before withdrawing her hand quickly from his own. Eric only smirked at her uneasiness. It was making her feel really uncomfortable with the way he was eying her.

"You look beautiful tonight, Jamie." Paige said sincerely towards her best friend. Jamie smiled at the compliment.

"Thank you. You should probably change. The dinner's about to start soon. Wouldn't want to miss it." Jamie told them. Paige nodded and Eric only nodded.

"Yeah. You're right. We'll check into our room and meet you back down here." Paige said, clasping her hand around Eric's toned arm.

"Sounds good." Stu replied forcefully. He did not like this man, so far. Not one bit. Jamie had mutual feelings.

Paige and Eric dismissed themselves and began to walk back towards the hotel entrance to check in for the night.

"Something strange about Paige's boyfriend." Jamie muttered, taking a sip from her champagne glass.

"I need more champagne." Was Stu's only dry reply as he downed the rest of his glass.

.

.

.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Phil complained to Jamie and Stu. The rehearsal dinner was about to start in about another thirty minutes. The bride and groom were forced to tell Phil on what happened with Paige and _Eric_. "She's here with her _boyfriend_?" he spat out the word as if it was revolting.

"Unfortunately." Jamie replied simply. Truthfully – at this point, she wished Paige was with Phil rather than Eric – and that's saying _a lot_.

"This is _bullshit_." Phil cursed loud enough for an elderly couple to hear as they glared at the blonde man. "The _fuck_ are you looking at?" he snapped at the older couple – they glared at him before walking away. Phil let out an exaggerated sigh. "Can't believe this – and here I was thinking that there was hope."

"There is still hope, man." Stu tried to reason with him. Jamie only scoffed.

"Are you joking me? Do you see how that Eric dude has Paige wrapped around his attractive little finger?"

"Attractive?" Stu nearly coughed out, turning to look at Jamie, almost in jealousy. Jamie rolled her eyes.

"Oh, hush. You know I find you more attractive than anyone I know." Jamie cooed at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek – making Stu smile bashfully and Phil roll his eyes at them.

"Yawn." Phil said annoyed. "What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" he asked desperately.

"You can start by shutting your fucking ass up." Jamie snapped at him, thoroughly aggravated of his whiny complaints. Phil glared at the shorter woman.

"Hey – fuck you, stupid whore!" Phil cursed at her. This didn't faze Jamie whatsoever. "Over 90 % of the time, you never shut the fuck up!"

"Oh, really? You wanna go there, Philip? Is that what this is?"

"Enough – both of you." Stu snapped at them. Jamie and Phil glared at each other for a long amount of time, making Stu sigh with exasperation. "Can you two please _attempt_ to be nice to each other tonight?"

"It was his fault – he started it!" Jamie pointed at him.

"Bitch – no it was not my fault!" Phil yelled.

"Knock it off!" Stu half-yelled at them as if they were children. Both Phil and Jamie shut up – sometimes, they really acted as if they were brother and sister – both of them trying to get the best of each other. "Apologize to each other!"

"Sorry." Jamie bit out, crossing her arms childishly.

"Okay, I'm sorry too – sorry for you being such a cheap whore—"Phil didn't get to finish – Jamie punched him right in the nose. Her hand burned like hell as it connected with his face – Phil bent down and grasped his nose, groaning in obvious pain.

"Jamie!" Stu snapped at her for punching his friend. Jamie only clutched her throbbing hand, glaring at the injured man.

"I am _not_ sorry for that." She walked away angrily, leaving Stu with a fuming Phil.

"Fucking _bitch_." Phil harshly spat out as he clutched his nose. Stu guided him to a random table and forced him to sit down.

"Phil – you promised me that you wouldn't start any fights like this." Stu scolded him. It was partially Phil's fault – and Jamie's fault.

"Fuck that, man." Phil mumbled, his nose started to bleed a little. "Your fault you can't control that little bitch of yours." Stu only sighed irritated.

"Come on, man. My wedding is tomorrow. Please, I need you to be on your best behavior – if not for me then do it for Paige. She would want you to be the better man in this situation."

"Whatever." Phil only mumbled, grasping his bleeding nose. "I need some tissues." He excused himself, leaving Stu alone at the table.

.

.

.

"That _arrogant_ son-of-a-bitch!" Jamie spat out angrily as she marched away from the two men. She was so irritated and angry – that stupid asshole could think that he would make her wedding a living hell – _fuck no_! As an attempt to cool herself off, she strolled into the hotel and headed straight for the outdoor swimming pool area – she seriously needed a moment to chill for herself.

She stripped off her heels and sat down on the pavement and dipped her bare feet into the cool water. Stupid Phil – always ruining everything. After a moment or two, she gradually began to calm down. The chlorine water was perfect temperature to dip feet in.

As an attempt to get her heated mind off of things, she thought about what her wedding day would look like tomorrow – truthfully, she was excited yet nervous at the same time. Her parents – Stu's parents – everyone was gonna be here. And she was scared.

Normally, she would always remind herself that she was confident enough in those situations – but this was different. She's getting married for God sakes! And to the most wonderful man she's ever met. Jamie seriously could never ever see herself with anyone else rather than Stuart Price.

Jamie Price. _Jamie Price_. It had a nice sound to it. Thinking about it brought a grin to her face. She wondered about the look on his face when she first walks out on alter aisle – wedding dress, hair, and makeup. His jaw better drop – that's for sure.

She jumped in surprise when she heard someone approaching from behind her. She craned her neck, turning to find Eric approaching her. He was wearing a white dress-shirt and black slacks. He looked even more devastatingly handsome than before. _Oh fuck_… Jamie thought annoyed. She really didn't want company – especially Eric's.

"Enjoying yourself?" asked Eric as he stood above Jamie with a haughty smirk. She wanted to wipe that damn smirk off his face.

"Very much." She replied politely yet there was definitely annoyance laced in her firm tone. Eric seemed to notice this as his smirk grew and he had the nerve to take a seat next to her, rolling up his pant sleeves as he too dipped his bare feet in the water. Jamie glared at this action. He didn't seem to mind.

"Thought you'd like some company." Was his smooth reply. Jamie's eye nearly twitched. Again – Eric didn't seem to pay attention to her annoyance. Or perhaps he was doing this on purpose. Only one question formed in her mind – _what the fuck is wrong with you, Paige_? This guy is such an arrogant douchebag. And she thought Phil was an arrogant douchebag. Oh how the tables have turned.

"Thanks." Jamie managed to reply as nicely as possible – probably sounded fake though. Either way – Eric looked like he didn't care.

"Excited for the big day tomorrow?" asked Eric, turning his smoldering attention on a suspicious Jamie. She forced herself to nod – don't punch him in the face, Jamie. Don't punch the arrogant asshole in his face – otherwise, Paige would get very upset. But she has good reason to punch him in the face.

"Yeah. Very excited." She bit out.

"Your fiancée seems like a good guy." Eric observed, occasionally glancing between Jamie and around his surroundings.

"He _is_ a good guy." Jamie corrected firmly. "Unlike _others_." Eric seemed to find her last sentence amusing as he chuckled at her secure response. Jamie narrowed her eyes.

"What's so funny?"

Instead of answering her question, he completely changed the subject. "Like I said – he seems like a good guy and all – but I'm honestly shocked to find you marrying a guy like him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jamie asked, starting to get angry. Did this jackass seriously have the nerve to even suggest that Jamie's too hot for Stu or something?

"No offence on Steve's part—"

"His name is _Stu_."

"My apologies, Jamie. No offence on _Stu's_ part – I just find it odd and strange for such a beautiful woman like you marrying a not-so-good-looking fellow like him."

"_Excuse_ me?" Jamie didn't hide the anger in her voice now. Okay – _I'm sorry Paige, but now you're gonna end up with two lovers with broken noses. _

"You heard me." Eric said in a serious tone as he stared her down – his cold blue eyes capturing her green ones. Jamie opened her mouth in shock – what the fuck is wrong with Paige? What is it with her and assholes? For once – Jamie was actually shocked and didn't know what to say – usually she would always reply with a witty response – but honestly, she couldn't form the words in her mouth.

"What's the matter, Jamie?" asked Eric innocently – but she could tell from his tone that it was indeed fake. "Cat got your tongue?" he asked with a conceited smirk. Her anger was spiking up at each moment and it only made his annoying smirk grow. He chuckled at the twisted anger written clearly all over her face.

"Okay – you listen clearly, you arrogant prick." Jamie spoke firmly through gritted teeth. "You do not fuck with Paige – you do not insult my fiancée – and most importantly, you don't come over here and mess with me—"

Before she could finish the last of her threat, Eric suddenly and forcefully grabbed the back of her neck and crashed his cold lips against hers. Jamie's eyes widened at the sudden action – because her mouth was open in shock – he had the fucking nerve to force his tongue inside her mouth. Without even thinking, she bit down hard on his tongue – effectively drawing a little blood. Successfully, he let go of her.

Right before he could question her – she slapped him on the face – hard. His face snapped to the side, a red handprint mark visible on his pale cheek.

"What the _fuck_ is the matter with you?" she managed to yell out in his face.

"Don't lie to me – you enjoyed that."

"And I'm gonna totally _enjoy_ pounding your motherfucking face in!"

"You're threats are so cute." Eric twisted up another one of those annoying smirks. "I like that in a woman." Jamie was so angry at the moment – quickly she got up and grabbed her heels – not wanting to spend another moment alone with the jerk. "Aw, leaving so soon?" he asked in a pouty voice.

"Fuck you." Jamie snapped at him.

"I can make that arrangement." He cockily replied – Jamie glared at him and quickly walked away – feeling humiliated, embarrassed, and blindingly angry.

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.

.

"Holy shit…" Phil mumbled to himself when he noticed Paige for the first time – she looked absolutely beautiful to him. She was wearing a somewhat Hawaiian orange dress and her caramel-colored hair was halfway pulled back. **(A/N: Check out Paige's dress on my Polyvore. Links are on my profile.) **She was currently talking with some random person – he didn't fucking no and frankly, he didn't give a damn.

_Make her jealous_. A voice told him in the back of his head. That's perfect – and it would certainly grab her attention. He casually sauntered over towards her way, a few feet away – she would recognize anytime soon now.

Seeing a nearby woman standing by – without even thinking – he spun the alone woman around and forcefully pressed his lips against the random woman. He wrapped his arms around the woman when he realized she was kissing him back. Huh – maybe Thailand isn't so bad after all.

"Phil?" he heard Paige say. Grinning, he ended the kiss with the random woman as he turned to look at Paige with a huge cheesy grin.

"Paige, is that you?" he asked in a fake enthusiastic voice. She looked at him in shock.

"What the hell are you doing?" she nearly screamed at him. Phil appeared confused – what the fuck did she mean what the hell was he doing – he was obviously trying to make her jealous.

"What's the problem?" he asked with a haughty smirk.

"_Why were you just kissing my mother_?!" Paige screamed out.

"Wait – what?" Phil turned around and nearly threw up in his mouth when he realized the woman he was making out was indeed an older-looking woman – and she looked extremely happy. She looked at Phil with a flirty smile. Phil nearly threw up on the spot. "I – I didn't know that was your fucking mom!"

"Paige, honey, is this the man you've been talking about?" Paige's mother asked breathlessly, touching Phil's arm – he shuddered. "He's incredibly handsome – I'm jealous."

"Oh God – no mother." Paige told her mother annoyed. "This is Phil. He's not my boyfriend."

"Not your boyfriend? Then where is he?" Paige's mother looked thoroughly disappointed that Phil was not Paige's boyfriend.

"He's right here." Appeared next to Paige was Eric. A smirk was placed on his face as he greeted the elder mesmerized woman. "Pleasure to meet you, Miss Franklin." He expertly grabbed her hand and kissed it. Paige's mother swooned – Paige face-palmed herself. "You look lovely this evening."

"Oh – so you must be Eric then I assume." Paige's mother giggled. Phil made a face of disgust.

"In the flesh." Eric replied smoothly before turning his attention to Phil. He was the complete opposite of the sandy-blonde haired man – jet-black hair, blue eyes, pale skin in contrast to Phil's lighter hair, blue eyes, tanned skin.

"You must be Phil." Eric forced a smile. "I'm Eric." They both shook hands firmly – both of them seemingly staring at the other – already Phil knew he didn't like this guy. _What the hell is wrong with you Paige?_

.

.

.

Everyone was already seated by the time the rehearsal dinner started. Jamie's parents were there – so were Stu's and everyone else was there. Currently, Teddy was expertly playing the cello – astounding everyone with his musical talent. Everyone at the table had huge smiles on their faces – except Jamie – she was being unusually quiet and down. Stu noticed this.

"Hey, sweetheart. What's the matter?" asked Stu quietly as he could without attracting too much attention. Jamie seemed to snap out of it as she looked at him. "What's wrong?" he whispered with concern.

"Nothing." Jamie forced a small smile. "I appreciate the concern though."

Stu placed a comforting hand on her knee. "Bullshit." He stated bluntly. "We'll talk about this later." He told her as Teddy continued playing the cello.

Alan, continuing his dislike for Teddy, reached over Eric and Paige (who he was sitting next to) and tapped Phil on the shoulder. When he looked at him, Alan pinched his nose and gave him a thumbs down as if to say that Teddy stunk. Phil ignored him and turned back to Teddy's performance just in time for him to finish. The entire room applauded as Teddy returned to his seat, which unfortunately for him was beside Connie and Alan. Zoey's father stood and addressed the guests.

"Thank you Teddy, hands of a brilliant musician and one day a great surgeon," he paused and turned to look at Jamie and Stu.

"I admit it, when I first met Stu, I was not quite sold." He paused as the audience chuckled mistaking it for acceptance. "It seemed inattentive, he lacked intelligence and imagination." Eric smirked when he heard this. Both Jamie and Stu frowned. "He was missing a spark you look for in a man. But then I looked into Stu's eyes, he reminded me of my sweet brother Chiyoh. For those who do not know Chiyoh is learning disabled and lives in a group home." Alan laughed loudly making Connie smack his shoulder and Eric snorted, while the people that were close to Stu, watched in shock. Even Jamie's crazy father looked at the older gentleman in brief shock.

"But – Chiyoh loves chok, and that's when I realised that Stu is chok." Several of the guests looked around in question, they had no idea what chok was.

"What is Chok?" Stu asked Jamie quietly. She only shrugged.

"Chok is soft white rice in luke warm water." Papa Chang explained. "It has no taste. We feed it to small babies and very old people. It is nourishment that everyone can digest." Stu and Jamie began to look very uncomfortable as Papa Chang continues to insult him in front of all of their loved ones.

"The world needs chok, just as the world needs people like Stu." He paused and raised his glass to toast the couple. "To sweet Jamie and Stu. Congratulations." The rest of the guests raise their glasses and toast the couple as well.

"Now – I believe that Jamie's dear father has something to say." Papa Chang told everyone.

"You bet I do." Jamie's father, Sam, laughed as he stood up. "Jamie Christopher Webster."

"_Oh God_." Jamie mumbled.

"Jamie… Stu… weird people." He addressed everyone. "Stu – you're like a non-son to me. You remind me of last Thanksgiving turkey – really dry." Jamie coughed awkwardly and Stu looked offended. "But that turkey was worth it because it was five dollars." The audience was dead silent. "Tough crowd." Sam joked and continued. "Anyways – I'm not saying Stu is cheap – he's for free at a garage sale. But Stu – really – seriously – I'm proud to have a dentist marrying my daughter – because sometimes she forgets to floss. And Jamie – you're the craziest daughter I ever had. I can't believe you're marrying a dentist. Honestly – I thought you were gonna marry a hobo – like that bearded hippie over there." Sam pointed at Alan. Jamie glared at her father. "I remember telling you fairy-tale stories – but whenever I would read a part of a kissing scene between Prince Charming and some girl – you would yell out _booo_! Well… this is your fairy-tale… for now. And I hope you enjoy every annoying minute of it." He raised his glass. "Good luck to Stu and Jamie… well, mostly Stu."

"Gee, thanks, dad." Jamie thanked dryly.

"No problem, buggar."

A few more toasts were given out before Jamie excused herself to go to the bathroom. She quickly walked the girl's bathroom in the hotel and waited outside the door as she grabbed her cell phone and quickly texted someone who she very urgently needed to see.

A few moments later – the person she wanted to see approached.

"Alan." Jamie greeted firmly, crossing her arms.

"Jamie." Alan also greeted. "You texted me."

"Indeed, I did." Jamie said seriously for once. "We have a problem."

"I swear – I didn't clog the toilet!" Alan raised his hands in surrender, looking extremely terrified. Jamie looked at him in confusion.

"Wait – what? Ah – never mind. It's about Paige's new boyfriend."

"I know – he's handsome, isn't he?" Alan grinned like a pervert. Jamie scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"Fuck that – I need you to do something to him."

"Would you like me to rape him?" Alan asked with a serious expression. Jamie thought about it for a moment.

"Mmm – no, not good enough." She shook her head, thinking thoughtfully. "All right – here's the plan: I want you to sabotage him at any chance you get. Got it? Any questions?"

"Yeah. One question. How do I sabotage? Sounds like good salami to eat."

"You are so stupid." Jamie sighed exasperated. "No, doofus – I mean do something to make him leave – better yet, make him disappear. I don't want that selfish prick at my wedding tomorrow."

"Oh." Alan made a face of understanding. "But wait? Why do you want him to leave so badly?" Alan looked confused.

"It's a long story – you don't need to know." Jamie didn't want anybody to know what happened between her and Eric earlier. She didn't need any drama at the moment. If either Stu or Paige found out – chaos would ensue for sure.

"So are you gonna help me out or not?" Jamie asked Alan. He nodded frantically.

"Of course – you are the bride after all – and I would hate to disappoint the bride."

"Good enough." Jamie replied. "When we get back to the table – make your move. Are we clear on this? We on the same page here?" Alan giggled. "What's so funny?" She didn't find this situation funny at all.

"You said Paige's name." Alan laughed.

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret this?"

.

.

.

Soon, both Jamie and Alan returned to their seats. Alan gave Jamie a huge thumbs up that wasn't so subtle. Jamie only stared at him – yep she was already regretting this.

After a moment or two, Paige announced to everyone that she was going to sing for Jamie. Jamie almost choked on her drink – what the fuck? Paige sings? She didn't know about this. Surprisingly, Paige picked up the new confidence as she stood up and asked Teddy if he could play the piano for her. She gave him a score sheet she folded in her purse – willingly, Teddy got up and headed for the grand piano set across from the table.

"What the hell is she doing?" asked Jamie towards Stu. He only shrugged.

"What the hell is she doing?" asked Phil towards Jamie and Stu. They both shrugged.

Once Teddy set up, he began to play the keys softly at first. Paige had the courage to sit on the grand piano while Teddy was playing for her. She had her iPhone in her hand as a substitute for a microphone. She began to sing softly – hesitantly at first.

"_I don't wanna make a scene  
I don't wanna let you down  
Tryin' to do my own thing,  
and I'm starting to figure it out  
That it's alright keep it together where ever we go  
And it's alright oh well whatever  
Everybody needs to know_."

Everybody was absolutely quiet – her voice wasn't extraordinarily beautiful but it was pretty and soothing enough.

"_You might be crazy  
have I told you lately  
That I love you  
You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly."_

Jamie smiled at Paige encouragingly.

"_And it's crazy  
That someone could change me  
Not no matter what it is I have to do  
I'm not afraid to try  
And you need to know that you're the reason, why_."

"Aww." Jamie crooned at Paige's song.

"_I don't even care when they say you're a little bit off." _Paige continued.

"Hey!" Jamie said jokingly, playfully narrowing her eyes at her best friend.

"_Look me in the eye  
I'd say I could never get enough  
Cuz it's alright keep it together where ever we go  
And it's alright oh well whatever  
Everybody needs to know_

_You might be crazy  
have I told you lately  
That I love you  
You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly_

Sneakily, Alan looked at Eric's champagne glass. Since Eric was busy watching Paige, Alan carefully and slowly took the glass in his grasp. Quietly, he downed the rest of the golden liquid and pulled down the fly of his zipper as he expertly moved the glass underneath the table. A barely audible peeing sound was heard as Alan relieved himself in Eric's champagne glass.

_And it's crazy  
That someone could change me  
Not no matter what it is I have to do  
I'm not afraid to try  
And you need to know that you're the reason, why_

_If it was rainin' you would yell at the sun  
Pick up the pieces when the damage is done  
You say it's just another day in the shade  
Look at what a mess we made_

_You might be crazy  
have I told you lately  
That I love you  
You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly_

_You might be crazy  
have I told you lately  
That I love you  
You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly_

_And it's crazy  
That someone could change me  
Not no matter what it is I have to do  
I'm not afraid to try  
And you need to know that you're the reason why  
I don't wanna make a scene  
I don't wanna let you down."_

After the song ended, everyone applauded for Paige. Jamie was so thrilled that she got up from her seat and gave Paige a huge hug – thanking her for the beautiful song.

"And now I believe that Teddy has something to say." Papa Chang announced as everyone settled back down in their seats. Teddy began to rise from his seat before Alan leaned over Connie and grasped the younger boy's elbow.

"Sit down. I got this." Alan told him. Teddy looked unsure but sat down anyway as Alan stood up – much to the dismay of Connie as she rubbed her temples. "That was an awesome song, Paige! Had no idea you could sing. You've got the voice like an angel. I've actually prepared a few words." He reached from his pocket for some index cards. "Hey everybody, here's some fun facts. The population in Thailand is 63 million people, it is twice the size of Wyoming. Its chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice. Each year, approximately 13 thousand people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. The climate in fact-"

"Alan." Doug interrupted. "Why don't you skip to the last car there, buddy."

"Okay, sorry," he said. "None of you know Stu like I do. Not you, not you, not you, not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do."

Jamie and Stu both shared a look.

"No one." Alan continued dramatically. "I can't even tell you what we have been through because we made a pact, more important than blood." Phil and Stu exchanged smirks while the girls only rolled their eyes. "What I can tell you is this: this is not the first time Stu and Jamie got married." Everyone looked at Alan in shock. "There was a time in Las Vegas a couple of years ago where we all got wasted—"

Both Stu and Jamie thanked the Lord when Phil stood up and told Alan to sit back down. There was a blanket of heavy silence before dramatic whispers were heard across the room.

"To Stu and Jamie…" Connie managed to say as she raised her glass to change the subject.

"To Stu and Jamie…" Everyone else repeated.

As soon as Eric took a sip of his _champagne_ – he instantly spat it out. Jamie noticed this and a small smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth. Alan also noticed this and spread a full smirk across his mouth.

"What the fuck is this – _piss_?!"

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.

.

Stu and Jamie were standing in front of the elevators. The rehearsal dinner had just ended and all Stu wanted to do was spend time with Jamie and then go to bed. He was just tired and didn't want to be anywhere someone could find him. Jamie was still laughing at the look on Eric's face after he drank Alan's piss.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Stu asked her playfully as her laughing increased.

"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't – either way that was hilarious!" she giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him.

"Well that was exactly as painful as I expected it be." Stu said, as he wrapped his arms around Jamie's waist, after he pushed the up button on the elevator.

"Oh, hush. It wasn't that bad – could've gone a lot worse." She grinned at him before they both leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh, rice pudding!" Phil called as he strolled over to the couple. "What are you doing?" Stu laughed sarcastically.

"Very funny, Phil."

"How's your nose doing, Phil?" asked Jamie with a fake, innocent expression.

"How the fuck do you think it's doing?" he snapped at her. Before Jamie could have the chance to reply – she noticed Paige strolling over to them – without Eric, thank God.

"Sup, girlfriend." Jamie greeted her friend before giving her another warm hug. Paige grinned.

"Sup, James."

"Ugh. Hate that nickname."

"Oh. I know."

"You know what – we should all have a drink tonight – in celebration for the big day tomorrow." Phil announced happily.

"Are you serious?" asked Paige.

"Why not?" Phil grinned at her.

"You know. I'm really exhausted. I think Jamie and I are gonna go upstairs and just crash." Stu said.

"Come on, I just spoke to the manager." Phil explained. "He's going to let us have a bonfire down on the beach."

"Oh, hell yeah! That sounds like a lot of fun!" Jamie agreed – she could definitely use a drink tonight. Especially after what happened between her and Eric.

"Nah. I'm good." Stu shook his head.

"Oh – Stu, baby! Come on!" Jamie pleaded with him. "It'll be just one drink. I'll come with you. Everyone came here all this way!"

"I just want to hang out with you." Stu complained. Both Paige and Phil looked at each other and unison rolled their eyes at the couple.

"Come on. Let's just go." She practically begged him, placing her hands on his chest. "We should bring Teddy along, as well. He never gets to have any fun." She gestured to Teddy who was listening to music on his laptop and looking bored out of his mind.

"That is a great idea." Phil agreed. "Bring the kid."

"Alright." Stu caved finally. "One drink." At that moment the elevator came. Jamie gave him a quick peck and both she and Paige entered the elevator to quickly change from their formal dresses. Phil waved to Paige and she playfully rolled her eyes and did the same.

"See you in a few minutes." Stu said, just before the elevator doors could close. Jamie waved goodbye and the guys made their way to the beach.

.

.

.

"My Uncle Roger said that he once saw an albino polar bear." Alan told the guys and girls as they sat around the fire, waiting for Phil to come with the beer. Zoey decided not to join them this time, too tired. Unfortunately for them – Paige brought along Eric with her. Jamie was still out on revenge for him – she was at the hotel, making a _special_ margarita for him.

"Really?" Stu asked. "Polar bears are white. How would he know if it's an albino?"

"This one was black." Alan explained.

"Do you ever think that maybe it was just a black bear?" asked Stu.

"Whatevs." Alan shrugged. Connie sighed – she couldn't remember why she liked him. It was then that Phil returned with the beer.

"Okay, here we go." He said, as he returned. "American beer."

"Alright," Doug cheered.

"Sealed bottles," Phil assured Stu.

"Thank you." Stu said as Phil handed him the bottle.

"Thanks, Phil." Connie thanked as Phil tossed her one.

Phil tossed Paige one and rather more roughly, dropped Eric's bottle harshly into his lap. Eric glared at this rude action.

"I'm not really old enough to drink." Teddy said, as Phil shoved the bottle into his hand.

"Yeah, it's illegal." Alan agreed. "It would be a shame if someone reported you."

"Nobody's reporting anybody." Stu assured. "Its fine, Teddy. Have a little fun." At that moment, Jamie returned with a margarita in her hand. She forcefully smiled at Eric.

"Hey, Eric. Getting comfortable, are we?" she asked as Paige cuddled into his side and Eric gladly accepted her embrace.

"Very comfortable." Eric smirked at her. She put on a big cheesy grin and held out the margarita.

"Thought I'd make you something special." She persuasively held out the glass. Eric shook his head charmingly.

"Sorry. I don't like margaritas." He told her, smirking. A tight smile formed across her face.

"Yeah, you do. Take it."

"No, I don't. No thank you."

"Drink it, bitch. Or I'll force it down your throat."

"Jamie!" Paige snapped at her. "What's wrong with you?"

"Yeah, Jamie!" Eric feigned innocence. "What's wrong with you?" he smirked a little at the end.

"Fine. Fuck you and your non-margarita drinking ways." She threw the glass behind her angrily – knocking Stu on the head.

"Ow!" he rubbed his head where the glass hit him.

"Sorry, babe!" she apologized before sitting down next to him.

"Careful," warned Alan, before Phil sat down on the marshmallows that he had brought for them to enjoy.

"What's this?" Phil asked with a smile. "Roasted marshmallows. Nice touch."

"Yeah that was Alan's idea," confessed Doug.

"Good thinking Alan." Phil said, before he threw them to the other side of Alan and opened his one beer, "You know I got to hand it to you, Stu, this place is paradise."

"Shit yeah, it is!" Connie agreed.

"Not bad, right." Stu agreed. "I'm really glad you're here. All of you guys, even you Alan. It means a lot that you made the trip. Thank you." He wrapped an arm around Jamie, pulling her close as she gave him a meaningful smile in return.

"Wouldn't miss it, buddy." Doug said, as he took a sip of his beer.

"Great." Phil said impatiently. "Now can we have our one fucking beer then?"

"Mmhmm."

"Alright toast," said Phil, as he stood up. "Come on stand up guys. Come over here Alan. To Jamie and Stu, you did it buddy." They raised their beers and congratulated Stu and Jamie, unknown of the trouble that would await them once they woke the next morning.

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**I apologize if this chapter sucked - but I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Now, the moment that I've been waiting for - the waking up scene - that will be interesting to write. **

**Remember to check out Polyvore sets :D**

**Can't wait to hear what you guys think! Love y'all! XoXo**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: Awe, I'm so glad that you like this story so much. I hope you continue to like it. Now, I give you the fifth chapter to Wild Ones! Yes! The chapter I have been waiting for to write! The wake-up scene! Can't wait to hear what you guys think!**

**A huge thank you to **bellapg18, Mandalore the freedom, seasidewriter1, **and **Ryan1441 **for your wonderful reviews! Please keep them coming :D**

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 5_

Paige squirmed in her sleep, occasionally tossing over to get in a comfortable position. Whatever she was sleeping on, definitely wasn't comfortable, in the slightest. She moaned softly in her deep sleep when she felt a strong arm drape across her waist, successfully pulling her closer to the figure that was sleeping behind her. Tanned fingers gently caressed her bare stomach, eliciting a small smile to spread across her full lips. Whatever the person was doing to her, it felt good. Paige cuddled into the man sleeping soundly behind her, her hand unconsciously covering the own man's hand, lacing their fingers together as they slept peacefully.

Little did Paige know, she was sleeping next to Phil. Both of them cuddled together on a beaten and lumpy couch in a disgusting motel room. Cockroaches skittered around the floors. A broken record player was softly playing in the dead quiet room. The motel room itself was an utter trashy mess; broken bear bottles were all over the floor. A torn and beaten Spongebob piñata lay on the dirty floor, used condoms and candy spread all around it. Black-light paint was splattered all across the stained walls and the filthy floor. Complete disgusting mess.

In the middle of the room was a large dirty Queen-sized bed. Two men were asleep together. Both of them shirtless. Cuddled up into the sheets together – Eric and Alan were both sound asleep. Alan was cuddling into Eric's back, wrapping his arms around him from behind. While Eric had at least a pair of boxers on, Alan was completely nude – and his curly hair was shaved off. He pulled Eric closer to his fat body. Eric smiled in his sleep – letting out a deep chuckle as he began to wake up. Thinking that Alan was Paige, Eric turned around and unknowingly pushed his lips against unfamiliar ones. The handsome man frowned after breaking the kiss.

"Paige, baby." His voice sounded husky and deep from sleep. "When did you grow a beard?" His eyes finally snapped open – only to find that it wasn't Paige who he was sleeping next to. Instead – it was that bearded fat fuck whose name was Alan. Alan, himself, woke up and flashed him a shy smile towards the shocked man.

"Morning, Eric."

"AAAHHHH!" Was Eric's only response as he quickly scrambled away from the naked man, only to fall on his ass from the bed. He stared at the bearded man with wide eyes. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MAN?!"

"What's wrong, Eric?" asked Alan innocently as he pulled the covers to his chest. Eric wanted to puke – he wanted to shoot himself in the head. It was already bad that he was receiving a migraine. Eric moaned in agony, clutching his head from all the screaming. He shakily stood up to his feet and looked around the disgusting motel room, his eyes eventually landing on the couple that was sleeping on the couch comfortably a few feet away – his girlfriend and that one asshole known as Phil. She was wearing a sexy black corset set and bunny ears while Phil's shirt was open but at least he had some pants on. Anger boiled through his body as he let out a strangled growl and without even thinking about it – smashed his fist through the thin wall. The sudden noise startled Paige – she fell off the couch and immediately opened her tired eyes. As soon as she sat up; her head started to hurt badly; she clutched and caressed, moaning softly in pain.

"Eric." She said softly while clutching her throbbing head. "Stop punching walls again. You know that I find that really annoying."

"Shut the fuck up, Paige!" Eric screamed angrily at her before stomping over and suddenly grabbed a sleeping Phil by his shirt. This action startled Phil awake but before he could comprehend anything, he was yanked up from the couch and punched so hard in the face – he fell down to a heap on the floor. Paige gasped in shock and glared at a fuming Eric before checking to see if Phil was all right.

"What the hell?" Phil mumbled in obvious pain as Paige struggled to flip him over onto his back to inspect the bruise that was forming on his beautiful eye. _Seriously, what the fuck?_ Phil asked in his head as his vision danced around in his eyes; because his eyes were so blurry, the only thing he saw in front of him was Paige. And did she look beautiful; she looked like a worried angel in his eyes. Except there was one strange thing that was different about her – her hair.

"Paige?" asked Phil as he struggled to keep his heavy eyes open. Paige sighed in relief – she thought Phil had amnesia for a brief moment, considering how hard Eric punched him.

"Oh – Jesus Christ, Phil! You scared me!" her laugh was breathless as she smiled in relief down at the handsome man before directing her angry gaze towards her boyfriend who was staring at the two like he wanted to kill them. "What's wrong with you, Eric?" she shakily stood up from the floor as she glared daggers at her boyfriend. He returned the same look to her.

"What's wrong with _me_?" he sarcastically asked her. "What the fuck is wrong with you? The fuck are you doing sleeping with that piece of shit?" he pointed to a delirious Phil that was writhing in pain on the floor. Paige only looked at him in anger and confusion.

"What are you talking about? I wasn't sleeping with him! You're absurd if you think that's what happened – wait . . . that's funny . . ." Paige thought out-loud before saying out in complete horror. "Oh my God, what happened last night?" she asked in fear.

"I don't know; you tell me." Was Eric's only cold response. Paige only shook her head. Truthfully, she had no fucking clue what happened the night before. "I wake up and I get fondled and kissed by that naked fat fuck!" he points to a confused Alan in bed. "I'm in a fucking pigsty shitty room in God knows where. And next thing I know; I find my now red-headed girlfriend sleeping with another guy!"

"Wait . . . red-headed girlfriend, what?" she looked down at her hair and picked it up with her shaky fingers and gasped in surprise. "Oh . . . my . . . God . . ." Her once beautiful brown-colored hair was dyed into a dark red color. "M-my hair . . . holy . . ." She quickly ran across the room and observed her appearance in the rusty mirror in the gross bathroom. "Oh God . . . my hair! It's . . . its red! Oh God, I hate the color red!" she cried out, fingering her dyed hair. She looked like she wanted to cry. Exiting the bathroom – Paige went back into the main room, still grasping her hair as if it was going to fall of her head. "I can't believe this – wait, where's Connie and Jamie?" As if God heard, a female figure fell off the bunk-bed from the side of the room. A pained groan erupted from her mouth. Paige sighed as she approached the dark-haired figure that was at least wearing some clothes. "Jamie, come on, wake up!" As Paige went to wake Jamie up, Phil struggled to his feet and stumbled over to the window – trying to see where the fuck they were. Wherever they were, it was bright outside; to shield his tired eyes from the bright sun, he put his sunglasses on. Paige approached Jamie who was lying face-first on the floor. She flipped over Jamie – only one thing – it wasn't Jamie.

"Connie!" was Paige's stunned response. "Oh my God – you're hair! It's normal – for once!" Bright blue hair was replaced with dark brown hair. Wow. The girls somehow ended up persuading Connie to dye her hair to a normal color. Connie strained to open her blue eyes.

"The hell are you talking about, Paige?" was Connie's sleepy response. She was not in the mood for questioning – her head ached so badly she could kill someone.

"Connie! Your hair!" Paige kept repeating in shock. "It's brown! Connie! I repeat; your hair is brown!"

"Bitch, what are you talking about?" Connie mumbled annoyed as she struggled to sit up. She opened her blue eyes and looked over Paige with a confused frown. "Why are you dressed as a playboy bunny?" she asked as she tapped Paige's bunny ears on her head. "And why is your hair red?"

"I don't know." Paige snapped back frustrated. "I can't remember anything from last night. It's all a strange blur." Connie suddenly widened her eyes in horror.

"Wait – did you say my hair is—"

Before Connie finished her sentence – she shot up from the floor to see her appearance in the mirror. "WHAT THE F— hey I actually look good with brown hair!" Connie examined herself in the mirror, playing with her brown hair. Her hair actually looked good on her – way better than the pink or blue hair that she had.

While Paige was complaining about her hair and Connie was complimenting how good her hair looked – Phil stared out the window, trying to figure out where they were. His eye still ached from where that asshole punched him – and he would've returned the punch but he was in so much pain at the moment, he didn't give a fuck anymore. Eric approached him.

"Where the fuck are we?" asked Eric, angrily. Phil only shrugged.

"Does it look like I fucking know? Chill your tits, man." Phil calmly told the raven-haired man who in return, only sneered hatefully before going to sit down on the couch. Alan got up from the bed and advanced towards Phil, wrapping a sheet around his waist to hide his shaft.

"Phil." Alan gasped out, his eyes bloodshot red. "I think it happened again."

"Alan." Phil turned towards him wearily. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. I swear to God."

"Your hair is gone." Phil observed absentmindedly. Alan immediately rubbed his beard as Phil shook his head. "No. No. Up." Phil gestured with his finger. Alan felt his head and began to chuckle weirdly seeing that it was indeed shaved off. Phil looked around his surroundings in the nasty room. "Where the fuck are we?"

"That's what I would like to know." Paige commented as she crossed the room, standing in front of Phil and Alan. Connie approached, as well. And grimaced at the sight of a naked Alan with a sheet wrapped around him.

"Alan. Please. Put some clothes on." At that moment – the power suddenly went out. Connie and Paige stepped closer together while Alan clung to Phil's arm – all of them briefly scared of where they were.

"Phil, I'm scared." Alan told him. Connie fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"Give me a fucking break." They all heard Eric mutter annoyed. Everyone turned to glare at him before Paige realized something.

"Wait – where's Jamie?"

Suddenly, the couch started shifting a bit, all by itself. Eric who was sitting on the couch, looked down at it confused for a moment. Before it started to shake a little – he jumped off from the couch, cursing, "What the fuck?" The couch was violently shaking. Then they heard muffled screaming coming from inside the couch.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHY DO I SMELL CAT LITTER?! WHAT DA FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? PAIGE, CONNIE, WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE, I'M GONNA HAVE YOU FOR BREAKFAST! BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE FUCKING TOAST!"

"Is that Jamie?" asked Connie confused.

"I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING FISH!"

"Yep. That's Jamie." Paige announced.

"How the fuck did she get in the couch?" asked Eric thoroughly confused.

"Who the fuck cares how she got in there!" snapped Connie.

"Let's just focus on getting her out!" added Paige.

"Fuck that. We should just leave her." Phil said with a careless shrug.

"No." Paige snapped at him.

"Fuck you, Phil." Connie added before the two girls – along with the help with Alan – pulled the couch apart. It turned out to be a pull-out couch. They took off the cushions and pulled out the bed that Jamie was trapped in. Unwinding the bed down – Jamie scrambled from the bed and fell to the floor. Everyone widened their eyes in shock.

"Holy shit . . ." Connie mumbled.

"The hell, you guys?" Jamie complained. She was only wearing her shorts from last night and her swimsuit bra with a white cardigan. "I wake up and I'm stuck inside a fuckin' couch?! The fuck is wrong with you idiots?!" Nobody responded anything – which scared Jamie a bit. "What are you looking at?" Jamie gasped when she noticed her best friends' hair. "Paige – holy shit! Your hair! You look like Black Widow from the Avengers. And Connie – holy fuck! Your hair is normal!" Both Connie and Paige were still staring at Jamie in shock. "What's wrong? You guys are acting weird – hey! A Spongebob piñata!" Jamie smiled as she held up the broken piñata.

"Jamie." Paige stated.

"Here." Jamie raised her hand as if she were in a classroom. Paige only rolled her eyes.

"You're blonde." Connie finally revealed. Jamie only scoffed sarcastically.

"Guys – I know I may be dumb but I'm not stupid."

"No. Jamie." Paige started.

"You're blonde. Literally." Connie finished. The smile on Jamie's face slowly disappeared.

"What?" she dropped the piñata and instantly raced to the nearest bathroom. "AAAHHHHHH!" Everyone flinched as they heard Jamie scream in horror. Paige and Connie ran to the bathroom followed by Alan, Phil, and Eric. "My hair! It's blonde! I look like a Barbie doll! Oh my God! This cannot be happening! I have blonde hair! I'm getting married tomorrow!" Jamie wailed as everyone only shared a look.

"I like it." Alan mumbled. Jamie turned on him – murder written in her eyes.

"Tomorrow!" She screamed in his face. "My fuckin' wedding is tomorrow! What the fuck did you do?!"

"Jamie – calm the fuck down." Phil defended Alan. "He swore to God. Look – let's just all calm down and try to figure out where we are before we all go ape-shit! Where's Stu?"

A moan was heard from behind them. They all turned around to find Stu huddled up into the bathtub. And he was cuddling and making out with a – pig?! "Oh, Jamie…" he lowly mumbled as the little pink baby pig licked and kissed him. "That feels so good. Could you go a bit lower?"

"Ew." Paige grimaced.

"Yuck." Connie added.

"Can't believe my future husband is cheating on me with a pig." Jamie commented.

"Ooh. Look at the little piggy!" Alan giggled.

"Looking at that pig makes me so hungry." Eric said.

"Okay. This is fuckin' weird. Stu. Wake up. We got a situation." Phil clapped his hands together – making Stu flinch and the baby pig squeal in surprise. Stu instantly woke up and shrieked like a girl as the pig jumped out of his arms and jumped out of the tub as Stu stared at the animal in shock. Alan instantly ran after the little piggy. Everyone jumped in surprise at Stu. There was a tattoo on his face – that resembled much like Mike Tyson's. Everyone placed a hand over their mouth at the stupid-looking tattoo. Shit. Stu was going to freak – this was much worse than him losing a tooth in Vegas.

"Oh my God…" Stu mumbled in disgust as he tried to sit up in the dirty tub. "I was making out with a pig?"

"Yep." Connie said – as if that would help.

"Dude, you're sick." Phil said to Stu as he grimaced in evident disgust for making out with a pig. Stu only ignored that comment as he once again tried to sit up in the bathtub but kept slipping because of his weakened state.

"Jamie – babe – I swear. I wasn't making out with a pig." Stu immediately said as he turned to face her but instantly jumped in shock and surprise when he noticed her blonde hair. "Sweetheart – oh my God – your hair!"

"Dude, your face," Jamie responded back, trying not to laugh at the stupid tattoo on his face. Stu apparently didn't hear her comment as he noticed everyone else and visibly gasped in shock.

"Alan, your head!" Stu grabbed his glasses from nowhere and put them on to get a better look at everyone. Alan frowned at him who was holding the squealing baby pig.

"No, your head." Alan corrected him. Stu looked at Paige and Connie and dropped his jaw.

"He's bald. And Paige – holy shit – your hair's red! Connie – your hair's normal, for once!"

"Yeah – I unfortunately figured that out a few minutes ago." Paige said stiffly.

"Hey – at least you look good in red hair! Obviously you have good taste in hair colors when you're drunk – unlike me." Jamie mumbled angrily, fingering her blonde hair.

"You know what I just thought of?" Connie spoke up. "We're the redhead, brunette, and blonde trio now!"

"Oh God – now I'm the stereotypical dumb blonde. That's just great." Jamie said sarcastically.

"Where are we?" asked Stu confused as he finally looked at his surroundings.

"Stu." Phil said calmly as possible – not wanting to freak him out. "You're gonna freak out – but everything's gonna be okay."

"Why?" asked Stu slightly worried. "What – is it my teeth?"

"Your teeth is okay, Stu." Connie said humorously. "You have natural horse teeth so it's cool." Paige and Jamie snickered at her comment.

"No, it's not your teeth." Phil said for him. Stu started to get up out of the tub.

"Are you sure?" asked Stu before stepping up to Jamie. "Did you check the bottom?" he asked, shoving his lower cavities into her face. Jamie made a face and waved her hand.

"Dude. Brush your teeth. Your breath smells like ass." Stu only rolled his eyes at her unnecessary comment before brushing past her to look in the mirror and only jumped in shock from seeing the tattoo on his face.

"Oh my God!" he gasped out. Everyone gathered around him. He began to touch it to see if it was real. "What the fuck – Ow!" He tried to wash it off making Eric, Phil, Alan, Paige, Connie, and Jamie snicker.

"That's good." Eric said sarcastically.

"Yeah. Why don't you just wash it off?" added Phil, snickering, causing the girls to laugh even harder. Stu glared at them all through the mirror. He didn't find anything funny about this.

"It's not coming off," Stu complained, as he continued to try and rub the tattoo off of his face. "This is a real tattoo?!"

"No shit – it's a real tattoo!" Connie said annoyed. Stu immediately spun to Alan with murder in his eyes.

"Alan, what did you do?" he asked furiously. "Did you roofie me?"

"I didn't do anything." Alan protested.

"You sure about that?" asked Paige, narrowing her eyes at the fat bald man.

"I swear on Justin Bieber's talented soul." Alan swore.

"Stu," Phil said. "He swore to God."

"What happened?" asked Stu. Suddenly, a monkey wearing a jean jacket and pants jumped onto Stu's back. They all began freaking out. The little baby pig Alan was holding squealed in alarm and jumped out of his arms. Paige backed up into Phil and Eric while Jamie and Connie held each other as Stu spun around in circles – desperately trying to get the monkey off of him. Finally – the monkey jumped up from his back and onto a water pipe.

"What the hell?" Stu freaked out as he jumped into Jamie's arms like a coward – like something out of a Scooby Doo cartoon. Jamie rolled her eyes before dropping him. Stu muttered an "ow" as he rubbed his back and giving her a look.

"Oh, it's a monkey. Oh look at the cute little vest," Alan gasped, "Hi little monkey." Alan then tried to reach for the small creature, only for it to slap his hands away.

"Don't be discouraged, Alan. The monkey is an asshole." Connie patted his back as he pouted. That was when someone's cell phone began to ring. Everyone exchanged looks before they all quickly searched for the phone except Alan who was searching for the baby pig that ran away from him. Phil found the ringing phone first.

"I found it!" He called out before answering it. "God, Doug – where are you?"

Jamie sighed as she leaned against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. Soon, Stu followed and sat down next to her. He muttered in confusion, "Where are we?"

"I wish I knew." She responded weakly, still fingering her blonde hair. "God – I look like a blonde Kristen Stewart."

"Nah – you're so much hotter than her." Stu said. Jamie smiled and playfully punched his shoulder.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you." She good-humoredly replied.

"Hey, guys," Alan called them. Connie, Paige, Eric, Stu, and Jamie all looked at him. Alan gestured for them to come over where he was sitting in front of a mess of cluttered blankets.

"Check this out." Alan said. "You ever see anything like this?" Everyone gathered around him to take a closer look.

"What the fuck is that?" asked Eric, a repulsed scowl on his face.

"Kind of looks like my ex-boyfriend's dick." Connie commented. Everyone made a face.

"Too much information." Paige told her – trying not to throw up at the thought.

"Seriously – what the hell is it?" asked Jamie as she hesitantly reached out to touch it. Alan instantly stopped her.

"Careful." He warned. "It might be a spider's nest. I've tangled up in one of those before."

"Connie – what the hell is the matter with you?" Jamie asked her best friend. Seriously – Connie has the weirdest choice in men.

"Everything is the matter with me." Connie replied dismissively.

"Uh – we got a little bit of a problem." Phil said after hanging up with Doug and entering the room everyone was in. "What is that?" He finally saw what everyone was looking down at.

"We don't know." Stu answered for him.

"Is that a worm?" Phil asked, taking a closer look at it.

"Ew. That's gross." Paige shuddered.

"It's a mushroom." Alan answered – pulling on it a bit and then sticking his fingers in his mouth. The girls looked at him and all gagged, about ready to puke.

"Okay, Connie – there is seriously something wrong with you if you kiss or make out with him." Paige said, gagging.

"Yeah, shitake." Alan completely ignored them. The monkey then came waddling over and stood up on the pile of the blankets. "Monkey, taste it." Alan ordered him. Jamie gave him a weird look. "What do you think? Is it shitake?"

"He can't fucking understand you, man." Eric said in annoyance. "Stupid fuck."

"Hey – back the fuck off! Be nice to Alan!" Phil stood up for Alan before he turned to the bearded man himself. "Alan, I'm sorry but I don't think he'll understand you." A second later, the monkey grinned and bent down to lick the little thing that was sticking out of the blankets.

"He just did." Stu said shocked. The monkey chattered at them and then began to pull on it.

"This is so weird." Jamie commented.

"Why is he pulling on it?" Stu asked confused.

"He's probably hungry." Alan offered.

"Wait a second –" Phil said, taking a closer look. "Is that…?" As an answer to his question, the monkey grinned and slapped the thing before he slapped it. Instantly, the blankets moved frantically, causing everyone to scream and back away in alarm.

"What the fuck, man?" Said an all-too familiar voice from under the blankets. To everyone's utter shock, Chow appeared from under the blankets. "Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!"

"Pancake Face?" Jamie shouted in shock and anger. Chow instantly recognized her and laughed causing her anger to spike up even more.

"Oh, look-e here, it's _Jaaamieee_." Chow mocked her name again. "It's been too long."

"Not long enough."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I just realized that I've never done one of these from my other story so might as well for this one! I do not, I repeat, do not own The Hangover! Only the goofy characters I create in my head!

**A/N: Aww, I'm so glad that you like this story so much. I hope you continue to like it. Now, I give you the sixth chapter to Wild Ones! I felt bad for leaving you guys hanging on the last chapter so I decided to post the next chapter super soon :) Can't wait to hear what you guys think!**

**A huge thank you to **_SecretWonderland96_, _Outsidel0okingin_, _seasidewriter1_, _ 18_, _Ryan1441_, _JasmineChyanne_, _TooLazyToLogin_, **and **_Mandalore the freedom _**for your amazing reviews :) That's 8 reviews, guys! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it guys so thank you!**

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 6_

"What the fuck, man?" Said an all-too familiar voice from under the blankets. To everyone's utter shock, Chow appeared from under the blankets. "Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!"

"Pancake Face?" Jamie shouted in shock and anger. Chow instantly recognized her and laughed causing her anger to spike up even more.

"Oh, look-e here, it's _Jaaamieee_." Chow mocked her name again. "It's been too long."

"Not long enough."

Chow laughed at her – obnoxiously and loud. Jamie wanted to punch him. Clearly – she was not in the mood. And to make matters worse – she had a hangover the size of fucking Vegas. The last thing she needed was Chow's annoying laughter echoing in her ears.

"Oh, _Jamie_. Babe." Chow continued his unnerving chuckling, still cuddling into his sack of blankets. "You too funny. That what turn me on 'bout you." He let out a perverted, sinister giggle. Jamie had enough as she finally snapped and tackled Chow to the floor – trying to suffocate him by digging her fingers into his thick throat.

"_Die_, you crazy cum-guzzling Asian cocksucker!" Jamie spat out as she tried to crush his windpipe but Chow only laughed some more as if this was the funniest thing ever. Phil immediately tried to pull Jamie off of Chow but she only resisted. Finally, with the help of Stu, they both succeeded into pulling a psychotic version of Jamie off from Chow. "Let me go!" she howled in rage at the two men trying to hold her back. "I'll kill him! I'll kill that son-of-a-bitch!"

"Jamie – let it go!" Stu ordered her softly, somewhat calming her down as her frantic struggling ceased. Both Phil and Stu released their grip on her when she officially calmed down but they kept their guard up just in case if Jamie went attack-mode on Chow again.

"Good girl." Paige patted an irritable Jamie on the head. Jamie huffed angrily in response. Chow continued his obnoxious laugh once more – making everyone look at him.

"You fuckers crazy!" he exclaimed happily, looking perfectly fine as if Jamie hadn't attacked him at all. Then, he stood up – making everyone turn away in obvious disgust. He wasn't wearing anything but a speedo – and it wasn't even pulled all the way up. Alan smiled at him.

"Ahh," Chow complained, covering his eyes. "It's so fucking bright in here. Alan, grab me my sunglasses."

"It's great to see you, Leslie." Alan greeted before giving him a hug – not bothered by the fact that Chow wasn't wearing any clothes.

"It is?" asked Connie, a bit irritably. How was seeing Chow a great thing?

"Nice to see you too, my little hobo." Chow responded.

"Chow." Paige said. "What are you doing here?"

From hearing this, Eric spun to face her, anger clearly written all over his handsome features. "You _know_ this guy?"

"Unfortunately." Paige answered with a grimace.

"Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to wedding." Chow countered with Paige's question as Alan placed his sunglasses on for him and Chow himself thankfully pulled his pants up – much to everyone's relief.

"Excuse me?" asked Stu in disbelief, rounding onto Alan with a glare on his face.

"You did _what_, Alan?" Connie turned to Alan, murder written in her eyes. Alan only shot her an innocent look.

"_Jaaamieee_. Baby. How rude of you not to invite poor Mr. Chow to your gay-as-fuck wedding." Chow said, laughing at Stu. He then shot her a wicked smirk which made Jamie want to slap it off.

"And there's a reason for that." Jamie spat out before shooting Alan a murderous glance. After all, it was his fault for calling Chow.

Chow laughed again. "You too funny. Babe. Instead of marrying that tight-ass over there. You and I, we marry so we can make fuck-fuck." Chow smirked at Jamie. This infuriated Stu to where he finally snapped.

"Okay, that's it." Surprisingly, Stu tackled Chow to the floor. Immediately – Phil and Jamie tried to get an angrier-than-usual Stu off of Chow. Unexpectedly – Stu landed a punch on Chow's face.

"Ow – _mothafucka_." Chow said in pain while laughing as he clutched his cheek where Stu punched him. "It okay, Stuart. Poor Mr. Chow just kidding. Geez – don't get panties in a twist. _Hehe_." Chow tapped Stu on his ass – instantly making him attack Chow again as Phil and Jamie struggled to get the bigger man off from Chow.

"Stu, Stu." Phil repeated over and over – but Stu ignored him as he clutched Chow by the throat.

"I will fucking _kill_ you if you ever do anything to her." Stu screamed out in anger in Chow's face. Chow's expression remained impassive, no emotion whatsoever.

"Stu, babe. It's okay. C'mon. Like you told me – it's not worth it." Jamie said softly, grabbing his arm. Stu's grip on Chow slowly decreased. Jamie continued, "C'mon. Please. For me?" This seemed to work as Stu finally ceased his grip on Chow before reluctantly getting up, letting out a sigh as he did. "Thank you." She thanked but Stu only ignored her and went to the other side of the room – obviously angered by Chow's presence alone.

"Okay, guys. C'mon. We have to focus here." Phil told them all, having enough of this continuous fighting and arguing over Chow. "Okay, Chow. What happened last night?" he finally got to the million dollar question. Chow laughed and quickly got up from the floor as if he didn't just get punched in the face.

"You guys texted me." He answered as if it was no big deal. Said you fucked up and looking to party." He laughed, making Alan join him. Everyone looked at the laughing pair in annoyance. "I picked you up in my boat and brought you here to Bangkok and we had a sick night, bitches." Grabbing a silk robe, Chow took a seat on the lumpy couch in the living room while everyone surrounded him.

"Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait a second, Chow!" Phil interrupted once more, sitting on the couch beside him. "Chow, we're in Bangkok?"

"_Holla_. City of Squalla." Chow laughed some more.

"Holy shit – shut the fuck up, man. Giving me a fucking migraine right now." Eric complained, rubbing his temples.

"Aww. _Poor baby_." Jamie mockingly said before saying in a serious voice. "Suck it up. Quit acting like a pussy." In response, Eric only glared murderously at her.

"Oh, you guys too much fun last night, I swear." Said Chow. "Best bitches I met who like to party hard. Especially you, Paige, girl. You a blast. Btw, you look good with red hair. Makes you look hotter. I dig that."

"Uhmm… thanks. I guess." Paige mumbled, still fingering her red hair.

"Ooh. I just remember." Chow brightened up. "Alan – go fetch me that DVD over there, my little fat-ass."

"Sure thing, Mr. Chow." Obediently, Alan fetched the DVD that Chow was talking about and placed the disk in the DVD player that hooked up to the surprisingly modern HD TV that was hanging sideways on the shitty wall. "Check this out, bitches." Chow grabbed the remote control from the glass coffee-table and pressed play. Instantly – a video was playing on the TV.

"Oh God – I can't watch." Paige mumbled embarrassed as Phil only looked at her with a smirk on his face. She was too cute sometimes.

"_Paige, stop making out with Harry Styles. He's too young for you, ya perv." _Drunk Jamie said on the video. Whoever was filming the video was obviously drunk out of their minds. The camera quality was shitty and shaky. In the video, Paige was shown sloppily making out with a huge cardboard cut-out of Harry Styles from _One Direction_. Everyone was shown laughing and drinking in the video.

"_Hey, Paige. My little Hooter. Why don't ya come over and blow Mr. Chow's dick_." Drunk Chow laughed on the screen. "_I'll give you a tootsie roll if you suck my little dick_."

"_Okay_!" Was Drunk Paige's enthusiastic response.

Drunk Phil immediately stepped into action as he grabbed her by the waist and drunkenly said into her ear. "_You're not sucking anyone's dick until I get my turn_."

"_You're such a horn-dog_." Drunk Paige giggled.

"_You know it_." Was Drunk Phil's sloppy response before he spun her around and they both instantly kissed each other earning obnoxious hoots and hollers from their drunk audience except Eric who instantly pried them apart and punched Phil in the face – knocking him out.

"Why am I such a whore when I'm drunk?" asked Paige, her cheeks turning red.

Eric smirked at the video. "I like myself when I'm drunk."

"Who the fuck filmed this?" asked Jamie. "The video quality sucks. They should be fired."

In the video, the next clip showed Jamie, Paige, and Connie as they were all doing the cinnamon challenge.

"_Okay, 1, 2, 3_…" It sounded like Phil was behind the camera and filming the three girls. After he counted, the three girls stuffed mouthfuls of cinnamon into their mouths.

"_Hey, I don't know what people are bitching about. This stuff's not that _–"Jamie didn't finish her sentence as she instantly coughed out cinnamon into a cloud. Soon, Connie followed after her and they were both coughing at cinnamon clouds while Paige was calmly chewing and eating her cinnamon like it wasn't effecting her. Phil, Stu, Alan, Chow, Teddy, and Eric were laughing at them as the two girls coughed and Paige was winning.

"What is the point to this video?" asked Connie.

"No point. It just funny. We like to do fucked-up shit when we fucked-up." Chow said, laughing before turning off the stupid random video.

"Obviously." Paige said annoyed. "Look what I did. I fucked up my hair."

"Oh _God_, Paige…" Jamie said annoyed.

"It's not that bad." Connie reasoned.

"You look good with red hair." Stu tried.

"Babe. You the shit with red hair." Chow laughed.

"You look cute with red hair." Alan smiled.

"You look hot with red hair." Eric smirked at her.

"You look _beautiful_ with red hair." Phil gently said towards her. This made Paige's cheeks grow hot as she looked at Phil before purposely turning away, not wanting to cause any trouble between Phil and Eric again.

"Wait, Chow." Stu spoke up, grabbing the Asian man's attention. "Do you know how I got this tattoo?" asked Stu, pointing to the ugly tattoo on his face.

"Do you know how I got blonde hair?" Jamie added as she grabbed it with a grimace. Chow laughed at the both of them.

"Uh, from the fucking tattoo guy. C'mon, Stewie, use that big Jewish brain. Jamie, c'mon babe. Be smart. BFF Connie here helped out in dying your hair." Jamie glared at Connie.

"Hey – don't look at me. I was wasted. I'm innocent."

"Hey." Alan interrupted, pointing at the monkey. "What's the monkey holding?"

Paige gasped out in horror when she realized what the monkey was holding and nibbling at.

"Ew. What the fuck?!" Jamie cursed out when she noticed the monkey nibbling on a severed finger.

"That's a finger!" Stu gasped out, looking close to hysterics.

"No _fucking_ shit. Dr. Ass-head." Eric snarled at him.

"Shut the fuck up, man." Phil snapped at him before turning to a hysterical Stu. "Stu. I have some bad news. Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger."

"What?" Jamie blurted out in horror.

"Holy shit…" Connie whispered out in realization.

"Teddy… oh my God…" Paige mumbled out, looking like she was going to faint.

"Teddy… Teddy's _dead_?" Stu stammered in fear.

Chow began to laugh. Everyone looked at him. "Teddy not dead. He partied with us all night."

"Well then. Where is he?" asked Phil.

"Don't you remember anything?" Chow asked.

"What the fuck do you think, Pancake Face?" Jamie shouted at him angrily.

"No!" Stu yelled out hysterically.

"No." Phil answered calmly. "Nothing. Chow."

"Oh, okay, I explain it all, okay." Chow replied. "Just let me do one bump, get my head straight."

"Are you serious right now?" Paige asked, looking at him like he was crazy. Ignoring her, he began to pour some cocaine onto his wrist to snort as the group quietly watched.

"Come to papa," Chow muttered. He snorted all of it before turning to the group after stripping off his sunglasses. "You ready for craziest fucking story of-" He stopped and began to twitch slightly. The group watched silently waiting for him to finish his sentence. Suddenly – he fell forward onto the glass coffee-table, cracking it under his weight.

"Uh…" Connie mumbled worriedly.

"Hey, Pancake Face. Wake the fuck up. This is no time for nap. We want to know what happened last night." She shook his shoulder impatiently. "Dipshit. Wake up! C'mon! Wake up or I'll cut a fucking hole in your nonexistent scrotum, stick an M80 in there, and blow your genitals off and I will make you _enjoy_ it!" she threatened. When he didn't wake up, she muttered. "Eh. You're no fun."

"Chow." Phil called, taping him lightly on the back.

"Hey, Chow, are you okay?" Alan asked. Phil began to shove him lightly, hoping that the movement would make him wake but it didn't.

"The fuck is wrong with him?" Eric asked, looking confused.

"You got to be kidding me." Phil muttered before checking his pulse to see if there was one. There wasn't. "Fuck. He's dead." Phil got up and began to pace around the room.

"Oh my God!" Paige began to freak out.

Everyone instantly began to freak out but Stu was the worst as he kept screaming and continuing to tell everyone to call an ambulance.

"Shut the fuck up!" Eric growled out in annoyance.

"Look, Stu. He's dead." Phil said. "Girls, everyone calm down. Look if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives in a fucking Thai prison and I won't be able to get us out of it. Alan, please stop crying. We just need to figure this out." Phil finished before taking a seat and thinking.

_Ice Machine Located on the 15th Floor._

Paige opened the hotel room door. She looked both ways to make sure that no one was coming, and then continued to walk out the door followed by Jamie (who was holding the baby pig) and Connie, once she made sure that the coast was clear. Behind them walked Phil and Stu and Eric, carrying Chow's body wrapped in the sheet from the Queen sized bed. Alan brought up the rear and made sure that no was coming after they left.

"This is the worst idea ever." Paige mumbled as they walked down the hall.

"_Spider-pig. Spider-pig_." Jamie softly sang out as she held the pig in the air while walking. "_Does whatever a spider-pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out, he is a spider-pig_."

"Shut up!" Paige snapped at her.

"Rude." Jamie commented.

"What the fuck is this place?" Phil asked, as they continued to walk down the hall towards the elevator that could take them to the 15th floor.

"Bangkok is the capital of Thailand." Alan read one of the cards he had dinner the previous night. "It's population is twelve million people."

"Alan, put the cards away and help." Stu snapped. Alan pocketed the cards and made sure to keep an eye out for anyone coming. The group slowly walked towards the elevator. The monkey slowly chattering his way to the elevator behind them.

"Elevator." Stu gasped. Alan was now helping Phil and Eric and Stu carry the body, while the girls led them down the hall. Chow's body was getting heavier and heavier as they went along.

"I'll get the button, I'll get the button." Connie said, as they struggled to keep the body up. The monkey finally caught up him. The small primate jumped on top of Chow's covered body and then onto Phil's shoulder.

"What the fuck is the deal with this fucking monkey?" Phil said annoyed. Connie slammed on to the up key a few more times.

"That monkey gets it." Alan joked. Paige looked at him and then looked at Phil, barely containing the urge to laugh and roll her eyes at the same time.

"Come on," Stu groaned as he watched the dial on the elevator.

"Oh, man up, you pussy." Jamie chuckled at him.

"You fucking carry him then." Stu snapped at her.

"No, thanks. I'm good." She replied.

"Well, that's just _great_. The power's out. We're going to have to take the stairs." Connie told them all.

"Oh fuck," Stu groaned. The men backed themselves back into the hall, so they could take the stairs. The men all groaned out as they finally made it to the fifteenth floor.

"Here it is." Paige said, as she and the girls climbed up the stairs in front of the four men and the monkey. All four looked ready to collapse from carrying Chow's dead body up ten flights of stairs. The four men directed the covered body towards the ice box.

Before they opened it up and was about to stuff his body before Jamie said, "Wait. Shouldn't we check his wallet or something?"

"Why?" Stu wheezed out as they held onto the body before all of them just dropped it on the ground.

"Shit. Yeah. He might have some money." Phil realized.

"We already practically committed murder. Might as well rob his ass." Jamie said with a smile. "Hehe. Mr. Chow. Consider this pay-back." Jamie chuckled evilly.

"Good idea." Eric said. "I'll take his credit cards."

"I'll take his cash." Phil said, grabbing his wallet.

"I'll take his jewelry." Jamie said. Paige immediately gripped Jamie's arm.

"Whoa, hold up. This isn't right." Paige objected before noticing something and saying, "Ooh. I want his necklace."

"I'll take his underwear." Alan said.

Everyone ended up stripping Chow nude – his clothing, his jewelry, his cash, his credit cards, everything. Then they wrapped his lifeless body back into the sheet again and once again, began to stuff his ass into the ice machine. "Feet first," Alan instructed, causing Connie to look him completely confused on how he would know that, "I've done this before." Connie just shook her head. The less she knew, the less she would feel the need to report when they got back states side. The four men stuffed Chow's body into the ice box, as the girls watched. Phil and Alan shut the ice box doors, leaning against it as they locked it. Paige and Connie sat down next to them against the ice chest while Stu and Eric were on the other side with Jamie sliding in between them. The men were out of breath.

"Stu." Phil gasped.

"What?"

"We still have to find Teddy." Jamie finished for Phil.

"Oh God." Stu gasped. It was then that Stu looked up at his companions and said the one place that had just crossed his mind.

"The roof."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hangover" or its characters. Now, my OC's I do own, so please don't be a dick and take them from me.

**Huge thank you to **_ClarityJones43, nannygirl, SecretWonderland96, seasidewriter1, Mandalore the freedom, Outsidel0okingin, Ryan1441, _**and **_bellapg18 _**Everyone Thank you so much for reviewing! It's really cool to be able to hear your thoughts and get to chat personally with you guys!**

_**I really don't have much to say for an author's note but nonetheless, I hope you do enjoy the chapter. It's a little shorter than the other chapters but I've been really busy lately so at least it's something rather than no update! Please remember to leave your thoughts about the chapter :)**_

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 7_

Immediately, everyone ran up to the roof. Except Eric who casually took his time to get up to the roof – not really giving a fuck where Teddy was. Phil quickly pushed the heavy door open and sprinted into the bright hot sunlit rooftop. Everyone followed after him.

"Teddy?!"

Everyone shouted and chorused his name over and over again. When they all realized he wasn't up there on the roof – they all sighed in defeat.

"He's not here." Stu said discouragingly, as he looked out into the chaotic city of Bangkok. Paige frowned, clearly upset.

"I can't _believe_ this is happening again!" Paige exclaimed, running a frustrated hand through her fiery red hair.

"Damn it, Phil!" Jamie shouted angrily, walking towards the taller man and pointing a finger at him. "This is all your fault!"

"What?" Phil cried out in exasperation. "Are you fucking kidding me? How is any of this _my_ fault?"

"Everything's your fault!" Jamie yelled. "Starting with that stupid bon fire party on the beach that you just _had_ to have!"

"Which you agreed to." Phil reminded her.

"Hey!" Paige stopped the two adults from fighting. Jamie looked at her with annoyance and Phil looked at her with exasperation. "Stop fighting for once! It's nobody's fault here! Now – let's just all calm down."

"Yeah." Phil agreed. "Listen to Paige for once, Jamie."

He wrapped an arm around her but Paige only said snippily, "Please remove your arm from my shoulder." Phil sighed but removed it anyways.

"You're no fun when you're sober." He said as Paige gave him a look as if to say "_really_?" Jamie rolled her eyes at the two before turning around to go stand by Stu who was staring out into the city looking lost with himself.

Suddenly, something was buzzing in Connie's pocket. She narrowed her eyes and realized she still had her cell phone in her pocket. She hysterically told everyone to _shut the fuck up_ as she hastily answered the phone.

"_Connie? What the hell? Where are you guys? I thought we were gonna go down to the pool and tan_?" It turned out to be Zoey. Connie sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank God. You're alive." Connie answered. Everyone looked at her in confusion. "It's Zoey. She's okay."

"Is Teddy back there at the resort?" Stu instantly asked her.

"Do you have any idea if Teddy is there at the resort?" Connie asked Stu's question.

"_Um, no. I haven't seen him since last night. I thought he went out with you guys down to the beach last night. What's going on? Where are you_?"

Connie hesitated but answered, "Umm… about that… I think we're in Bangkok right now."

"_What? What the hell are you doing in Bangkok? And where's my little brother? Connie Anne Miller, you better tell me what's going on right now or so help me God, I will_—"

"You'll what?" Connie scoffed but there was no answer. "Hello?" She checked her phone and realized the battery died. "Great. Phone's dead."

"Oh, fuck." Paige cursed as she rubbed her temples. Just at that moment, Eric casually sauntered across the roof.

"What did I miss?" he asked, his tone implying that he really didn't care what he missed.

"The part where I'm gonna rip off your dick and slap you across the face with it." Jamie snarled as she glared at Eric. Paige immediately stepped up to defend her boyfriend.

"Whoa – chill, Jamie. We don't need to slap and ruin his beautiful face. We wouldn't want that, would we Eric?" she cooed to the taller man as he placed on a deliberate smirk and wrapped an arm around Paige's waist, pulling her closer. Jamie narrowed her eyes at Paige's _boyfriend_ as did Phil. So far – nobody liked Paige's boyfriend. Well, except Alan, of course.

"Hey, guys?" Alan spoke up in a hesitant voice. Everyone turned to look at him. "If I step on a cornflake – does that make me a serial killer?"

"Oh, Alan." Connie said as she wrapped an arm around the shorter, fat man. "You already look like a serial killer. You practically have _serial killer_ printed all over your forehead. It's okay."

"God, Alan." Paige sighed in annoyance. "How stupid can you be?"

"You really should stop saying that, Paige." Jamie told her. "I think Alan's starting to take that as a challenge."

"Jesus Christ." Paige commented wryly. "We now live in the era of smart phones and stupid people."

"Hey!" Alan shouted out, offended. "Don't insult Phil like that! He's not stupid!" Paige looked at Alan like she wanted to kill him.

"I wasn't talking about Phil, you creepy, weird, fat—"

"Don't argue with the bearded devil, Paige." Jamie interrupted her. "He will drag you down to his level and then beat you with his experience." Paige took a breath, trying to calm down.

"You're right." Paige mumbled. "You're right."

"Okay." Phil clapped his hands together after thinking out a plan. "Look, everyone, Alan and I will handle this. The rest of you go back there. You tell them that Alan and I are still drunk and partying or whatever and that Teddy is with us. You two gotta get married." He pointed to Stu and Jamie.

"No, fuck that. I'm not leaving until we find Teddy. Zoey will have my ass if she realizes that I lost her little brother." Jamie argued.

"I agree with her." Stu said. "If Teddy's out there injured or whatever, it's gonna be my fault."

"Oh, honey." Jamie cooed, rubbing his arm. "It's not gonna be your fault."

"Thank you." Stu pulled a small smile.

"Eh, who am I kidding? It is actually your fault."

"What?" Stu turned to look at her.

"Say what?"

"Jesus Christ." Phil rolled his eyes at the couple as he paced around, trying to come up with a new plan. Suddenly, it hit him. "Shit. Everyone – check your pockets – now." He ordered.

"What?" Alan asked as everyone gathered around the pipe.

"You know the drill." Stu told him as they all pulled random stuff from their pockets. "Come on, there might be clues. Check your phones, numbers, texts, anything."

"Shut up, dude. We got it." Connie said annoyed, looking through her pockets and purse.

"Oh, shit! What the fuck?!" Jamie said disgusted as she pulled something out of her pocket. "EWW! THIS IS A USED CONDOM!" Without even thinking, she flung it in Paige's hair. Paige instantly began to freak out as she swiped the condom from her red hair, repeatedly saying "ew, ew, ew" as she stepped on the condom dramatically.

"You had a condom in your pocket? Probably a keepsake of stealing Stu's virtue." Eric said, smirking devilishly. Stu shot him an offended look.

"What the fuck, man? I'm not a virgin." Stu defended himself. Phil put a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course you're not, man." Phil told him, sounding sincere.

"Thank you." Stu nodded.

"Wait – so you're not a virgin?" Paige asked Stu confused.

"I am so offended right now! What the fuck is wrong with you, people? I'm not a virgin. Why is that so hard to believe?" Stu was practically shouting in frustration.

"I think it be best if we didn't answer that question." Connie commented.

"Well then, fuck you guys and your absurd opinions!" Stu snapped.

"Whoa – cool! I found Obama toilet paper in my pocket!" Alan beamed as he pulled out a small roll of toilet paper. Paige looked at him funnily.

"Why is that so cool?"

"Because now Obama gets to see what my butt looks like in the nude."

"Hahaha. Obama gets to eat shit. And not just any shit, Alan's shit." Jamie laughed, clapping her hands as she howled with laughter.

"Hey – look what I found!" Connie said as she pulled out a shock pen from her pocket. "I've always wanted one of these! I wonder if it works—"

She squealed in surprise as she triggered the pen, shocking her momentarily. "Yep, it works."

"Can I see that?" Jamie asked.

"Sure." Connie handed it to her.

"Thanks." Jamie said before aiming the pen at Eric and pressing it against his neck. Instantly, he jumped back in surprise when the pen shocked his neck.

"What the fuck what that for?" he asked her angrily, clutching his neck. Jamie only shrugged.

"I just don't like you."

"I got nothing." Paige said with a deep sigh.

"I got a text from Chow." Alan said as he looked through his cell phone. Everyone looked at him.

"What time?" Stu questioned him.

"Uh." Alan paused. "10 o'clock last night."

"What does it say?" Phil asked.

"_On my way niggas_." Alan read, causing Connie to roll her eyes at the derogatory slang. The group stayed silent for a moment wondering what to do next. Anything that could have possibly been on Connie's phone was of no use to them without any power.

"We are so fucked." Stu said, a sign of his frustration. The monkey returned and began to chatter at them. Alan began to chuckle.

"Hey, Phil." Alan said, smiling at the creature. "Look whose back." They looked at the monkey for a moment.

"We got to get you out of the sun." Phil said, looking at Alan's bald head. "Or get you a hat."

"Phil. I have a question." Alan replied to him out of nowhere.

"Oh, God." Connie sighed. Alan asking questions was never a good sign. Seriously - how much stupider could he get? Honestly?

"This better be good." Paige whispered to Jamie in which she nodded in agreement.

"What's that, Alan?" Phil asked, trying not to let his annoyance slip through his voice. Either way, Alan didn't seem to notice.

"Do monkey's get gray hair when they grow old?"

"Oh, Alan." So dumb.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you everyone from last chapter's reviews! They were awesome! And once again, my humblest apologies for the shortness of last chapter! Everything is chaotic when school is back in session! Well – I really hope you all enjoy this LONGER chapter! As always – please tell me your thoughts at the end of the chapter :)**_

_Wild Ones_

_Chapter 8_

"Phil." Stu said for the thousandth time it seemed. Currently – the group of seven was walking through the chaotic streets of Bangkok. Like Phil promised, Alan bought himself a straw hat to cover his bald head from getting sunburned and a bag of Fanta soda. "I really think we should go to the American consulate." Stu finished, looking determined. Phil rolled his eyes at his best friend while Jamie let out an annoyed sigh. Her future husband has been complaining for the last hour and it was driving her (and everyone else) insane.

"For what?" Phil challenged him. "To report a dead body that was shoved into an ice machine. Not to mention we also robbed the fucker of his credit cards and cash and shit. Do you know how bad that sounds?" asked Phil, narrowing his eyes at Stu. Stu only looked at him with a crazy look in his eye.

"Well, what are we going to do?" Stu asked him loudly, gesturing to the frenzied surroundings. "Keep walking in circles, because that's really productive." Sarcasm dripped from his tongue. Paige groaned – growing extremely annoyed of Stu's complaining.

"You know that Phil is trying to figure his hardest to figure this out." Paige snapped at him irritably which shocked everyone – including Phil. Eric only stared at her angrily. She was defending him now? "And your negative attitude is not helping." She finished, glaring at Stu. He only returned the glare.

"I'm sorry, Paige." He snapped back. "It's 100 degrees outside and we don't have a plan and all we've done is buy Alan hats and sodas!"

"What?" asked Alan innocently, "It's a bag of Fanta."

"Give me some of that." Connie said, grabbing the bag from Alan to drink some while Alan only watched her with a grin of satisfaction.

"Well, what do you want to do, Stu?" asked Phil, growing more aggravated and irritated.

"I don't know." Stu responded.

"Then stop yelling at me and Paige like it's our fucking fault!" Phil yelled at him. Jamie turned to glare at the taller man.

"It _is_ your fucking fault, Phil!" She yelled back.

"All I wanted was a bachelor brunch!" Stu added. At that moment, Phil's phone began to ring. He told everyone to shut up.

"Doug. Talk to me." Everyone looked at Phil in anticipation.

"_I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD_." Doug explained on the cell. "_They got him. He's okay_."

"Oh, thank God." Phil answered in relief. "Doug found him. What happened?"

"_He got arrested_," Doug continued.

"Arrested for what?"

"_Disorderly conduct._"

"Seriously?" Phil asked.

"_Yeah_," Doug answered, "_He's okay though, they're going to release him into your custody, no questions asked and no one here has to know. He's at the, uh, Ratchawong Police Station_."

"Okay," Phil answered, "Okay, I'll call you when we get there. Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We got to get a cab."

"All right." Connie clapped happily.

"Thank God." Paige sighed.

"I want to go home." Eric mumbled angrily.

"Stu, I'm tired. Carry me." Jamie whined. Stu looked at her and slyly grinned.

"Bridal style?"

"You're such a fag."

"Piggy back, it is."

"Ha. Piggy back. It's just funny considering that you made out with that pig earlier." Jamie chuckled in amusement.

"Don't remind me. Please." Was Stu's weary response. Jamie only grinned before hopping onto his back, making him cry out in pain.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"I'm too old for this." Stu complained as he hoisted her up onto his back.

"Giddy up, Grampa!" Stu started to walk with her on his back before she complained, "Four Eyes, just because you are giving me a piggy back doesn't mean your hands can go on my ass."

"This should be my compensation for carrying you." And with that, he patted her butt. Jamie sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

* * *

Shortly, everyone found their way at the police station. Paige, Eric, Connie, Alan, Stu, and Jamie all waited on the benches doing random things (the monkey sat in between everyone reading a magazine) while Phil talked with the receptionist about Teddy's release. Connie and Alan were doing a thumb war – which Alan was losing multiple times. Jamie was reading a magazine while Stu braided her hair.

"Huh. That's interesting." Jamie commented while reading her magazine.

Stu continued braiding her hair and asked, "What's interesting?"

"Even Bangkok thinks Channing Tatum is smexy." She grinned as Stu only rolled his eyes.

"Paige, baby." Eric caught Paige's attention. She turned to him as she was also reading a magazine.

"Yeah?"

"Can you massage my hand?" Without even waiting for an answer, he stuck his hand in her face. Paige looked at him funnily.

"You do remember that I punched a wall earlier." Eric responded dryly. Paige rolled her eyes.

"And whose fault was that?" The only response Eric gave was childishly pointing towards Phil. Paige sighed but grabbed his hand anyway and began massaging it.

"Ooh baby, can you pop my knuckle?" Eric sighed in content. Paige stared at him in annoyance before grimacing as she popped his knuckles while groaning.

"Okay, thank you." Phil thanked the receptionist. He turned to everyone and gave them all odd looks – the monkey reading a magazine, Connie and Alan doing a stupid thumb war, Stu braiding Jamie's hair, and Paige massaging Eric's hand. "Okay then. We're good. We're good. They're processing him for release right now. They just put him in the drunk tank, he's fine."

"Thank the lord." Paige sighed in relief.

"Sixteen years old, and spends the night in jail." Stu said as he finished plaiting his girlfriend's blonde hair. "Can you imagine?" It was then Alan let out a laugh.

"We sure do love to party."

"Shut up, Alan." Jamie said in a tired tone, still looking at her Channing Tatum magazine. It was then that Teddy's release was announced over the PA system, causing the seven of them to turn towards the iron gates.

"Here we go." Phil said excitedly before he frowned in disappointment when he realized that it wasn't Teddy. "Wait, who's this fucking guy?"

"He looks like my ex-boyfriend." Connie commented.

"What the fuck?" Jamie looked at her weirdly.

"Teddy Si Sigh," the police officer explained.

"No, no, no," Phil said, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, that's the wrong guy. Sir?"

"Excuse me," Paige said, walking back over to the receptionist, "I'm sorry, there's been a mistake, you brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy."

"Of course, it's him," the receptionist said, "We have his IDs and everything. These were in his pocket when we made the arrest." Paige looked down at the ID and wallet that she had just been given.

"They were in his pocket," Phil asked from over her shoulder. The receptionist nodded.

"Excuse me sir," Stu said, walking towards the elderly man that they had been given, "How did you get this stuff?" The elderly man stayed silent.

"Hello?" Stu called. Jamie whispered in his ear.

"I don't think he likes you."

"I don't think he likes me either."

"Teddy doesn't speak," the receptionist explained, "We tried English, Thai, Chinese…nothing." Jamie looked at the receptionist in annoyance and grabbed the ID cards.

"Let me ask you something." Jamie said, smiling sweetly at the receptionist before slamming the ID card on the window. "Does he look like he works out at Valley Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?"

"Look," the receptionist said looking at the blonde woman annoyed, "We arrest a lot of people, we cannot analyze everything."

"What the fuck, man?" Eric said angrily, "What do you expect us to do with this guy?"

"Not my problem."

"Asshole." Jamie muttered.

"Hey guys," Alan called, "I think he knows us." The old man was smiling and holding hands with Alan, while he sat calmly and silently in his wheelchair.

"Hello."

* * *

"Do you know where our friend is?" asked Stu for what seemed like the millionth time, since they had exited the police station. "Teddy, he's missing."

"Stu, forget it," Phil said, "The guys worthless."

"He knows something," Stu replied, "He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt."

"What if he just doesn't understand?" Paige suggested, finger combing through her red hair.

"Probably, huh? Uh, I'll act it out." Stu said, "Yeah, like charades. Watch… two words."

"Is it a movie?" Alan asked.

"This is not for you, Alan." Stu said annoyed. "American teenager…in Asia."

"Karate Kid," Alan guessed, "With Jaden Smith? It was easy because you were talking through it."

"Stu," Jamie said, "It's a waste of time."

"Just leave this fucking guy here." Eric said, and the old man looked affronted.

"Oh, here's something." Alan said, looking down at his speech cards from the night before, "There are five hundred thousand monks living in Thailand. It is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence at the age of 8."

"There you go," Paige said, leaning into Eric's chest.

"Is there anything else in that envelope?" Stu asked, pointing to the envelope that Connie had in her hands.

"It's empty," she answered.

"Whoa, hang on," Stu said, "A drink card from White Lion Bar, Bangkok."

"It's worth a shot," Phil said.

* * *

Everyone walked down the street where the White Lion Bar was supposed to be located at. The entire street looked like a disaster zone. Connie and Alan walked together holding hands, surveying the damage around them. Paige leaned onto Eric as they walked. Stu had Jamie on his back once again as Phil walked solo in the middle pushing the old man in the wheel chair.

"Is this the right street?" Phil asked, as they looked at what surrounded them.

"That's what it said." Paige answered, before coughing as she inhaled some of the smoke that was in the air.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Stu said, as he looked at a burned down building, "This is the White Lion."

"What the fuck happened here?" Eric asked.

"Holy shit," Stu said, before a man who was sweeping up the street behind them, began to scream at them, gesturing for them to leave, and then everybody else who was out there cleaning up, threw things and yelled at them as well.

"Man, people here in Bangkok are so rude." Connie muttered.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Phil asked.

The seven continued to walk down the street with the old man, when Alan spotted something on the wall outside of a tattoo parlor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys," Alan said, "Check it out." They made their way towards the tattoo parlor, to see a picture of Stu, pointing at the tattoo they had discovered that morning. Jamie burst out laughing over Stu's shoulder.

"What?" he asked her in annoyance, holding her up right onto his sore back.

"You look cross-faded as fuck." She commented, giggling.

Stu rolled his eyes before saying to everyone else, "That's my face! Go, go, go! Nice work, Alan!"

* * *

"Hello," Paige called, as they entered the parlor.

"Be with you in a minute," the artist replied, as he continued working on a little boy's tattoo. The seven of them walked in.

"Excuse me," Phil said.

"Oh look who it is," the artist said, turning to them all. "So, what do you think?"

"I'm sorry," Stu asked, looking at the man confused.

"The tattoo," the artist asked, "You love it?"

"Uh, no actually I hate it," Stu said.

"No refunds," the artist answered, "Get the fuck out."

"Wait a second," Paige said, looking at the man in shock.

"Read the sign," the artist told her.

"We don't want any refunds," Eric explained annoyed. "We just have a couple of questions. We're trying to figure out what went down last night."

"What went down," the artist asked, "Take a look at what you did outside, half the neighborhood went down."

"We did that?" Jamie asked, trying not to laugh.

"You don't remember your boyfriend getting into a bar fight at the White Lion," the artist asked her, pointing at Stu, "Starting a full on fucking riot?"

"He did that?" Jamie snorted, pointing at her future husband.

"No," Phil answered, "Sir, we don't remember anything." The artist slowly began to chuckle, followed along with Alan. He handed the tool to the little boy sitting in front of him, before grabbing a phone that sat beside him and handed it to Paige.

"Check this out."

Everyone leaned over Paige and looked at the video on the phone. It looked like a complete disaster was taking place.

Stu on the screen had his shirt off, twirling it around, screaming "_Fuck the police! Fuck the police_!" Paige and Eric were both hollering and screaming. Phil was standing there looking drunk as hell depended on it. Connie and Alan were both shown laughing and drinking while Jamie was lighting stuff on fire for some reason randomly wearing a pink bunny suit while singing obnoxiously at the top of her lungs, "_Let's gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song! Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song_!" Then the video showed Teddy making noises to the camera.

"There's Teddy!" Stu pointed to the camera.

"No shit!" Eric snapped as Stu only gave him a look.

Then it showed Jamie, Stu, and Teddy lighting more stuff on fire. As the police showed up, Jamie decided to be retarded and run towards the police wearing her pink bunny suit as Stu only ran after her before picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder as they all ran, leaving the old man in the wheel chair behind.

"Jesus Christ," Paige mumbled under her breath, handing the phone back to the artist.

"That's when the cops arrived, and started cracking skulls," he explained, "I took you guys and hid you in the shop, and then you decided that you wanted tattoo, cried like a little bitch." Stu gave the man an offended look while Jamie only patted his arm. "This kid's nine years old and he's got balls twice your size. Show them your balls…" The kid went to undo his pants.

"No, no, no," Paige said, stopping the kid because that would be really weird. "That's okay, listen we're looking for our friend Teddy, have you seen him?"

"Not since last night," the artist answered, "Why what happened?"

"We're supposed to get married tomorrow, and we kind of lost him," Stu explained. The artist looked at the seven idiots and shook his head.

"Oh well," he answered, "Then fuck it."

"What, what, what do you mean fuck it?" Stu asked.

"Bangkok has him now." The artist explained, "And she'll never let him go."

"You hear that," Phil snapped at the monk, "Huh, is this what you wanted—"

"Phil," Paige warned, giving him a look which irritated Eric.

"You happy now?" Phil continued.

"You're wasting your time," the artist told Phil, "Monks take their vow shit seriously. Look at this, that's the sign of the Kangmon Monastery, just outside of town. Maybe someone over there can get him to talk."

"Is it me or does history like to repeat itself?" Connie asked, chuckling a little at the irony in the situation. Two years back when they were in Vegas, they went to the hospital to retrieve information and now they are visiting a tattoo parlor to retrieve information.

"Why do I have the feeling we're gonna be in doggy doo-doo?" Jamie whined.


	9. Chapter 9

**(A/N: Hey guys! Please do me a favor and go check out my Polyvore creations for this story! I've made a ton of different posters and templates and things like that! So go check them out! Also, everyone whose reviewed last chapter, you guys are really the best! And another thing – I want all of you to check out Ryan1441's story **Taking On Bangkok**! It's really funny and I think you all will enjoy it as much as I am! Well – that's all I have to say! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!)**

"_When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, hey, bum, bum, bum, got any grapes_?" Both Jamie and Connie were singing annoyingly at the top of their lungs. Currently – everyone was riding on the public transportation bus headed towards the Monastery. Phil and Stu were sitting on one side while Connie and Jamie sat on the other side with Eric and Paige and Alan with the monk. Connie and Jamie kept singing the duck song the entire time and it was driving everyone nuts.

"Shut up," growled out Phil in annoyance, shooting the two girls a look that clearly meant _shut the fuck up._

"Okay, can we just go over this one more time?" Stu asked, trying to get to the bottom of this case. "You got the beer from—"

"The hotel bar gave me a sealed case." Phil explained once more.

"Right," Stu said. "But, who gave it to you?"

"The bartender," Phil said. After Phil unfortunately said the word _bartender_, it caused Connie and Jamie to belt out into a T-Pain song.

"_I like the bartender  
(Oh if you're lookin' for me)  
I'm at the bar with her  
(Uh-huh, OK)  
I like the bartender  
(Yeah if you're lookin' for me)  
I'm at the bar with her  
(Oh uh-huh, OK.)"_

"Oh my God, you guys," Paige shouted out in pure annoyance towards the two. "Shut your traps!" Jamie and Connie both stuck their tongues out childishly at their best friend.

"You're just jealous because I'm black." Jamie shot. Paige simply gave her a _what-the-fuck_ face in return.

"What are you talking about?" Paige questioned. "You're white!"

"Don't be racist, you white nigga! I may be white on the outside but I'm Mexican on the inside."

"I thought you said you were black…"

"Fuck off…"

"I'm hungry…" Connie randomly commented, her stomach growling.

"I'm Alan…" Alan decided to randomly comment himself. Everyone turned to look at him, even the monk. Alan looked confused at them all. "What…?"

Stu shook his head at the bearded man before saying, "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know but I really have to fart…" Connie complained as everyone gave her a disgusted look. "Do you guys mind if I—"

"Yes, we fucking mind, Bonnie." Eric snapped at her. Connie shot him an offended look.

"It's Connie, you son-of-a—"

"Connie!" Paige narrowed her eyes at the brunette. "Don't be rude."

"I'm surrounded by idiots…" Connie threw her hands up in the air dramatically before looking at the monk. "Except you, you're cool." In return, the monk gave her an appreciated smile. Then, all of a sudden, Alan decided it would be funny to stick a water bottle in his pants, making it appear as if he had an erection.

"Hey guys," Alan caught everyone's attention with a goofy grin. "Check it out! He's got a Chinese boner!"

"Hey! Look! It's One Erection!" Jamie said, laughing, pointing at the monk's Chinese boner. Connie glared at her.

"Don't make fun of One Direction! Leave them alone!" She cried out as Jamie continued her contagious laughter.

"Alan, come on," Paige complained as Phil and Stu fought to hide their smiles and laughter. "Cut it out. It's not funny."

"Dude, that's really fucking weird." Eric snapped at Alan. Jamie immediately defended the bearded man by throwing an arm around his shoulder.

"Alan is really fucking weird! You don't need to say it to his face!"

"You're starting to get really fucking weird too." Eric pointed out. Jamie shrugged.

"I'm always really fucking weird. Got a problem with that, homo?" It was then that the monkey, leaped onto the elderly monk's lap and began to suck on the tip of the water bottle. Even Paige started to chuckle out of amusement. That's something you never see every day. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

"When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language." Alan laughed.

* * *

Phil paid the driver, and thanked him quickly, while the rest of the group waited by the gates of the monastery. Alan bid goodbye to the other passengers and they entered the monastery taking in the beauty that was behind the walls.

"What is this, a PF Chang's?" asked Alan as he pushed the wheelchair monk. Connie hit his arm.

"Please, don't talk about PF Chang's. I'm so hungry, I could eat a bear." Connie clutched her stomach. Alan gave her a sympathetic look.

"Connie, that's terrible." Alan cried out, making everyone give him a weird look. "Bears are so cute and cuddly, why would you want to eat it?"

"Honey, it was a figure of speech. Silly goose." Connie playfully pinched Alan's cheeks as he only gave her a happy smile in return.

"Wow, this is really beautiful." Paige looked around in awe at the gorgeous place. Phil heard her as he walked next to her.

"Yes, you are," he murmured quietly. Paige turned to him with a cocked eyebrow.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Was Phil's quiet response as Paige only looked at him briefly and caught up with Eric, taking a hold of his hand. This made Phil bubble with insane jealousy as he frowned at the sight of them. Jamie noticed this action and purposely slowed down from walking next to Stu to walk next to Phil in the very back of the group and wholeheartedly elbowed his arm, bringing his attention to her.

"You do realize you still have a chance with her, right?" Jamie softly told him, looking at him earnestly, for once. Phil looked at her strangely. When, all of a sudden, did Jamie decide to be nice to him for once? Usually, they were always fighting, or arguing, or being mean to each other. Why the sudden change of heart? Phil sighed, sounding tired.

"I don't want to talk about this right now." Phil said to her, trying to not let the ugly sight of Paige and Eric anger him even more. Jamie sighed.

"Look, I know this may sound weird, or whatever, but honestly, I'd rather have Paige be with someone like you instead of a douchebag like that jackass over there. And that's saying a lot."

Phil looked at her oddly before asking, "Are you still drugged?"

Jamie smirked. "Are you still an asshole?" Phil only gave her a narrowed look. She quickly defended herself, "Only kidding, Phil. Jeez. No need to get your man panties in a twist. And to answer your ridiculously stupid question, no I am not still drugged. At least I don't think I am…"

"Why are you, all of a sudden, being nice to me?" Phil asked her, honestly. He wanted to know. "I thought you hated me or something retarded like that."

"Oh, you're right about that, Phil. I do hate you." Jamie corrected him. "But under forced circumstances, I feel the need to be nicer to you because of the shitty situation we're in."

"So… if we weren't in a shitty situation like this, you're saying you would continue to be mean to me?"

Jamie shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much. But, really, I don't want Paige to be with a major douchebag like Eric. Please, change her mind or something."

"Are you asking me to seduce your best friend?" Phil and Jamie, both, completely stopped walking as everyone else continued to walk forward, unaware that the two were still behind.

"I'm asking to practically sweep her off her feet, yes. And don't smirk like that, Wenneck. Just because I'm asking you to woo my best friend, doesn't mean you give me a weird smile, you weirdo."

"So, I have permission from you to seduce her?" Phil couldn't wipe that stupid grin off his face.

Jamie rolled her eyes. "You're really slow, aren't you? Yes, I think I said that like five times already!"

"Well then, Webster. I'm glad we've had this conversation." Phil grinned.

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret this?" Jamie sighed as she walked away from Phil to catch up to the others. Soon, Phil ran up to catch the others.

"Knock, knock," Alan called out rudely, disrupting the therapy session that was going on. "Hello."

"Alan!" Paige warned.

"Don't be disrespectful!" Stu added.

"Alan, if you don't shut up, you're not getting a cookie!" Connie said.

"Holy shit! People! Shut the fuck up! These Asians are trying to meditate!" Eric shouted.

"Oh my God, shut up, Eric!" Jamie growled in annoyance.

"Don't get up guys," Phil said, as they walked up to where a group of monks were meditating.

"We brought one of your guys back," Alan explained, "He, he's really funny. He's really nice and cool."

"Hi!" Phil greeted one of the monks. "How are you doing?" A middle-aged monk walked up to them and stood before them wielding a long staff. "Uh, are you the one in charge?" The only answer Phil received was a smack in the face, making him shout in pain. Paige gasped, her eyes widening.

"Oh my God, Phil, are you—"Paige couldn't finish her sentence as the monk suddenly hit her in the stomach hard, making her double over in pain.

"Hey! Asshole! That's my girl—MOTHERFUCKER THAT HURT!" Eric cried out as the monk hit him rather harshly in the balls.

Jamie laughed at Eric before turning to the monk to thank him for his duties, "Thank you sir, I've always wanted to do that my—OWW! SON OF A NUTCRACKER!" Jamie cried out as the monk hit her on the head.

"Hey! That's wasn't very nice—OW! WHAT THE FUCK!" Stu squealed in pain as the monk hit him in the shoulder. "It because we're-!" Another hit for Stu. "Ow! We're talking-!" Another one for Stu. "Stop talking!" He quickly ordered us. Instead he was hit again. "Ow!" He fell on his knees. "God dammit!" Another hit on his back. "Ow! Stop!" Another hit on his back. "Why me?" Another hit on his back. "Stop hitting me!" He screamed. But again the monk hit him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!" Paige shrieked out, causing the monk to hit her on the arm, making Phil very mad.

"Leave her alone—OWW THAT HURTS!" Phil got smacked in the back.

Jamie held her hands out, trying to calm the monk. "_Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can." The monk tilted his head in confusion as everyone looked at Jamie like what-the-fuck. "Prick it and pat it and mark it with an "S". And put it in the oven for Stu and me_—OWWW!" The monk slapped her hand with his staff as she tried to clap her hands along to the song. "Hey – fuck you, man, I'm trying to teach you pat-a-cake, the most kid friendly song in the world!" The monk only hit her square in the mouth, causing her to fall uselessly to the ground.

"Oh, I get it!" Alan called out happily, before the monk hit him so hard, he fell down the stairs.

"What the fuck, Connie! How could you be texting at a time like this?" Jamie cried out, looking at Connie who was standing perfectly fine and checking on her cell phone. Ignoring the complaining group, Connie put down her cell phone, Connie smiled and bowed towards the monk who bowed in return.

Stu mouthed angrily while he pointed at the monk, 'Asshole!'

"I get it." Phil whispered.

"Fucking, really?" Eric asked angrily as the monk led the whole group to follow him.

* * *

Phil, Paige, Eric, Stu, Jamie, Connie, and Alan all stood in front of another monk, silently older than the one that had painfully greeted them.

"Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery." the monk explained, "Shouting out questions of about love, marriage and the meaning of life. Fu brother Han was meditating alone in the garden, and you took him."

"Oh my God," Paige whispered in horror. "We kidnapped a monk."

"We live an alternative life style," Alan said, causing everyone and the monk to look at him.

"We are so sorry about that." Phil apologized, "We weren't ourselves last night."

"Yeah, things kind of spun out of control a little bit." Stu explained, "But there's a boy whose missing and hurt. Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?" The monk looked towards the elderly one.

"Brother Han, took a vow of silence, many years ago," the younger monk explained, "It would useless to try."

"Maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper." Paige suggested.

"Actually, Paige that would be cheating." Alan said, "Isn't that right, Grand Wizard?"

"Alan," Phil warned.

"I'm afraid fatty's right," the monk said.

"See… what," Alan said.

"None of us will ever know what Brother Han knows." The monk explained.

"Oh," Jamie frowned. "Alright well, so much for holy people."

"They're all a bunch of bald assholes," Eric complained, making everyone roll their eyes. "And you know what, FYI, you may want to put up some signs up that say no talking before you unleash your dragon-"

"Yeah, that was a little…" Stu had to agree with Eric on that part.

"And you're welcome for bringing him back safe," Phil continued, "You know we found him in the drunk tank."

"Yeah, well we did take him in the first place." Paige said.

"Come on," Phil beckoned, "Guys, let's go."

"Wait," the monk said, halting everyone, "The Buddha teach that every memory lives somewhere deep within. Perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation.

"You understand a word he just said," Phil said, looking at Stu.

"Yeah, I got about two-thirds of it. He said something about the garden of meditation." Stu said.

"No," Alan contradicted. "He's farting because of his medication. I get that." The monk and everyone looked at him. Jamie, whom was standing next to the bearded man, slowly stepped back in disgust.

* * *

They all sat in the temple where they got beat up by the monk. They were all concentrating and trying to find 'an answer deep within' but up until now nothing happened. Everyone sat in a line. First, Eric, Paige, Phil, Stu, Jamie, Connie, and then Alan.

"This is a waste of time. I don't remember anything." Phil whispered to Stu. "Do you, Stu?"

"No." Stu shook his head. "I got nothing."

"Paige?" asked Phil, looking at her. She sighed, her eyes still closed, and her shoulders slumped.

"Nope." She answered.

"Fuck this place." Eric muttered. "This is so stupid."

"Jamie?" Stu asked. She didn't answer, her eyes still closed. Stu looked at her more closely, before softly shaking her shoulder. "Jamie? Do you see anything?"

"I see…" Jamie hesitated as everyone looked at her in anticipation. "I see…"

"What?" Phil urged her to go on.

"I see a McDonalds..." Jamie said as everyone gave an irritated sigh and eye roll.

"This is serious…" Stu reminded her.

"I am being serious." Jamie looked at him as Stu only rolled his eyes.

"What about you, Connie?" asked Paige, looking at her brunette best friend. Connie shook her head.

"Nope. Nothing. God damn you, James, now I want McDonalds!" Connie complained, clutching her growling stomach.

Finally, Phil turned to Alan, who was still meditating. "Alan?" Phil tried to get his attention. Alan didn't reply. He kept his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open.

"Alan!" Stu whispered and snapped his fingers in front of his face. Still no reaction from Alan. He didn't even move. For about a minute they kept looking at Alan. Sometimes they started thinking that he was dead. He didn't move at all. Suddenly his eyes shot open.

"I know where to go." He spoke. Everyone exchanged looks before following Alan.

"Does it involve a McDonalds?" Jamie asked, her stomach now growling.

"Shut up, Jamie!" Paige rolled her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**(A/N: Sorry for the late update guys! It's a cliché excuse, but I've been very busy recently and had limited time to write! I hope you all forgive me for that. To make up for my long absence, I present to you a brand new chapter of Wild Ones! Enjoy!)**

After everyone left the monastery, Connie ended up miraculously finding a McDonalds around the city that was close by.

After complaining to everyone, Connie got her way as they all succumbed to take a break and have some unhealthy lunch at a freakin' McDonalds.

"I want a double-cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, onions, but not those weird onion bits, I want the other kind of onions, and honey-mustard, ketchup, and mustard, but not spicy mustard, and a diet coke with enough ice cubes to chill it, but not enough that when they melt it, it makes the coke go all watery, and a milkshake with nuts, hot sauce, chocolate shavings, mnms, and a cherry on top. And YES, I do want fries with that."

Everyone watched in amazement as Connie ordered to the cashier in all one breath.

Damn, she really must be hungry.

"Are you feeding an army?" asked Paige, trying to hide her laughter but failing miserably. Connie didn't seem to mind that everyone was making fun of her.

"Fuck off, you guys. I'm starvin' like Marvin. Don't judge me." Connie crossed her arms as everyone cracked a few smiles, for once, having an okay time.

They all sat down at a long, narrowed table.

Connie and Alan sat together on one side, Paige and Eric sitting right beside the couple and across from them was Jamie who next to Phil and Stu.

A few moments of silence passed as everyone ate their meals.

As Jamie was eating, she suddenly felt like she was being watched. Slowly, she turned around in her spot and looked behind her.

She noticed there was a purple fuzzy costume character guy standing creepily behind her, just staring at her.

It was one of those irritating people dressed up in a lame costume being paid to scare kids and annoy people. Jamie gave him a weird look before slowly turning back to eat her food.

But then, she still felt like she was being watched. Turning back around again, she realized the gay-looking purple character was still looking at her like a retard.

"The fuck are you looking at, Barney?" Jamie asked the weirdo.

"Jamie!" Paige scolded.

"Don't make me whip out my toilet plunger!" Jamie warned the dinosaur costume freak.

"Jamie, what the fuck!" Phil exclaimed, stunned that Jamie was starting fight with a fucking costumed-character.

"Don't stare at me, don't even breathe the same air as me!" Jamie started to rise up from her seat, making the costume guy back up. "Yeah, you better back the fuck up, Barney! I will go fucking Jurassic Park on your fat purple ass! Yeah, that's right! Run like a little pussy back to your mommy!"

Barney ended up running away, apparently Jamie scared him away. She grinned triumphantly as Stu gave his future wife a look.

"I sometimes wonder to myself why I'm in love with you." He said, clearly annoyed of her starting fights again. Certainly wasn't the first time. And probably won't be the last.

"Ha! It's funny because everyone is wondering the same thing." Alan laughed making Connie pinch his arm. Alan flinched back in pain.

"Be nice." Connie said firmly. "Or you don't get a cookie."

"Is it a big one?" Alan asked excitedly.

"Oh, yeah." Connie nodded. "It's so big, it could be your twin."

"I've always wanted a twin…" Alan sighed almost dreamily.

"I've always wanted a Channing Tatum…" Jamie sighed dreamily. Stu glared at her, obviously jealous.

"Mmm… Channing Tatum… He's so hot, I could bake cookies on him." Connie commented.

"Cookies…" Alan sighed again with a goofy grin on his face.

"Your friends are incredibly weird, Paige." Eric commented, clearly annoyed by everyone. Phil shot him an angry look, wanting to punch him so badly. But he couldn't do that to Paige. He wouldn't...

"I'd rather be weird than boring, pencil dick." Jamie retorted making Phil smirk. At least he had Jamie on his side about hating on Eric.

Eric's eye twitched in annoyance when Jamie called him a pencil dick.

"Guys, seriously, we have to work together now, there's no time for arguing or fighting, although Jamie, I give you credit for that last funny comment." Phil said to which Jamie grinned. "Alan, where are we going after this?"

Alan appeared happy that Phil was talking to him. "It's a surprise, Phil."

Phil shot him a dry look. "Alan, there's no time for surprises. Now where the fuck are we going?"

"Just trust me, Phil. I know what I am doing. You'll see." Alan said mysteriously which kind of scared everyone a little.

Who knew what was going on through Alan's head?

"_Old McDonald pissed me off. EIEIO. I stole his pitchfork during night. EIEIO. I crept into his bedroom, yeah. EIEIO. I jammed the pitchfork in his head. EIEIO. With an 'Ow Fuck!' there and an 'Oh Shit!' here. Ow Fuck. Oh Shit. Everywhere the blood went. Old McDonald had a farm. And now it's just for me_." Jamie randomly sang as everyone watched her.

"You need therapy." Phil said bluntly.

"Thank you." Jamie thanked him.

"You're welcome."

Paige shook her head at them, clearly amused before quickly excusing herself to go to the bathroom. Really though, she went outside for a moment to clear her head. It was incredibly hot outside but she didn't mind it.

It actually felt nice and warm against her tanned skin.

As she was standing outside, she didn't realize that someone followed her out. Paige let out a tired sigh before she heard a familiar voice behind her, making her jump.

"What are you doing?"

She spun around and came face-to-face with none other than Phil. Her heart raced as she placed a hand over her chest. Phil slightly smirked at the flustered look on her. It was cute.

"Oh my God. Phil. You scared me." She lamely responded, not knowing what else to say with him looking at her like that. It was almost a passionate look, the type of look if you were in love with someone.

"Funny. I intend to have that effect on you." Phil replied. Blushing, Paige purposely turned away, avoiding eye contact.

"What are you doing out here?" asked Paige.

"I could ask you the same thing," retorted Phil.

"But I asked you first." Paige looked at him firmly.

"And I asked you second."

"Doesn't work like that."

"Sure it does."

"God. I forgot how much annoying you could be sometimes."

"And I forgot how much you can be a bitch sometimes."

Paige gave him an offended look and Phil smirked. He knew he hit a nerve. "What the hell is wrong with you? I knew there was a reason I never liked you, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch!"

Phil scoffed. "You think I'm arrogant? Have you taken a look at your pencil dick of a boyfriend? Now, that's what I would definitely call an arrogant son-of-a-bitch."

"Eric can be sometimes cocky and may have a slight temper, but underneath all that, he's sweet and charming and—"

"An asshole." Phil interrupted.

"Nope. That's what you are." Paige snapped.

"Ouch. I'm wounded." But Phil's words were pure sarcasm.

Paige sighed, "What do you want? If you're here to torture me, please don't. I'm already in a bad mood and I'm tired and I have a headache."

"That makes two of us." Phil commented, clearly amused by her exhausted behavior.

"Seriously, what do you want?"

Phil remembered back to when Jamie specifically told him to practically woo Paige off her feet. He grinned mischievously at the thought. But he certainly wasn't going to Paige what he was truly doing. She would flip a bitch.

"Babe, you really need to chill. What if I told you I was just coming out here to check up on you?" Phil said smoothly, making Paige burn with embarrassment and slight anger by his cool demeanor towards her.

"First of all, don't call me _babe_. I'm not your babe. Second of all, that's very sweet of you but I don't need to be checked up on. I'm not 10 years old, ya know." Paige stubbornly said. See, this was the side of Paige Phil actually admired; her stubborn side. He noticed she was very independent in what she does and what she believes; he respected her for it.

"Don't get your panties into a twist." Phil grinned, slowly stepping closer to her, capturing her attention. The hot sun beating down on the both of them caused a slight sweat to perspire on Paige's forehead which Phil, for some reason, thought was extremely attractive. Since Paige was always so proper-dressed and so perfect all the time; seeing her hair all wide and extremely red and sweaty really turned on Phil and he didn't know exactly why.

Paige widened her eyes as Phil dared to take more steps closer. All she wanted was some fresh air; at the moment, she couldn't even breathe with Phil staring at her so closely like that; as if he was trying to observe through her eyes; the windows to her soul. Ever so slowly, Phil lifted a hand and tucked back a piece of hair out of her face, making her breath quicken.

Without even thinking about it, Phil did the unthinkable and just went for what he wanted. He's been wanting to do this for as long-ass time and quite frankly, he was very impatient at the moment; he kissed her.

Phil felt like he could do cart-wheels and shit like that. Her lips felt extremely smooth against his own chapped lips. He kissed as if he was dying and she was his only savior.

Paige felt exhilarated. There was no words to describe it. Bliss. Her shocked eyelids fluttered close as she gently gripped his wrist as he moved his lips against her own. She didn't kiss him back; only remained still as he kissed her. Secretly, Paige has always had some sort of attraction towards Phil. She couldn't exactly call it love; no. But she admit she did like him; not to mention he was pretty god damn sexy. Then, all of a sudden, she remembered about her boyfriend; and he was still inside and could spot them at any moment.

Then just like that; Paige snapped away from Phil as if she'd been burnt, ruining their kiss. Phil looked somewhat disappointed and stunned for the abrupt ending.

Paige narrowed her blue eyes at him.

SMACK!

"Ow. What the fuck! Well, that killed the mood." Phil grumbled as he rubbed his red cheek where she slapped him; really hard, in fact.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Paige hissed in hushed tones, trying not to cause a scene. "Have you forgotten that I have a boyfriend who's not even like 20 feet away from us inside? God, you're so stupid!"

"Paige, calm down." Phil gripped her shoulders as she fumed.

"I will not calm down! You just kissed me! You intentionally kissed me knowing my boyfriend is inside! How could you do that? Are you trying to break me and Eric up?" she asked, hurt clearly showing in her eyes.

Phil swallowed a thick lump in his throat and asked in a deep voice, "Before you slap me again, let me ask you something. Why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?" he asked quietly. "Paige, I know you're smart and not some naïve little girl. There's something going on between us and you know it." He pointed between him and her. Paige sighed.

"Phil. Can I be honest with you? Even though you can be an asshole sometimes… I know you're a good guy and probably a really sweet person. But honestly, I'm not surprised that you would kiss me…" Hope shined in Phil's eyes as she said all this. "I'm surprised you thought I would kiss you back." She finished.

Phil felt like he got punched in the face.

"Now I'm wounded." Phil said with a pained smile on his face before he grudgingly walked away back into the McDonalds.

Paige immediately regretted the words she said as she watched him solemnly walk away. Maybe that had been too harsh.

* * *

"What do you think, Alan?" asked Phil as everyone stood in front of a building. It had a sign above the entrance with letters that were glowing light pink and blue. Next to the group were some young women dressed in school girl uniforms that were way too small for them. Jamie already knew what this place was.

"This is the place." Alan remembered. A couple of women walked up and stroked Eric, Phil, Alan, and Stu's chest. Jamie stared at the woman touching Stu and slapped her hand away; waving her hand like a no-no gesture while Paige glared at the lady for even looking at her boyfriend and Connie bitch-slapped one of the hoes for touching Alan.

Phil let out an amused chuckle before patting Alan on the shoulder and saying, "Come on." They all walked inside hesitantly.

Jamie was right; it was a strip club. Pink and blue lights were shining in every direction, young women were dancing in their school girl uniforms by the poles, music pounded through their ears and people walked around as they looked at the _dancers_.

"I don't remember any of this!" Stu yelled over the music. Alan started to awkwardly dance a bit making Connie chuckle and join him a bit.

"Alan, are you sure this is the right place?" asked Phil in a yell.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." Alan replied. For some reason, Paige didn't have a very good feeling about this place. She had a feeling she knew this place and it was for sure a bad feeling. A feeling like they did something wrong there.

All of a sudden, they all heard a "Paige, baby, there you are!" Everyone turned to whoever was yelling and noticed a man with curly hair who looked like he ran the place.

"What?" Paige asked in confusion.

"Are you getting up there or what? C'mon. Baby. Let's get a move on. It's bout time you showed up, I've been waiting all damn day. Now, get your ass up there!" The dude ordered her which angered Phil. He grabbed the guy's shirt, threatening him.

"Don't talk to her like that, fuckin' prick!" Phil growled as the dude held up his hands in surrender.

"I actually have no problem with you going up there." Eric commented as Paige gave him a disgusted look; she was not going up there, no fucking way.

"Sorry, man." The dude said as Phil let him go. "Not only have I been waiting for her, I've been waiting for him all day too."

"Waiting for who?" Stu asked confused.

"Chow, the biggest fuck." The dude answered. Everyone looked at each other in worry, remembering about stuffing Chow's dead body in the freezer. "Why what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Jamie quickly replied. "Nothing's wrong, right guys?" she lied in an unconvincing tone. Thankfully, the dude didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, good." The man replied and ducked. He grabbed something from under the counter and showed it to everyone. "Look at this. Look what I bring for him. Check it out, huh." He unwrapped it and inside was a gun. The girls all gulped simultaneously.

"No, no, no, no." Phil mumbled.

"6000 dollars. American." The dude demanded.

Alan stared at the gun and spoke in amazement. "Wow, it looks so real." He picked it up.

"Alan, no, don't—"Connie cried out but before she could take it away from him, he accidentally fired it. Everyone quickly ducked and screamed as they took cover. Glass started to hit them from before. The music abruptly stopped playing. Alan quickly stopped and looked around in confusion.

"Sorry. Sorry." He apologized.

"ALAN WHAT THE FUCK!" Both Jamie and Phil chorused in shock and anger at him. Connie quickly took the gun away from him and settled it down on the counter. As punishment, she grabbed his hand and slapped him, making him flinch as she gave him a stern look.

"Jesus, dude. You're fucked up in the head." Eric snapped at him, making Alan look down in sadness.

"It's okay!" The dude took the gun away. "The gun, very sensitive, very sensitive."

"We can see that." Paige said sarcastically.

He turned to all the strippers and yelled out, "Everyone okay?" They all just nodded in hesitation. "Okay! Then get this fuck back to work! Music please!" The music started playing again and the man turned to the whole group. "Where is my 6000 dollars?"

"No, no, no. That's Chow's deal!" Connie spoke up.

"We have nothing to do with that." Jamie added.

"Un-fucking-believable, man." He spoke angrily and grabbed the gun. He suddenly pointed it towards Phil making him back up as everyone widened their eyes. "He blacks out again, this shit is gonna catch up with ya. He made a lot of enemies in this town and now we're gonna be your enemies."

"That's not fair!" Stu yelled.

"Okay, listen, we're just looking for a kid." Phil said, hoping that he maybe saw Teddy last night.

"2000 dollars." The man replied.

"What?" Eric asked confused.

"I dunno. Maybe more, okay? How young do you want this kid to be?" Was he serious?

"No!" Paige snapped. "Sorry, you misunderstood. We're looking for our friend, Teddy. 16 years old. Have you seen him?"

"Teddy?" The man suddenly remembered. "Yeah, he was with you guys here last night."

"He was!" Eric yelled as he pushed Stu aside. "Did he leave with us?"

"I dunno." The man replied. "You were in the corner all night with Kimmy, I didn't see you leave."

"Who?" Paige asked in a scarily low tone of voice.

"Oh shit…" Jamie mumbled.

Eric nervously backed off. Paige grabbed Eric's collar and yanked him back and pointed at him. "He?"

The man shook his head, "You all were." He looked at all the guys.

Connie looked at Alan as he cried out, "Don't hit me!"

This time, Jamie looked at Stu as he swallowed nervously. She glared at him as Stu spoke, "I love you?" Jamie pressed her lips into a thin line and pushed him away. He fell down as Jamie, Connie, and Paige all turned back to the guy.

"Where's Kimmy?" the three all asked in unison, anger clearly written over their faces.


	11. Chapter 11

"Where the fuck is Kimmy?" Jamie furiously questioned the Italian owner of the strip club they were in. All three girls stood in front of the counter, having very similar pissed-off expressions on their faces. Phil, Stu, Alan, and Eric all stood behind them, looking very nervous of what was about to go down.

"I'm not telling you." Italian dude snapped back, looking more annoyed by each passing second.

"He's not telling us." Connie sighed, as if that was their last hope. Jamie glared at her in the corner of her eye.

"Really? Like we didn't know that." Jamie snapped before turning back to face the curly-haired Italian. "Listen here, Casanova." Italian dude looked at her, very annoyed. "I've been through a fucking cat fights that involved black people and baseball bats, nigga. I'll fucking beat your ass like they do in Chicago if you don't tell us where your little slut is."

"I'm not telling you shit until Paige, my babe, does her fucking job and gets her ass back up there to make me money, _bitch_!" Italian dude argued with Jamie.

"You heard the man!" Eric grinned, pointing up to the stage and gesturing to Paige. "Get your ass up there, Paige!"

Paige glared at her boyfriend. "Eric… I am a lady. Not a porn-star. I am not going to give this perverted man the satisfaction of stripping down and shaking my… behind… on stage like that. No way. I refuse to do that."

Jamie leaned on her hand, looking bored as fuck. "Paige, just get your fucking ass up there and shake it for the man! I wanna find this Kimmy bitch, so just fucking do it already and get it over with!"

Phil immediately butted into the conversation. "Hey, fuck you, man! For the last fucking time, Paige is not going up there and that's final! You know what, fuck this! Let's go!" Phil turned around to leave before Jamie spoke up.

"No! Fuck you, Phil! I wanna find Kimmy and strangle the shit out of her for touching my man!" Jamie argued angrily while placing her hands on her hips; Stu looked very scared at the moment.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Italian dude held up his hands, shaking his curly head furiously. "No strangling the shit out of my strippers! Can't you read the fucking sign?" He gestured to a wall that had a sign that clearly stated "_Do not strangle the strippers! They will bite_." Everyone looked at the sign.

Paige sighed. "Guys, how badly do we need this information?"

Jamie stared at her. "Do you want to find out who fucked your boyfriend?"

Paige looked at Jamie and then to Eric, who in return, gave her an innocent look. She thought about it for a moment.

"You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to." Phil told her. Paige sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I'm not a little girl anymore," she murmured, quietly. Shocking everybody, Paige suddenly strutted for the pole that was awaiting for her.

"_Daaamn_," Jamie commented, "she got bigger balls than you," she looked at Stu who gave her a glare, in return.

"Shit. This about to get real in da club." Eric remarked, clearly excited that Paige was actually going to strip.

"Don't comment. It's not cool when you try to talk like a nigga." Jamie said, shaking her head at him.

"Jamie, you're not black." Stu told her, annoyance laced in his voice. "Stop acting like you are."

"Shut up, you white nigga." Jamie smiled sweetly at him before handing the Italian dude her iPod she pulled out of her bra. "Play the sexiest track you can find on here!"

The Italian dude grinned, nodding. He placed her iPod on a speaker and started playing "_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic_!" Everyone had a _what-the-fuck_ expression.

Except Connie when she started to randomly dance, also singing along in a horrible voice.

"No, Connie. Don't. You'll catch swine flu if you enjoy this song."

"Really, Jamie?" Paige questioned from the stage. "You still have this terrible song?"

"Dude, what the fuck!" Jamie snapped at Italian dude. "I said play a sexy track, not something that your mother would listen to!"

"_Ooohhh_. Okay!" Italian dude grinned like an idiot and switched to a different track. Once they heard the upbeat music playing, Jamie smiled.

"Perfect." She commented. _Toxic_ by Britney Spears blasted on the speakers.

"Oh God," Paige groaned as she stood by the terrifying pole.

"Oh yes," Jamie grinned evilly.

"_Baby, can't you see? I'm calling. A guy like you should wear a warning. It's dangerous. I'm fallin'_."

"Strip, bitch!" Jamie hollered out when Paige only stood there, looking like she was going to throw up all over the stage. That definitely would've killed the mood.

"C'mon, Paige." Connie called out, encouraging. "Just pretend you're really, really drunk. Like what you did last night."

"I don't remember anything from last night!" Paige yelled at her.

"_Shake yo ass, watch yourself! Shake yo ass, show me what you workin' with_!" Jamie sang out and started laughing at the redness on Paige's face.

"This is so fucked up," Phil murmured.

"This isn't fucked up; it's hot." Eric grinned.

"I'm really uncomfortable with this whole thing," Stu said, looking downright embarrassed.

Jamie snorted. "Don't lie to me; I know you're secretly enjoying this as much as I am."

Stu gave her a look. "You're enjoying this?"

Jamie shrugged. "Yeah, can't you see my lady boner through my pants?"

"No." Stu crossed his arms.

"Fuck you, Four Eyes, and just watch the fucking show. Jeez." Jamie rolled her eyes as Stu gave her a disbelieving look.

Paige hesitantly gripped the pole in both hands and released a deep sigh while closing her eyes.

After a moment, she opened them and leaned against the pole in the sexiest way as possible. Slowly, she moved her hips along to the beat of the music and began circling the pole a bit. Dramatically, she gripped her long Hawaiian skirt and slowly began to untie it.

Phil's eyes widened.

"Oh shit…" Connie commented as she grabbed her video camera and began to record Paige.

"_Too high. Can't come down. Losing my head. Spinning 'round and 'round. Do you feel me now_?"

Finally, Paige fully untied her skirt and flung it across the room; resulting it to landing on Alan's head as he was feeding the little monkey a banana. She was wearing white lacy underwear that made Phil's eyes widen even more if it were possible.

"_With a taste of your lips. I'm on a ride. You're toxic I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise. I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic? And I love what you do. Don't you know that you're toxic_?"

Paige worked up the courage to strip off her top, leaving her clad in her matching white-lace bra.

Phil's jaw dropped.

Eric grinned like a pervert.

Stu's eyes widened.

Alan smiled as if this were so fascinating.

Connie continued her recording session.

Jamie gave her an encouraging thumbs up.

Italian dude grew a noticeable boner.

Other strippers looked jealous.

Paige, trying to ignore everyone else, continued spinning around the pole, while flipping her crazy red hair around her face and began to sing along with the song.

"_It's getting late, to give you up I took a sip from my devils cup slowly it's taking over me_." she sang along with the song.

She flipped her hair wildly and slowly dragging her feet across the room she walked up to the group and found a pole closer and pushed the striper of the pole and began to grip tight and spinning her back at the pole and ever so slowly crouched on the floor and sang. Making Phil watch her every move, with his mouth wide open drooling a bit.

"_Too high can't come down It's in the air and it's all around can you feel me now_?"

When the song nearly ended, Jamie came close to the stage in front of Paige and started to shuffle dollar bills onto the stage where Paige continually danced.

After the song was over, Paige was blushing so much but they couldn't even tell because of the bright pink lights that were beaming on them.

Everyone, including the strippers, clapped for her. Paige looked down in embarrassment and hurriedly put her clothes back on.

"Aww, don't put your clothes back on!" Eric whined.

"Shut up!" Paige growled as she awkwardly shrugged her clothing back on while hopping down from the icky stage. "I'm pretty sure I just caught an STD." She commented in disgust.

"Yeah probably." Connie shrugged. "You were grinding up the fucking stage."

"Paige, I think you just got me pregnant." Jamie smiled while Paige gave her a weird look.

"Paige, I didn't know you could dance like that!" Alan commented, grinning like a fool.

"Thanks, Alan," Paige blushed a bit more.

"That was the sexiest performance I've ever seen, babe," Eric grinned before quickly kissing her on the lips while Phil looked away.

"Okay now," Jamie said as she turned back to the Italian dude. "You've successfully driven Paige into a fucking stripper. Now, where is this Kimmy bitch?"

* * *

"Which one of you is Kimmy?" Jamie burst through the dressing room and looked around.

The gang followed in cautiously behind her.

When nobody claimed to be the person who they were looking for; Jamie repeated, "Dumb bitches, I repeat, which one of you is Kimmy?"

A pretty young woman raised her hand, "I'm Kimmy."

"_Fantastic_." Jamie pretended a fake smile and casually strode over to Kimmy before surprising everyone as she landed a punch directly on Kimmy's nose. The stripper cried out in shock as Jamie tackled her to the floor, scratching, pulling hair, kicking, punching, and throwing nasty insults.

"Somebody get this American bitch off me!" Kimmy cried out as all the strippers only stood there, doing absolutely nothing.

Immediately, Stu and Phil went to grab Jamie from beating the stripper.

"Release! Release! Release!" Stu continually yelled down at Jamie as he struggled to get a good grip on the crazy woman attacking the stripper.

"And this is the bitch you want to spend the rest of your life with?" Eric commented coolly from behind them. Paige slapped his shoulder.

"Jamie, let go off Kimmy!" Phil ordered as he fought to get Jamie off.

"I wish I had some popcorn. This is so much better than watching Spongebob." Connie remarked, smiling.

"I love Spongebob," Alan grinned at her.

"This is why I love you," Connie said, placing her hand on Alan's shoulder.

"Aww," Paige crooned at the couple.

"Eww," Eric grimaced at the couple.

"Jamie, release! Release! Baby, I said release! Fuck!" Stu shouted, frustrated.

"You're lucky I don't have a fucking chainsaw! I will cut you up like in Texas Chainsaw Massacre!" Jamie yelled at the stripper.

"Jamie, that's very brutal and violent." Paige grimaced.

"Die, bitch! Die!" Jamie tried digging her fingers into Kimmy's throat and tried choking her.

"Stu, control your little monster. She's about to spend the rest of her life in a fucking Thai prison!" Phil told him, still trying to pull Jamie away.

"Jamie, if you get off her, I'll give you a Ryan Gosling poster…" Paige tried, pulling a hopeful smile.

Immediately, Jamie stopped choking the stripper and turned to look at Paige, excitement on her face. "Ryan Gosling?"

"Shirtless," Paige added with a smirk.

"I'm up!" Jamie stood up, nearly knocking Phil and Stu over.

* * *

"Of course, I remember him," Kimmy grumbled angrily, holding an icepack to her temple. Her nose was still bloody and there were scratch marks visible on her skin.

After Jamie calmed down, they all started interrogating the stripper with questions.

"He was buying shots for everyone. Nice kid. His parents must be so proud." Kimmy continued.

"Yeah, you have no idea." Stu mumbled.

Phil, who was sitting on a chair, asked, "Okay, so do you remember if he left with us?"

"Yeah, you were all leaving together but you almost forgot this one here. Right, superstar?" Kimmy stroked Eric's knee. Eric looked at her confused, not understanding what she meant. Paige eyed Kimmy angrily.

"Whoa, what's happening?" Connie looked back and forth between Eric and Kimmy.

"This one was following me around like a little lost puppy." Kimmy laughed. "All night. Saying how he fall in love with me, asked me to marry him."

"What?" Paige growled as Eric shrunk in his seat.

"I didn't know Eric was such a womanizer," Alan commented.

"We didn't get married, right?" Eric questioned warily, making Paige turn her hateful eyes towards him.

"Of course not." Kimmy answered. Eric sighed in relief. But Paige still looked extremely pissed-off. As did Phil. If he were lucky enough to have Paige, drunk or not, he would never ever cheat on her like that.

"We just had some fun in the chardonnay room," Kimmy continued casually. Everyone looked at her curiously except Paige who was turning seriously angry at this point.

"What… what happens in the chardonnay room?" Jamie couldn't resist in asking.

"Let's just stay on track here," Stu tried saying but everyone ignored him.

"Oh, you know, dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex." Kimmy said, rather bluntly.

Paige slowly looked at Eric and said in a quiet voice, "I can't believe you." With that, she got up from her seat and walked out of the dressing room, leaving a stunned Eric in his seat.

"Fuck," he cursed softly.

Phil sighed and got up from his seat to go after her.

"Wow…" Connie said.

"That is so disgusting…" Jamie grimaced.

"It wasn't disgusting." Kimmy replied, moving toward Eric. "It was so beautiful, so special. You should've seen him." She fumbled with Eric's hair and he only moved his head away, looking extremely pissed-off. "He was so sexy."

"Okay, ew." Jamie blanched.

"Seriously, ew." Stu added, also looking disgusted.

"The way Eric moved his body around. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quickly." She walked to her closet. Everyone stopped and looked at her.

"Load…?" Jamie asked.

"What load?" Eric widened his eyes.

She turned back to him and said, "Oh, you know, my sperms."

"Your English is off." Stu said to her. "I think you mean his sperms. Where would your sperm come from?"

"From my balls." She answered bluntly.

Eric straightened up. "_Wait-what the fuck-what_?"

"Wait, what?" Connie asked as she looked Kimmy up and down.

"This is gonna be interesting…" Jamie commented.

"Are you…?" Stu didn't finish his sentence.

Kimmy removed her robe and spoke, "Hey, you're in Bangkok, sweetie. There's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt." She turned around and they were all shocked that she didn't have a woman's private part.

"Holy fuck!" Eric fell off his chair.

"Shit…" Stu cursed as he leaned all the way back in his chair in shock.

"Mother fucker," Connie grimaced.

"Those are the ugliest balls I've ever seen," Jamie then covered her eyes. "That is so gross. Please, cover them up! Cover them up!"

* * *

"Paige! Wait!" Phil followed her out of the building as she continued to walk, so angry and sad at the same time to where she started crying.

Phil jogged up to her. "Hey, are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but he didn't really know what else to say. There was nothing he could really say.

Only thing he could think of; her boyfriend is a sleazy pig.

"No, I'm not," Paige turned around to face him as she began to cry even more. "I hate to admit it, Phil. But you were right. You were right about Eric all along; about him being an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, sleazy pig, jerk, asshole—"

"Oh, Paige." Phil frowned. "I'm… sorry…"

"Don't be…" Paige sniffled. "It was my fault for being the oblivious one. I should've known…"

"C'mere," Phil said gently as he pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried deeply into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way," he whispered into her hair as he held her and said nothing afterwards.

* * *

"I don't get it." Alan looked confused. "Is this a magic show?"

"C'mon, Eric, it was beautiful!" Kimmy praised Eric who looked like he was going to pass out. "We climaxed at the same time!"

"Oh God…" Eric moaned, placing his hands on his face.

"How the fuck does that work?" Jamie questioned.

"I shoot my load into him, he shoot his load onto the floor." Kimmy explained, casually.

Connie gagged.

"Okay, ew." Jamie turned around, disgusted.

"This is too much," Stu commented.

"Wait a fucking second!" Eric widened his eyes. "You mean you shot your load into my… oh fuck!"

Jamie laughed. "How funny. He got fucked in the ass. I'm not so sorry for you, Eric."

"Fuck you, Jamie!" Eric screamed at her, furiously.

"Don't fuck me, fuck her!" Jamie pointed to Kimmy. "You obviously enjoyed that routine last night!"

"We both enjoyed it." Kimmy winked at Eric.

"Someone kill me now…" Eric murmured, growing paler.

"I volunteer as tribute!" Jamie raised her hand.


	12. Chapter 12

"I can't believe you banged that dude with the big tits," Connie commented, pure amusement laced within her voice as she looked at Eric, whom was furiously blushing red at this point. After the little confrontation with _Kimmy_, Stu, Jamie, Connie, Alan, and Eric all went outside to find Phil and Paige, wherever they were.

"Never speak of it again," Eric practically snarled, so chastened and embarrassed. Both Jamie and Connie snickered at his humiliation. Departing from the building, everyone walked outside to find something they obviously weren't expecting; Paige and Phil locked in an embrace. Immediately, when the couple heard the back door slam open, they instantly broke apart. Awkward silence hung in the air as everyone regarded each other with wary looks.

"So… Eric made love to a man… with boobies." Jamie announced, grinning like a fool. The thought of that made Paige sick to her stomach. She couldn't stand to look at Eric. Paige only frowned deeply and looked down at the ground.

"Don't feel bad, Eric," Alan assured the infuriated man. "I've done worse things."

Everyone looked at Alan weirdly.

"Worse…?" Connie asked in an unsure voice.

"A few years back, I—"

Everyone immediately cut Alan off, not wanting to hear his weird story of things he's done worse. Alan frowned disappointedly.

"Paige…" Eric spoke, trying to get her attention. Paige wouldn't look up from the ground. "Please, let me explain—"

Finally, Paige snapped her head up to regard Eric in the eye, "Explain what, Eric?" she snapped in a louder tone of voice than her usual calm voice.

Connie widened her eyes. "Oh boy…"

"Shit about to get real…" Jamie whispered to Stu, to which he nodded in agreement.

Even Phil looked at Paige surprised.

"There's really no nice way to explain that you just slept with someone other than me!" Paige practically yelled at him as everyone remained quiet. "Tell me something, Eric; is this the first girl that you slept with or the first girl I _caught_ you with, huh?"

Connie raised her hand. "Uhm, Paige, I understand where you're coming from and all, but I just have to point out that Eric didn't sleep with a girl, he slept with a guy… per say…"

"Whatever." Paige snapped angrily. "Doesn't matter; girl or boy, whatever! The point is Eric, you've lost every ounce of trust and faith that I ever had in you!"

Eric placed a puppy-dog expression on his face. "Baby, come on! Give me a fucking break! I was wasted last night! Give me one chance to prove that you're the only one I want—"

Jamie snorted loudly, making Eric glare at her in the corner of his eye.

"I don't care, Eric." Paige practically cried out. "Wasted or not, you still cheated on me! You know what – I can't even stand looking at you after what you did!" She crossed her arms and purposely turned away from Eric.

"Baby," Eric tried but Paige only held a hand up, silencing him.

"Don't." Was her simple response as she released a shaky sigh. Eric clenched his fists angrily and then stepped away from the group, angrily pacing around the alley as the rest of everyone looked at each other in silence.

"Now what?" Stu asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Fuck, man. I don't know." Phil responded as he placed his hands behind his head, trying to figure out what was the next step.

"I say we should all team up and beat the shit out of Eric!" Jamie said quietly with a devious grin.

"Jamie, we are not going to use physical violence on him." Said Paige seriously.

"Yeah, Paige is right." Alan agreed. "Eric is too pretty to get beaten up."

"Shut up, Al." Connie snapped.

"Paige, seriously? Eric deserves physical violence—"

A cell phone rang, interrupting Jamie. It was Stu's phone. Shakily, he grabbed the phone and looked down at the Caller I.D.

"Shit! Who is it?" Phil asked him urgently.

"It's Zoey." Stu stated.

"Let me talk to her!" Jamie took the phone from Stu and answered it. "Zoey?" Everyone looked at her nervously when she widened her eyes and spoke in a surprised tone, "Papa Chang! Wow, what a surprise! How are you, sir?"

"We're fucked." Phil sighed.

"Definitely." Stu agreed.

"Yeah! Everything is great; I assure you Papa Chang, everyone is having a fabulous time!" Jamie talked in a fake cheery tone as everyone watched in suspense. "Yeah, Teddy is with us… Oh, you want to talk to Teddy?" Everyone held their breath. "Uhm, I'm sorry Papa Chang, but Teddy can't talk right now… Why? Uhm…"

Connie gestured to vomiting.

"Teddy is uh, seasick actually…" Jamie nervously answered. Phil suddenly walked up to her.

"Here, give me the phone," he ordered.

Jamie covered the phone with her hand and snapped, "No, back off, Phil. I got this!"

"No, you don't, because your lying really sucks ass!" He whispered/yelled into her face.

"Like you can do better!" Jamie snapped back.

"I can and I will!" Phil suddenly snatched the phone from her hand. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Asshole." Jamie smacked the back of his head and walked away as Phil took over the conversation with Papa Chang.

"Mr. Chang? Hey, it's Phil Wenneck! Listen, I apologize—"

Suddenly, a motorcycle raced towards the group and the person behind the one that was driving hit Phil's shoulder hard with a helmet. Phil instantly fell to the ground from the impact and the cell phone flew away.

"Phil!" Paige gasped in shock, falling down on her knees beside him as Phil clutched his shoulder in pain on the ground.

"Holy shit!" Connie yelled, surprised.

"What the hell is going on?" Stu questioned as the two men got off the motorcycle and came up to them.

"What the fuck is this?" Eric asked angrily as he looked at the two men.

"Give us the monkey!" One of the men ordered.

"What monkey? Get your own monkey!" Alan said angrily. Paige succeeded in helping Phil up as they regarded the men warily.

"Come on, you asshole! Give us the goddamn monkey!" The man suddenly held up a gun, making everyone put their hands up.

"Oh my God…" Paige cried.

"Give them the monkey, Alan!" Stu practically yelled at him.

"He's pointing a fucking gun at us!" Jamie added.

Alan turned to them and said, "But this is our monkey."

"No one's getting shot over a fucking monkey!" Phil yelled at him. "Hand him over now!"

"Do as the fucking man says, man!" Eric said.

Alan hesitated, staring between the group, the two men, and the monkey. Connie stared at him in disbelief.

"Alan!" she yelled.

He groaned and mumbled, "Oh God, I never get to keep no monkey." He walked over to the two guys and reluctantly placed the money on the motor. The driver placed a little white helmet on its head.

"Aw, that's too cute." Jamie commented.

"Hey, Phil." Alan said. "Check it out, he's got a banana on his helmet. These guys are the real deal." The man got on the motor again and they drove off.

Phil quickly stopped them. "Hey! Wh-wait! Hold on! How did this happen? Do you remember where our friend is?"

Stu jumped in. "Yeah, yeah! 16 years old? Asian kid?" The driver spoke something in a different language. Everyone looked confused.

"I'm sorry, sir. We didn't understand a word he just said." Paige spoke up. The driver didn't answer her as they only drove away. "Wait, come back!" She made a stupid mistake by trying to run after them. "Please, wait! What did he say?"

"He said: Fuck you and your question!" He suddenly brought the gun up and shot Paige in the arm, making her fall back to the ground. A scream erupted from her mouth, both surprise and pain.

"Holy fucking shit!" Phil sprinted towards Paige.

"No way!" Connie gasped.

"Fuck!" Jamie cursed as everyone crowded around Paige as she writhed in pain.

"Shit, baby, are you okay?" Eric grimaced as he looked at her arm.

"The fuck does it look like, Eric?" Paige yelled at him painfully and clutched her arm. "Holy—Fuck! My arm! Ow! It fucking hurts!"

"No shit it would hurt, you just got shot." Connie commented.

Paige replied sarcastically, "You don't say?"

"It's all right, Paige." Alan assured her. Everyone helped in trying to get Paige up. "It's all right. We'll figure this out. We'll get the monkey back, I promise."

"Who gives a fuck about the monkey, Alan?!" Phil yelled as he pushed the fat, bearded man away from Paige as he helped her up and leaned her against the wall.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" Stu screamed at the sky. Alan stood up and removed his hat from his head as he started to wave it in front of Paige, trying to cool her off. The blood that was oozing from her arm matched perfectly with her newly-dyed red hair.

"Stu, am I going to be okay?" Paige asked breathlessly, clutching her bleeding arm. "You're a doctor."

"I don't know. Let me look." He ran to Paige's arm and inspected it briefly before not even a second later, he jumped away and let out a girlish scream.

What?" Jamie asked as Stu suddenly walked away from them.

"Stuart Price!" Phil screamed his name as Stu continued to walk away from them with his arms crossed.

"Get your pansy ass back over here right now!" Jamie added angrily.

"She got shot!" Stu yelled in a higher-pitched tone and kept walking.

"No shit!" Eric yelled out.

* * *

Afterwards, Paige was rushed to the nearest hospital to get help on her bleeding arm. Turns out, the bullet only grazed her arm so there was no serious damage.

Everyone patiently waited in the waiting room, anxiety clinging in the air.

"I can't believe Paige got shot." Connie remarked quietly.

"I can't believe they took my monkey." Alan grumbled. Everyone looked at Alan in disbelief.

"Alan, Paige literally just got shot in the arm and all you're worried about is that damn monkey?" Phil questioned him in disbelief.

Alan only looked saddened and said, "I'm sorry, Phil. I'm sorry, you guys. This wasn't part of the plan…"

As soon as those words left his mouth, everyone regarded Alan warily and confused. Before anyone could question, Alan left the waiting room and went outside. Looking at each other, everyone got up and followed after him.

"What plan, Al?" Connie asked nervously, wondering what the hell Alan was talking about.

"I've said too much." Alan tried walking away again but Phil stopped him.

"What plan, Alan?" Phil repeated Connie's question.

"This is all Jamie's fault!" Alan cried out. Jamie froze and that's when everyone looked at her confused.

"What are you talking about, Alan?" Stu asked, looking between Jamie and Alan dumbfounded. "Jamie, what is he talking about?"

Phil pressed his lips in a thin line and asked Alan slowly, "Alan, what did you do and what does Jamie have to do with this?"

"It's not my fault." Alan sniffled as Jamie looked at him like she wanted to kill him. "Jamie told me to sabotage Eric at any chance I get!"

"I knew I was going to regret this…" Jamie whispered.

"WHAT?" Eric practically roared in anger.

"And Teddy," Alan added. "Why is he even here? He's not part of the wolf pack!"

"Alan, what did you do?" Phil asked again.

"Teddy and Eric shouldn't have been sharing from their bags." Alan said.

"What bags?" Connie questioned.

"The marshmallows!" Alan reminded them all when they were on the beach the other night. "I had a separate bag just for Teddy and Eric. But it was dark and hard to keep track and then one of you almost sat on it! I couldn't tell which was which!"

"What the fuck did you do to those bags?" Eric looked like he was about to deck Alan in the face.

"Isn't it obvious?" Alan asked. "I spiked them with muscle relaxers and plus my ADHD medication."

"What?" Connie asked, disbelief written all over her face.

"Alan, what the hell?" Jamie yelled at him.

"You drugged us again!" Stu screamed at him before turning to Jamie, "And you allowed him to do that?"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Jamie held up her hands in defense. "Let's not be too rash. I was only trying to drug Eric, not you guys!"

"You tried drugging me?" Eric snapped at her.

Jamie hesitated. "Yeah…"

"Jamie, what the fuck!" Phil screamed at her. "How could you even influence Alan to do that? You know that he's too stupid to function correctly! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Jamie, how could you let Alan do that?" Connie questioned her angrily.

Jamie looked at everyone. "So, now all of a sudden this is my fault? I had no idea Alan was planning on drugging Eric! Now, me – I tried drugging Eric with that stupid glass of margarita that Eric wouldn't drink! I only told Alan to sabotage Eric – for example, last night at the rehearsal dinner, Alan peed in Eric's champagne glass."

Eric looked like he was going to throw up.

"That's actually kind of funny," Phil laughed.

"Besides, I'm glad that I tried to drug Eric! After all, that dickhead had it coming after he kissed me—"Jamie immediately bit her lip after she said that. She didn't mean to say that.

"What…?" Stu asked lowly. For the first time, Stu actually looked really quite pissed.

"Fuck me." Jamie sighed. She _so_ did not need this right now.

"Wait – who kissed Jamie?" A new voice was heard. Everyone turned and saw Paige walk out of the emergency room, her arm all bandaged up. She looked confused.

"Eric kissed me." Jamie admitted, looking extremely guilty that she was now telling everyone this. Originally, she didn't want anybody to know because she knew there would be chaos and that was the last thing she wanted to have on her wedding day.

"What?" Paige widened her eyes. "Eric, is that true?"

"What are you talking about?" Eric feigned confusion as Jamie looked at him disbelievingly. "I didn't kiss you; you kissed me."

Jamie choked in shock. "Excuse me?"

"What the fuck?" Phil asked.

"Jamie!" Paige looked at her extremely hurt. "Why…?

"Hold the phone, people! I did _not_ kiss him; he kissed me! This piece of shit is lying! Paige, do you honestly believe that I would kiss your boyfriend? You know me, Paige. Besides, are you really going to believe this fucker after he just slept with some dude?"

Stu quickly advanced angrily on Jamie, "So, what you're saying is that he kissed you and let it happen and you never told me? Is there something that you need to tell me, Jamie, because if there is, I want to hear it _now_!"

"There is nothing going on between me and Eric, Stu! How could you even _think_ that? Why would I even want to be with a cocky son of a bitch like him anyways?"

"What am I supposed to believe, Jamie?" Stu yelled in her face. "All day, you talk nonstop about Channing Tatum and his _yummy abs_." Stu mimicked her in high-pitched tone.

"Just because I talk about Channing Tatum, doesn't mean I will ever get together with someone else other than you!" Jamie screamed.

"And how do I know you're telling the truth? You allowed Eric to kiss you and never told me, and you practically influenced Alan to drug all of us!"

"I didn't allow him to kiss me; I immediately pushed him away!"

"That's not how I remembered it. If I recall correctly, I believe that Jamie was enjoying herself before she finally broke away." Eric just had to say as a tiny smirk appeared at the corner of his mouth.

Suddenly, Stu just snapped. "You fucking asshole!" He went to punch Eric in the face but Eric quickly dodged him and instead decked Stu straight into the nose. Stu groaned loudly in pain as he clutched his nose.

"Oh my God!" Paige gasped.

"Stu!" Jamie ran up to him to inspect the damage on his nose.

"You're dead." Phil snarled as he approached Eric but he was caught by surprise as Eric managed to land a blow on his face, as well. Phil groaned as he clutched his throbbing jaw. As Phil doubled-over, Eric also kicked his side hard as Phil fell to the ground.

"Quit acting like a pussy and get up!" Eric said as he kicked Phil's side again as Phil writhed on the ground. "You know – I don't understand why Paige likes you, you're nothing but a worthless shit—"

There was a tap on Eric's shoulder and he turned around and was immediately surprised when a fist shot out and connected with his nose. Eric groaned and looked up to see that it was Paige who decked the shit out of him. And boy, did she looked pissed off.

"Paige, what the fuck? I have a campaign to shoot in a few days!" Eric complained.

"That's for hurting my friends!" She punched him again. "That's for kissing Jamie!" Another punch. "That's for fucking someone behind my back!" Another punch. "And that's for me!" She tipped Eric over to where he fell limply on the ground, his face bruised up. Paige's breathing was deep and heavy as she glared at Eric. "News flash, Eric; we're over!"

The only response was a wimpy whine from him before he finally passed out on the street.

Phil got up from the ground and looked at Paige with wide eyes. "Paige, that was… pretty fucking awesome what you just did there!"

Paige blushed and tried to shrug like it was nothing. "Thanks."

"It's about time!" Connie commented.

"Paige, I'm so proud of you! I can't believe you just decked him like that! That was amazing!" Jamie complimented her.

"I only learned from the best." Paige smiled at her sadly. Jamie sighed.

"Hey, I'm really sorry dude that I never told you. I feel like a dick." Jamie said.

"Don't be. It was my fault for dating a douchebag like him. And I was too blind to realize how badly he was treating everyone."

"Yeah, you were pretty blind on that part…" Jamie agreed as Paige lightly punched her arm. "So… we're cool?" Jamie asked.

Paige laughed and nodded. "Yeah, we're cool." They both brought each other in for a hug.

After breaking it up, Jamie asked Stu, "Are you okay?" His nose was bleeding a little but he looked fine. But Stu was not fine.

"No. I'm not okay." He snapped.

"Look, I know you're a little upset—"

"A little upset is a bit of an understatement, wouldn't you think, Jamie?" He asked her a bit harshly which shocked everyone. Usually, Stu was the one who wore his heart on his sleeve. Seeing this new harsh attitude on him was different.

"Stu, please—"

"No, Jamie. I don't want to hear it. Regardless of what happened, you kissed Eric or he kissed you – whatever – how come you never told me?"

"Same thing why I didn't tell anybody, Stu! I didn't want there to be any drama or fights! That's why I was trying to get rid of him without causing too much attention!"

"And look what happened!" Stu gestured to his surroundings. "We're in the middle of fucking Bangkok with our memory wiped out! How are we supposed to get married if you're keeping secrets from me, huh? We're supposed to be equals, remember? How can I be married to someone who's just going to keep stuff from me?"

"I never keep stuff from you, Stu!" Jamie said angrily. "I never told you because I knew that it would upset you and that was the last thing I wanted! I wanted everything to be perfect!"

"Perfect?" Stu yelled. "You call this perfect? Are you fucking kidding me? For all we know, Teddy could be dead right now and it's all because you just _had_ to talk Alan into _sabotaging_ Eric!"

"Guys!" Phil caught their attention. "This isn't the time now!"

"But this is _so_ the time, Phil!" Jamie said before turning back to Stu. "I can't believe you can't understand where I'm coming from, Stu! I didn't mean for any of this to happen! I didn't mean for Teddy to go missing! I admit, I should've just told you from the start that Eric kissed me, I realize that, why can't you forgive me?" Jamie was on the verge of tears.

"Give me a reason why I should forgive you." Stu narrowed his eyes.

"Because I fucking love you and you love me!"

"Not a good reason."

"You want me to write you a fucking poem of my feelings for you, Stu?"

"That doesn't prove to me that you truly love me."

Jamie looked at him, her face stoic and for once, there was no sign of joking around or anything. Her face was filled with serious grief.

"Fine… if you don't believe me, then I'm not going to waste my time." She started struggling in taking her wedding ring off.

Stu eyed her finger. "What are you doing?"

"Oh my God…" Connie covered her mouth.

"What is she doing?" Phil whispered to Paige.

"If we can't talk this out; whatever." Jamie took off the ring and threw it at his chest. "I'm done here." Then she turned away and began to walk away.

"Jamie, where are you going?" Paige asked her.

"Going back to Thailand. The wedding is officially over." Jamie responded in a dull voice.

"Holy shit, Jamie, you don't mean that? C'mon, you guys are overreacting! If you would just talk it out!" Connie begged but Jamie shook her head.

"Fine!" Stu yelled out. "Call off the wedding! I don't care!" But obviously, he was lying.

"Good!" Jamie shot back.

"Great!" Stu shot back.

"This is so stupid!" Phil sighed.

"C'mon, girls." Jamie gestured for Connie and Paige to follow her.

"Where are we going?" Paige asked.

"Back to the island. You guys can continue to look for Teddy while we go back and let everyone know that the wedding is over."

"Jamie, come on. You can't be serious. You and Stu can't just break it off over something stupid like this!" Paige tried to explain to her. "Please, Jamie, don't do this!"

Jamie wasn't listening to her as she only walked away, not wanting to hear any more about Stu. She was so upset over the fact that he wouldn't give her a chance to explain. Fine, if he was going to act that way, two could play at that game.

"You guys coming or what?" Jamie asked Connie and Paige.

Slowly, Connie began to follow after Jamie as Paige stayed behind for a moment. She said to Phil, "Can you guys continue to search for Teddy? I'm sorry about this whole thing—"

"Don't apologize." Phil interrupted her. "I promise – we'll find him."

"I'd help you guys but I have to go with Jamie and try to talk her out of this!"

"I don't know; she looked pretty serious about it."

"Phil, you have to talk to Stu about this. Both of them are being too stubborn. I'll go with Jamie and Connie and try to change her mind; you guys look for Teddy and in the meantime, can you please talk to Stu?"

"I will." Phil nodded.

"Thank you." Paige smiled.

"You're welcome."

"Good luck!" Paige quickly kissed his cheek and ran off to catch up with Connie and Jamie.

Phil lightly smiled and turned around to find Stu sitting on the sidewalk, looking like he was going to cry as he twirled Jamie's wedding ring around his finger.

"Phil, I don't understand, why are the girls leaving?" Alan asked confused.

Phil sighed. "Because things are just fucked up right now, Alan."

"I'm sorry, Phil." Alan apologized. "I just wanted things to stay the same."

"Stay the same?" Stu shrieked as he heard Alan. Standing up and striding over to Phil and Alan, Stu yelled, "Look at my fucking face, Alan! My fiancée just called off the wedding! You ruined my fucking life!"

"Alan, I can't believe you lied to my face when I asked if you had anything to do with this. You're not my friend."

Alan whined, "Phil, please don't say that! Are you serious? Even in America?"

"Yes!" Phil yelled furiously.

"YOU'RE THE BEARDED DEVIL!" Stu screamed.

Alan looked at Stu. "You liked it! You – you smiled at me when I held up the bag of marshmallows!"

"BECAUSE I LIKE MARSHMALLOWS! YOU FUCKING PSYHCO!"

Suddenly, Stu launched himself onto Alan and the two tumbled down on top of Eric where he was still passed out on the ground. Eric opened his eyes and groaned, not being able to breathe since Alan's butt was on his head, cutting off his oxygen as Stu attacked Alan. Phil immediately tried to break them up.

"Why?" Stu continued to yell as he clutched Alan's shirt.

"Because we're the six best friends remember? Along with Connie, Paige, and Jamie? Remember?"

Finally, Phil had a good grip on Stu and pulled him away from Alan.

"Guys, we can't fall apart now. Since the girls are gone, the rest of us have to stick together." Phil told Stu and Alan. Suddenly, Phil noticed something written on Alan's stomach. "Alan, what's that written on your belly?"

"What?" Alan asked in confusion.

Phil pulled up the shirt further and read, "Lebua Hotel. Saturday 6 p.m. Did you write that?"

"No." Alan replied.

Phil looked at his watch and mumbled, "Shit, that's in twenty minutes!"

Stu said, "Why not give it a shot? We're already fucked so much worse can it get?"

"Let's do it." Phil nodded in agreement.

"Guys, what about Eric?" Alan asked pointing at Eric that was still passed out on the ground.

"Eh. Leave him." With that, the guys turned and left Eric.

Literally, not even five seconds after they left, Eric got ran over in the balls by someone pushing a large cart. Eric opened his eyes and clutched his lower regions in pain as he was officially left alone in Bangkok.

* * *

"Jamie, I can't believe you just stole a boat!" Paige exclaimed as Jamie used the oars to row themselves back to the island. It's only been an hour and Jamie rowed them far away from Bangkok to where they were surrounded by water everywhere.

"It's not a boat; it's a dinghy." Jamie corrected shortly as she rowed with all her strength. "Besides I didn't steal it, I borrowed it."

"Guys, I have a bad feeling about this." Connie said as her and Paige sat side by side on one side of the boat and Jamie sat on the other side.

"I agree. We shouldn't have left the guys. Jamie, I don't think you should call off the wedding." Paige said.

"Guys, I've made up my mind. It's done. If he's not going to believe me then its whatever! He can't get mad at me for Eric kissing me!"

"Jamie, in a way, I see where Stu is coming from," Paige responded thoughtfully.

"But you forgave me!" Jamie pointed out.

"But I'm not the one marrying you." Paige also pointed out.

Jamie stopped rowing. "Guys, look, I appreciate you being concerned and all, but I really don't want to talk about this. Believe me, I don't want to do this either but honestly, that really hurt me when Stu said that he didn't believe that I loved him. I _do_ love him but it really hurts when he questions me on that, like he doesn't trust me. I wish he would give me a chance to make it up."

"And he will." Connie said. "If you two would just talk it out. Jamie, I really think both of you are making a huge mistake in calling off the wedding. It's just crazy."

"Yeah…" Jamie hesitated. "I don't know… maybe you guys are right… maybe I am overreacting…"

Paige lightly smiled and patted Jamie's knee. "Yeah, you are overreacting and that's why we're here to tell you that."

Jamie chuckled. "You're right. Maybe I shouldn't call off the wedding. Maybe Stu and I should talk more about it. I don't want to lose him."

"There you go." Connie smiled. "So, now what?"

"Should we continue rowing to the island or go back to Bangkok to help the guys?" Jamie asked.

The three all thought about it for a moment and said all at the same time, "Bangkok."

"All right… now… how to turn this boat around…" Suddenly, something bumped the boat. The three girls jumped in surprise.

"What the fuck was that?" Jamie questioned.

"I don't know." Paige said, sounding very nervous.

"Maybe it was just a rock…" Connie tried.

"That would be a huge ass rock, Con…" Jamie pointed out.

"I don't think it was a rock…" Paige added.

Something bumped the boat again harshly and the three girls all gasped and jumped in surprise.

"Okay, seriously, what the hell is that?" Jamie practically yelled out, growing more and more freaked out.

Another harsh bump on the boat and Connie released a terrified scream.

"What?" Paige asked, fear written all over her face.

"SHARK!"


	13. Chapter 13

Phil, Alan, and Stu cautiously approached from what it appeared to be a fancy hotel. The doorman mechanically held open the door for the men to enter as Alan kept pestering Phil with stupid questions. Phil, himself, was getting flustered with Alan but a small part of his mind kept nagging him about how the girls were doing. He didn't know why but he felt like something was going to happen to them. _No, they're fine_. He reminded himself. He knew for a fact that if anything happened to Paige, Jamie and Connie would protect her.

Stu, himself, was extremely worried and saddened about the fact that Jamie, surprisingly, called off the wedding. Yes; he was angry towards her for not letting him know what happened between Eric and Jamie – but at the same time, he was not ready for a wedding to be called off. He blamed himself for getting so jealous and maddened over something incredibly stupid. If only he could go back and change that…

"What about England, Phil?" Alan asked for the hundredth time. "Are we still friends there?"

Phil turned to him, trying to keep his cool but getting extremely flustered, "Alan, I already told you. It was in the heat of the moment. We're still friends. All over the world."

Alan paused before asking hesitantly, "Phil – I'm worried about them; you know, Connie, Paige, Jamie… I hope they are all right…"

"Don't be. They're fine." Phil answered shortly.

Alan sighed sadly before turning to Stu, "What about you, Stu? Do you think they're okay on their own?"

"I hope so…" Stu responded quietly.

"Gentlemen." A strange man from behind them spoke. They all looked at him as the man walked up some stairs. "Follow me."

Without even thinking, Alan obediently trailed after him, Stu and Phil still standing where they stood. Both of them looked at each other with hesitation before Stu reluctantly followed after Alan; Phil followed afterwards. The strange man guided them up through the stairs until they stumbled upon from what it looked like the restaurant of the hotel. The strange man guided the trio to a specific table where a bald man sat, slurping in a bowl of soup. Hesitantly, the Wolf Pack each took a seat down at the table where the unknown bald man sat. Stu and Phil on one side and Alan slipped into the chair next to where the bald man was sitting.

"Wow. You guys look like shit." The bald man commented with laughter. Phil and Stu didn't find his unnecessary comment amusing at all.

"Um… do we know you?" Stu asked, a bit confused and frustrated, all at once.

Instead of responding to Stu, the man turned to Alan and said bluntly, "Hey. Take off your fuckin' hat, you're in a restaurant for Christ's sake, c'mon!" Politely, Alan stripped off his straw-hat and placed it on the table.

Phil, keeping his cool, asked in an unsure tone, "Okay, um, listen; we have no clue what's going on here."

Surprisingly, the bald man abruptly changed the subject, "Ya know, they sell a plum whiskey here, it's fuckin' unreal. Seriously, people will absolutely fuck you up. Oh – I'm sorry. You guys got already fucked up, didn't ya?"

"Ah, listen—"

"Where's Chow?" the bald man demanded, out of nowhere. Everyone in the restaurant looked at them. Phil and Stu both widened their eyes from shock. "WHERE IS CHOW?! WITH THE FUCKIN' ACCOUNT CODE AND THE FUCKIN' PASSWORD?!"

"We don't know anything about any codes." Stu finally found his weak voice. "We're just trying to find our friend."

"Teddy." The bald man stated in a whisper.

"Yes!" Both Stu and Phil spoke at the same time anxiously. "Teddy, have you seen him?"

The bald man chuckled mysteriously and quickly snapped his fingers. One of his bodyguards that stood by the window grabbed a file and handed it to him. Bald man opened it and scanned through the pages.

"Let's see… oh, there is Teddy!"

He handed the file to Stu and Phil so they could see it. On the papers were pictures of everyone from the night before; Phil, Paige, Stu, Jamie, Alan, Connie, Chow, Teddy.

"Holy shit…" Phil cursed softly, scanning through the file in disbelief. "These are from last night." He concluded.

Stu stopped looking at the pictures and asked in an almost accusatory tone, "Who are you?"

"I'm a businessman." Bald man stated. "And I have invested a large chunk of capital in your friend, Chow. And in return, he was supposed to transfer a profit electronically about five fuckin' minutes ago. So, last night – we took Teddy as insurance."

"What?" Phil breathed in shock.

"Oh my God." Stu whispered. "Is he okay?"

"Oh my God. I wasn't done talking." Bald man spoke sarcastically as Stu gave him a look. "You tell Chow that we are having breakfast on the roof of this hotel tomorrow morning at eight a.m. If he makes the transfer, you'll get Teddy back – if not, well then, hey you know, it is Bangkok."

Stu and Phil both couldn't believe that this was happening.

"This is your cue to get the fuck out of here." Bald man said, rather rudely. Both Phil and Stu obediently got up to leave. Before Alan could take off as well, the bald man said, "Hey, you know what, leave the hat." Sadly, Alan put his hat down on the table and followed after his two companions.

They quietly walked to the elevator and went inside. Phil pushed a button and leaned against the wall as he rubbed his forehead, extremely frustrated.

"We are so fucked." Stu spoke up. "Chow's dead. What do we do know?"

"The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow – just the bank account." Phil said, sounding very sure of himself. Alan and Stu looked at him as Phil added, "We're going back to the hotel to search Chow's body—"

Phil, suddenly, remembered something.

"Fuck!" he cursed, curling a fist and about ready to punch something. Stu looked at his friend in confusion.

"What?" he questioned.

"Jamie has Chow's wallet." Phil remembered earlier when everyone stripped Chow of his money, credit cards, and his wallet, even Alan took his underwear.

"Oh – you've got to be fucking kidding me!" Stu put his hands on his head, mentally freaking out.

"Why don't you just call Jamie and ask for the wallet back?" Alan suggested light-heartedly as Phil and Stu paced the elevator.

"We can't." Stu said angrily. "She lost her cell phone last night."

"What about Con?" Alan asked. "She was using her cell phone earlier."

"Fuck, yes! Alan! That's a great idea; call Connie! Here, let me do the talking, Alan." Phil said as Alan handed him his cell phone. "What's your password?" Phil asked as he noticed Alan's cell phone was locked.

"Hey Phil." Was Alan's response.

"Yeah?" Phil asked.

"No, that's my password." Alan corrected. "_Hey Phil_." Both Stu and Phil gave him odd looks as Phil tried that password anyway.

"That is the password." Phil concluded but shrugged it off as he immediately dialed Connie's number. The phone rang for quite a while and Phil was starting to get worried why no one was answering the phone.

Finally, after what it seemed like forever, Connie, or someone, answered the phone. It sounded suspiciously like Paige.

"Alan?!"

"Paige? No, it's Phil. Listen, I need to ask you a question."

"Phil, I—"

Suddenly, the phone went dead.

Phil frowned as he hung up. "Great. Their phone died. Now, we have no way of getting that wallet back."

"Ya know," Stu recalled thoughtfully. "I don't remember Jamie keeping the wallet earlier. I think she only took the cash and maybe a few credit cards but that's it. What if she put the rest of the wallet back? Maybe there is still a chance."

Phil sighed as he shrugged. "Well – it's worth a shot. I mean, how much worse can it get?"

* * *

"Okay, this is bad!" Connie said in a scared tone of voice. "There is very, very, very bad! Oh my God – I can't believe this! We're gonna die!"

"Everything will be okay if we just keep calm!" Paige said with a hesitant manner.

"NO!" Jamie screamed. "Nothing is going to be okay, Paige. I've seen all the Jaws movies including its crappy-ass sequels, okay? We're gonna die. We're gonna die." Jamie looked outside of the boat yelling and screaming for help, of course no one answered. They couldn't figure out what type of shark that was underwater but for all they know, it was a fucking shark!

"Holy shit. What the hell do we do?" Connie asked fearfully as the shark continued to swim around the boat, obviously making the girls his next meal.

"Uhmm… shoo!" Jamie tried shooing away the fearsome shark. "Get out of here, nobody likes you!" The shark went under the boat, bumping it again harshly as Jamie shrieked. "Okay, I'm sorry – we love you Mr. Shark. Oh my God! What the fuck do we do?"

"Dear God," Paige prayed, kneeling down and looking up at the bright blue sky. "I apologize in advance for not doing my nightly routine of praying, I've been kind of busy with Eric lately—"Both Jamie and Connie rolled their eyes on that. "But, um, if you please could, Mr. God, sir, please don't let us die. That would greatly be appreciated, thank you. Amen."

"Amen." Jamie and Connie chorused.

"Okay… now what?" Paige asked.

Comically and heroically, Jamie grabbed one of the oars and smacked it onto the surface of the water, trying to scare the shark away. "Bad shark! Bad shark! No! No! You do not eat humans! It's not very nice of you! Go find Nemo instead and his little buddies!"

"No!" Connie whined. "Not Nemo! He's too cute to be eaten!"

"So am I!" Jamie argued, continuing to smack the oar onto the water as the shark continued to circle around the tiny boat. "I don't want to be eaten before my delayed wedding day—AHHHHHH!" The shark bit the end of Jamie's oar, harshly tugging forward – causing Jamie to fall straight into the water.

"JAMIE!" Both Paige and Connie cried out.

Shocked and fearful, Jamie freaked and quickly swam for the surface of the water. She gasped, her newly-dyed blonde hair plastered to her face and completely out of breath and looking around frantically for the boat. Paige and Connie screamed her name and Jamie hurriedly swam for the boat.

"Where the fuck is he?" Jamie shouted as she sped for the boat that was a few feet away from her.

Paige hysterically looked around and didn't spot no sign of the shark anywhere. "I don't know. I think he's gone."

Jamie reached the boat, and Paige and Connie both grabbed her hands and began to hoist her up – until Jamie was suddenly harshly tugged back downward.

"OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT MY FUCKIN' FOOT!" Jamie screamed hysterically as Connie and Paige practically played tug o' war with the shark. "HELP ME GUYS! PLEASE! LET GO OF MY FOOT YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD!"

The underwater beast, itself, only tugged down further – resulting in dragging Jamie and Connie and Paige down into the blue waters. As soon as the three girls landed back into the water, the shark released Jamie's foot and treaded along through the water and out of sight. The three girls all swam for the surface, all sputtering and coughing. Paige's red hair was all over her face and Connie's new brunette hair appeared darker now that it was wet.

"FUCK!" Jamie cursed.

"SHIT!" Connie added.

"Where the hell did he go?" Paige asked, looking around frantically.

"He's playing fucking games with us!" Jamie glared down from below her. "C'mon guys, hurry up and get to the boat before that fucker decides to come back and have us for lunch!"

The girls didn't need to be told twice, they all rapidly swam until they reached the abandoned boat. The three struggled to get on; cursing at each other, kicking and pushing, trying to get back into the god damn boat. Until the three of them accidentally completely flipped the boat over from putting too much weight on one side.

They all screamed as the boat came crushing down and slamming onto the water, causing waves and ripples.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Paige whispered.

"C'mon," Jamie said desperately as she pushed Connie towards the upside-down boat. "I am not going to let you guys die out here. Hell to the no. Hurry up." Jamie successfully pushed Connie up to the top of the boat that's been flipped over. "Help us out, Con!"

Both Paige and Jamie tried to climb to the top of the boat but kept slipping on the slick surface of the bottom of the boat. After a moment, Jamie successfully climbed up but Paige was still struggling.

"Paige, c'mon! Get up here!" Jamie and Connie repeated wildly and uncontrollably as they fought to hoist Paige up onto the boat.

"I can't!" Paige cried. "I'm slipping!"

Jamie almost had Paige hoisted up before she accidentally slipped out of Paige's hands, resulting in the poor redhead to slide back into the infested water.

"PAIGE!" Jamie cried, almost to the point of tears as she tried reaching for her friend who was fighting to swim back up to the surface.

"Oh… my… God…" Connie whispered in horror.

Jamie frowned at what Connie said and was about to question before Connie lifted a hand, pointing a finger in a certain direction in front of them.

There he was. That shark thing. A fair amount of distance away. Advancing towards them. Towards Paige. She was still in the water.

"Holy shit!" Jamie cursed before quickly grabbing Paige's hands again as she harshly tried to tug her up onto the boat. "Paige, please, push yourself up, anything, we've got company!"

"What?" Paige widened her eyes in fear and made a wrong move in turning around and noticing the shark approaching her from a good amount of distance away. "AAAHHHHHHHH!" She released a spine-tingling, terrified scream that even scared the shit out of Jamie and Connie. "HELP ME UP!" She screamed desperately, trying to push herself up but she kept on fucking slipping.

"I'M TRYING!" Jamie screamed at her, both in frustration and pure fear for her best friend.

Everything was pure chaos as Jamie and Connie both worked on trying to get Paige up onto the boat as the shark continued to advance onto her. Paige was screaming, Jamie was screaming, Connie was screaming.

Finally, the shark was within feet behind Paige as she suddenly slipped out of Jamie and Connie's hands again and fell under the surface of the water as the shark appeared behind her.

"PAIGE!" Both Connie and Jamie screamed her name as the shark completely advanced towards the boat, it's large fin bumping and moving the boat backwards at a harsh pace. Connie and Jamie screamed in fright as they clinged onto each other for support, trying not to fall off the boat as the shark pushed it along before going under again.

A few moments passed as Connie and Jamie looked around utterly terrified.

"Oh my God!" Connie freaked out. "Where's Paige?"

Jamie feared the worst but said, "No. She can't be… No! Paige! Paige! Where are you?! Paige!" No answer was heard and no sign of her anywhere. "Oh God… No! Paige fucking Franklin, you better answer me right now or I swear to God…" Still no answer. Connie was silent and Jamie started freaking out even more. "No… No… No… No… This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen. Oh God…" Hot tears started streaming down Jamie's face and Connie's.

"This is all my fault..." She whispered as her and Connie sat in silence on the upside-down boat, as they waited in silence in the middle of the Thailand waters.

* * *

**(Intense chapter, was it not? I hope that all of you were satisfied with the update. Originally, I wasn't going to update until next week since I've been sick for a few days with strep throat but then I decided to not wait that long with the suspense and just get on with it. So... please leave a review and tell me what you thought. Also, Happy Veterans Day to everyone - even though that's tomorrow but whatever. Thank you for everything you guys! Btw, did any of you see Thor: The Dark World? It was amazing! Anywho, yes, lol, please review.)**


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